You don't do enough to sell the idea that she is enjoying this. A couple of very short statements can't balance the stronger descriptions of fear and pain. The same is true of daddy's claim of fun and implied after care for a rough session. It needs better balance or daddy and friend come off as assholes and she seems a doormat. Keep writing, just give us a reason to care beyond a sadistic wank.
English
You don't do enough to sell the idea that she is enjoying this. A couple of very short statements can't balance the stronger descriptions of fear and pain. The same is true of daddy's claim of fun and implied after care for a rough session. It needs better balance or daddy and friend come off as assholes and she seems a doormat. Keep writing, just give us a reason to care beyond a sadistic wank.
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