Thanks for your comment. I see what you mean. I was not trying to emulate Hemingway. Most of the story is Charlie's thoughts, which, like mine, don't come as a long sentences, seldom with a secondary clause. Perhaps it was difficult for you to read because her thoughts were like that, a following thought not so related to the previous one to justify its being linked by a conjunction. That is the way her character evolved as I was writing. And yes, the story is fast paced, only an afternoon and night and the evening two days later, Charlie with three girls plus flashbacks.
by
Anonymous07/26/15
hmmm nipples huh
haha , never read a story about a popping nipples contest.
first time for everything
When I saw the title "GOAL" I was excited to read it especially since the U.S. women's soccer team won the World Championship and Abbey's public display of kissing her wife. But I was truly dissapointed as the story interspersed references to these women sucking and fucking cock to the point the girls didn't know which they like more - pussy or dick. I get that some women are bisexual, however over seven references to dick play seemed a bit much to me especially for a Lesbian Sex story. But hey, I'm just one person. I applauded the author's effort.
by
Anonymous07/28/15
Some strange aspects
I don't know about other women but my nipples don't instantly "pop out" - what a strange idea. And way! too! many! exclamation! points! Makes it sound juvenile.
Hi Girls,
Thanks for your comments. You know best; I'm only a man. The lesbian label was a bit misleading, if a female reader didn't care at all about men. I was having fun playing the voyeur, including the FM flashbacks to avoid implying that girl soccer teams are 100% lesbian. I also watched the championship matches.
Thanks for your nice comment, also the great suggestion.
I can imagine it would turn into a great orgy: two squads of 20; the couple of homos and lesbians doing what they want, and then - surprise! - even a few other lads getting sucked in. I can't envision where it could happen. Maybe they were all camped out in a gym, but it won't happen here.
English
This reads like a race, with short staccato sentences. Had real trouble actually reading this one.
@ bella
Thanks for your comment. I see what you mean. I was not trying to emulate Hemingway. Most of the story is Charlie's thoughts, which, like mine, don't come as a long sentences, seldom with a secondary clause. Perhaps it was difficult for you to read because her thoughts were like that, a following thought not so related to the previous one to justify its being linked by a conjunction. That is the way her character evolved as I was writing. And yes, the story is fast paced, only an afternoon and night and the evening two days later, Charlie with three girls plus flashbacks.
hmmm nipples huh
haha , never read a story about a popping nipples contest.
first time for everything
When I saw the title "GOAL" I was excited to read it especially since the U.S. women's soccer team won the World Championship and Abbey's public display of kissing her wife. But I was truly dissapointed as the story interspersed references to these women sucking and fucking cock to the point the girls didn't know which they like more - pussy or dick. I get that some women are bisexual, however over seven references to dick play seemed a bit much to me especially for a Lesbian Sex story. But hey, I'm just one person. I applauded the author's effort.
Some strange aspects
I don't know about other women but my nipples don't instantly "pop out" - what a strange idea. And way! too! many! exclamation! points! Makes it sound juvenile.
Hi Girls,
Thanks for your comments. You know best; I'm only a man. The lesbian label was a bit misleading, if a female reader didn't care at all about men. I was having fun playing the voyeur, including the FM flashbacks to avoid implying that girl soccer teams are 100% lesbian. I also watched the championship matches.
great job
Very nice story. I would love to hear your takes on the under-23 boys and the girl teams, that also sounds fun.
@stuffedshirt
Thanks for your nice comment, also the great suggestion.
I can imagine it would turn into a great orgy: two squads of 20; the couple of homos and lesbians doing what they want, and then - surprise! - even a few other lads getting sucked in. I can't envision where it could happen. Maybe they were all camped out in a gym, but it won't happen here.
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