All Comments on 'Hayley's Party Ch. 01 Pt. A'

Very nice build up to the main action. You have an interesting and easy style of writing which actually 'hides up' a much more sophisticated technique. You could easily write non-erotic literature too. I look forward to other sections.

Still working on tidying up Part's B and C. The rewrite did cause a few "continuity" issues between Chapter One and both the prologue and a couple of the subsequent chapters but hopefully they're minor enough that they don't bug anyone. The Prologue is posted as "Hayley's Party Chapter 00" - sets the scene more or less for this one.

If you haven't read this before it's part of a multi-chapter Story.

Wow Chloe, this was great! You really had me going. I just knew that Hayley was going to resist Joe and take Steve upstairs, but Hayley was overcome by Joe and her own primal carnal needs. Have to admit the numerous uses of gweilo earlier in the story annoyed me a bit, but if you had been called a chink or a slant-eye (I can't believe people still use those terms) I guess I can put up with guilo. I got very used to kids in China pointing at me and saying waiguoren so it's not a big deal. I'm damn envious of Joe and frankly a little pissed. Someone as sexy and cool as Hayley shouldn't have her virginity taken by a by like Joe, but I don't want to be Pollyanna. Thanks for the story and I'll be back to read the next installment soon.

Excellent read. Never got a chance to read the original, all I can say is wow and thank you. Hayley is a very likable character, good centerpiece for a story. Looking forward to parts B and C.

I want to see where this story goes. Does our Hayley end up with child and back with her old boyfriend?

Poor Steve doesn't even know what's going on around him. He'd better wake up quick or he's going to miss out on some hot pussy.

Why girls would let him to that sort of thing to them, I had no idea.

SHOULD BE:

Why girls would let him DO that sort of thing to them, I had no idea.

Getting very interesting.

Oh no. I'm heartbroken. I'm illiterate? She wails mournfully. Who'd a thunk it? Damn. I'm going to stop writing right now. XOXOXOXOXO (you seem like you need a big hug too) ..... Chloe

I loved the prologue and the romance of Haley and Steve then how just steps in and reduces her to some dick hungry whore? This made me very angry.

Jump to the last two chapters and you get a better idea of Hayley the way I'm rewriting her. This was my first story on lit and the plot - well, when I started I had no idea where this was going. So jump to the last two and see what you think. Also, if turns out Steve isn't who you think he is.

I'm so sick of cheesy nice guys winning the girl unrealistically. I'm not saying I'm into creepy rape shit, I'm just very grateful you made a much more realistic story. Thank you!! Five stars!!

Ohhhh, thankyou. And, well, if you want bad guys and good girls, sort of, you might like "Jeong Park's First Frosh Ball." The lead guy is a total jerk. For a nicer take on a good girl / bad guy romance, try my "Chinese Takeout". And my romances are kind of bittersweet as well ("A Teddy Bear for Christmas", "Fingerprints on my Heart" and the tearjerking "September Blue" - only to be read when you have a box of paper tissues handy). As for the rest, well, I always like to plug "Strawberry Chapter 4" - my most under-read story and my funniest as well. Enjoy!

Whilst most of your stories are well above the norm and very readable, 'September Blue' stands head and shoulders above everything else. 'Strawberry' comes a most creditable second.

There comes a time when one should focus the mind. Abandon things like 'Happy Birthday', stop entering in the various competitions like April Fools etc, and focus on quality not quantity.

I remain a devoted fan. You, EllieBabe, OneHitWanda and a few others of the young lady writers take me back to years long gone by. (Sadly, Blin18 seems to have given up on the writing.)

Lue

Ohhhhh Luedon, what can I say. I do enjoy writing for the competitions - they get me writing stories I wouldn't have tried if I didn't. And there's a lot of readers asking for the next and far to long postponed installments of Happy Birthday. Actually, for the next installments of pretty much everything. I'm just going to have to buckle down and write harder and faster and procrastinate less.

Your devoted author ..... Chloe xoxoxoxoxoxo and a hug

I'm definitely not getting one from some of the conversations I'm involved with on the Loving Wives portal. Stick with writing stories in Romance, First time and Erotic Couplings; the comments are friendlier in those categories.

Lue

Excellent writing as always Chloe but I don't know if I can finish this one. I'm the same way watching Holiday Inn, I spend the whole movie in a state of rage wanting to pummel Fred Astaire lol. You don't screw your buddy's girl. As a matter of fact, if you catch some other guy trying to screw your buddy's girl, you kill him and bury him behind your house.

Course, if she wants a one time pleasure cruise on this blue eyed Viking's longship after they're broke up awhile, that can be arranged. ;)

Erik the Awful

Oh my, poor Joe. No, you gotta skip ahead then to about chapter 4 or do and pick up from there where it turns out Joe isn't a bad guy. It's Steve! This was the first story series I started on lit and I didn't have any plot in my head at all when I started so the first few chapters are a bit aimless. I need to totally redo them but as long as you like the Joe and Hayley sex it's all good. The plotting is better from about chapter 4 on.

Hello.

Your story made me sick in my stomach.

If you are wondering where are these incel killers are popping up from this story illustrates how incels THINK the mind of a woman works. ("He loves me!, And I love him!, He's so sweet!, So patient with sex!, hmm I wish he worked out more. Oh here comes the local Chad Thundercock better jump on his cock quick!")

Saint Rodger where are you when we need you the most.

Male and female psychology is fascinating. What motivates people and what goes on in their heads. Societal and social and cultural mores and influences. We tend to move in trends as a society and as mores and behaviour changes, some things become more apparent. The whole incel thing is a case in point and I didn't even think of that when I wrote this story but there's a point there. Working that into last Literotica story seriously would be interesting but maybe a bit to profound for readers who are just looking for a good stroke story.

What a great story.

What they did to Steve made me so angry. How could she betray him like that.

Then I read more and my opinions changed. That is why I like this story you brought out emotions in me.

Anne

Wow, you could cut the sexual tension with a knife! Reading the other comments below left me baffled. Maybe my non college educated brain just sees the common sense of the story. Maybe Joe goes through so many other girls because they are missing something. They are not Hayley.