...smacks of another "writer's" wham-bam style and I suspect I know who this really is. Regardless, nothing special about this story. Rushed, no details as to why she would treat Aaron this way, and nothing to justify the remarks the Jamaicans made to him. Formulaic at best and just kind of "thrown out" there.
@Comentarista
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate you giving a well-founded opinion instead of simply bashing like a numb skull :) As to the style, I guarantee you I'm not copying anyone. I haven't read a single story on here. You should know however that English is not my native language, so my lack in vocabulary might be a problem.
To the others: there probably will be a sequel. Apologies to those who did not like it :)
by
Anonymous08/08/15
FYI Sam
Cant be a true cuckold unless.your married.Check the definition.I do not vote on these type stories but found d this one a.bit cliche and unoriginal for my taste.BBC etc etc.Cliche.Like I said not a cuck.Good luck.
I didn't find vocabulary lacking, just details on why for example your characters would have made certain apparently outrageous statements. I realize this is a fantasy site in part, but if there's some truth to why a character would say that (like a popular local saying, e.g. there's a Cajun saying that when food is so good that " it’ll make you want to slap your momma" and they even make a canned Cajun spice mix of similar name (Slap Ya Momma). Give readers something to understand why. Same applies to the woman's treatment of her guy: why is she that way? Is she just a bitch? Was she spoiled when growing up? Did her parents tell her all guys were selfish bastards that should be treated harshly? Did he cheat on her and that's why she treats him to "no sex" for all that time? Without developing that, his reaction and treatment of him lacks foundation and makes readers scratch their heads. Take time to include more background on these things.
This explains why going to Jamaica and him running into the 'group" seems so rushed, nor is there much reason as to why. This is what I briefly mentioned.
by
Anonymous08/09/15
Loved it
i loved it i hope the sequel comes out soon!
by
Anonymous08/10/15
Liked some, some not so much
Personally I don't care for a wife who treats her husband like shit. And I am not sure why this female character wouldn't bave sex with him when clearly she enjoys sex. She had to have been aware that he liked to show her off and tease, so rather then embrace that she cuts him off completely? Doesn't follow logic. There is a lot to like about the story and I hope you don't make it too much about humiliation and instead bring the husband in as a willing participant.
by
Anonymous08/10/15
Good
A good start. Now we need to know if she is had and by how many. Look. Forward to. Part two.
by
Anonymous08/24/15
i came
Omg this is exactly what turns me on. Hope you'll keep on writing. I actually masturbated while reading this
by
Anonymous09/06/16
Lucky Girl
I truly enjoy stories and/or porn of white girls and women becoming sex slaves to the best cock in the world, black and beautiful.
English
More!!
Please tell me there is gonna be a sequel, this is exactly what I fantasize about!!!
hot
Great story are the more parts to follow?
Nice
Enjoyed that. Hope you keep writing. Maybe a sequel?
This...
...smacks of another "writer's" wham-bam style and I suspect I know who this really is. Regardless, nothing special about this story. Rushed, no details as to why she would treat Aaron this way, and nothing to justify the remarks the Jamaicans made to him. Formulaic at best and just kind of "thrown out" there.
Thanks!
@Comentarista
Thanks for the feedback, I appreciate you giving a well-founded opinion instead of simply bashing like a numb skull :) As to the style, I guarantee you I'm not copying anyone. I haven't read a single story on here. You should know however that English is not my native language, so my lack in vocabulary might be a problem.
Sequel
To the others: there probably will be a sequel. Apologies to those who did not like it :)
FYI Sam
Cant be a true cuckold unless.your married.Check the definition.I do not vote on these type stories but found d this one a.bit cliche and unoriginal for my taste.BBC etc etc.Cliche.Like I said not a cuck.Good luck.
@SamJ
I didn't find vocabulary lacking, just details on why for example your characters would have made certain apparently outrageous statements. I realize this is a fantasy site in part, but if there's some truth to why a character would say that (like a popular local saying, e.g. there's a Cajun saying that when food is so good that " it’ll make you want to slap your momma" and they even make a canned Cajun spice mix of similar name (Slap Ya Momma). Give readers something to understand why. Same applies to the woman's treatment of her guy: why is she that way? Is she just a bitch? Was she spoiled when growing up? Did her parents tell her all guys were selfish bastards that should be treated harshly? Did he cheat on her and that's why she treats him to "no sex" for all that time? Without developing that, his reaction and treatment of him lacks foundation and makes readers scratch their heads. Take time to include more background on these things.
This explains why going to Jamaica and him running into the 'group" seems so rushed, nor is there much reason as to why. This is what I briefly mentioned.
Loved it
i loved it i hope the sequel comes out soon!
Liked some, some not so much
Personally I don't care for a wife who treats her husband like shit. And I am not sure why this female character wouldn't bave sex with him when clearly she enjoys sex. She had to have been aware that he liked to show her off and tease, so rather then embrace that she cuts him off completely? Doesn't follow logic. There is a lot to like about the story and I hope you don't make it too much about humiliation and instead bring the husband in as a willing participant.
Good
A good start. Now we need to know if she is had and by how many. Look. Forward to. Part two.
i came
Omg this is exactly what turns me on. Hope you'll keep on writing. I actually masturbated while reading this
Lucky Girl
I truly enjoy stories and/or porn of white girls and women becoming sex slaves to the best cock in the world, black and beautiful.
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