I Wish I Had Never Met Him Pt. 01

Good Start

Good start, good writing but I hope this is not too predictable.

You stopped...

...just as the story had the chance to develope. What about the diaries? I opened and read them just doesnt do it in my eyes.

NO disrespect But

Geez this is not a fun read. There is a need to develop the story to more than just stop writing. Yes you will develop more (I hope). Makes it too easy for readers not to find or look for the next addition.. this could be a 5 star start but 1 star for the way you left me hanging.

that much set up and you stop after one page?
I won't bother with the next 3 installments

Thank you for sharing

A good story, if I might make a comment that the story could use some more meat. It is a solid skeleton but needs building up. Maybe take more time and detail with the emotional side of the story. Thx

Was going to give it 4*

But since you stopped short so did I. 2*.

Way too short.....

Great start but ended way too abruptly.

Hmm

I'm not sure where this can go that would be rewarding to us, as readers. Most of the characters whose relationships were the building blocks for our introduction into this little universe were wiped out or dismissed. If his wife is a cheat...well, she died without him knowing about it. She can't ever be made to see the results of her choices. Even if it's a friend that was involved, retribution won't feel all that rewarding because the person who promised fidelity left this world without ever having to say so much as an "I'm sorry."

Good read

but a bit to short.

Please

Please post this crap in Non Erotic in the furure.

To many negative comments from the annoy.

Look it was to short but well written , I wished you could have written more and finished it in one posting. I hope you finish it tommorow . He lived a clean loving life and now he is going to find out how his wife deceit and cheating behind his back was all a lie. And his so called friend maybe even impregnated her. What a whore that would make her. I take her tombstone and leave her grave unmarked . But the mental destruction of this man is now beginning.

Gave you a 5 for a great story and very erotic

thanks for placing it in the LW section WHERE IT BELONGS . FUCK ANNONY!!

Well written but short

Looking forward to the next episode.

I have passed on your stories based on the low scores. You must really attract a lot of empty headed assholes. I will be checking the existing stories out.

Good start. Compelling. I know I'm going to hate the rest

I suspect it will just hurt too much. Thanks for the intriguing start which was, in my opinion, just enough. 5*

Agree with TheUnoriginalist. Since all avenues are shut off for the reader's satisfaction, any further progression will merely be a documentary and not a story...

Well written, in some ways and lame in others.

Out of 5, three were murdered? How...convenient. And what is "Teacher Training College"? In North America, we just call them Universities or Colleges. And lastly, who needs a storage unit for mementos? Seriously, how many fucking diaries does she have and why the Sam fuck would she need a fucking storage unit?

As a whole, you're story has too many detractors.

2*s

Unnecessary to end the story here.
Not enough character development. Don't know enough to care. For example :Davina your youngest is how old?? Your protagonist is 48, is Davina 12 years old?; 16 ?; 25? what? It makes a difference as a reflection of his state of mind. Was he being sarcastic or impressed with her wisdom? What? We don't know because this introduction to the story is too short.
Gave you2*s . Better luck next time,lol.


AMerryman

Poorly developed characters that have no where to go.

It seems obvious that Carol has been cheating on him. But since she's dead, so what? He was happy with his life, will this disclosure ruin his future? Don't see how. It seemed odd that out of their group 3 of them would die. As a plot device this seemed poorly conceived. I will read the next chapter to see what you've cooked up, but I think I'm going to be disappointed unless you fill in a lot of the character gaps. No stars at this point.

so he was stupid enough to marry a whore, so be it

if any of the whores johns are still alive kill them in ways you cant be found.

Shit writing

First, I got no real feel for the characters.

Second, the ending is abrupt.

Finally, the writing is atrocious.

For instance:

"Next month we fucked wanted to fuck every day, so Carol went on the pill and soon every day we spent every hour we were not working fucking."

That is a textbook example of a sentence that should be taken out and shot.

?????

Finish the Dam Story

"Finish the Dam Story"

First of all, the word is damn. A dam holds back something.

More importantly, DID YOU SEE THE CHAPTER NUMBER IN THE TITLE? Yeah, it's not well written, it's obvious where this is going, he's conveniently unable to be able to respond to her, etc., so there are a lot of problems with this story. However, the fact it’s not done is NOT one of them.

He didn't remeber his wife's Maiden name?

Just an example of how bad this start is. But we know where this story is going so what's the point of reading future chapters. Unless you're interested in finding out who the kids father is. My bet is David

WTF

Worst porn ever. Dam

I don't understand the complaints

If you want professional writing, go buy a book. I appreciate that someone has taken the time to write us a story that we can read for free. I believe that most authors here are either writing to get better and/or for their own enjoyment and I appreciate that. So far as the story being predictable, so what? How many movies do you see where you cannot predict the ending? I think that though the story is rather rushed, it is well written. Yes, there are errors, but he probably doesn't have an editor. I have yet to see someone on this site, criticize the author for errors and then volunteer to be the editor for the next story.

Dangerous town to live...

Dangerous town to live...too violent...It didn't matter what happened...they were dead, he was alive...Someone Higher saved him from a revenge...2*

take a night a year and piss one his grave
then drop a load on hers

Not sure why there are so many negative comments!!

My only complaint is that it was too short! I'm hoping that since you put a chapter 1 in the title, that you plan on more chapters! Really enjoyed the story, however I felt you left out too much of the story to stop it where it did.

Critique

Grammar is poor. Use a grammar-check program ... not great, but woulda helped here!
Development is terrible ... NONE of the characters is more than a cut-out paper figure! We learn kids are one boy, two girls. (period!)
Presentation sucks! Narration is maximally ugly. Let the characters speak for themselves!
Erotic? We are TOLD Future Hubby fucked Future Sweetie. (period) Then we are told he fucked her a lot! (total extent of detail!) NO hint of seduction.
Death is a weak way out for authors ... So far, there is no rationale for killing any one of the characters, let alone three!

i don't

mean to belittled this author but if this has any breathe of truth in it nobody who went though college could be as dumb as you made the main character.

HE WAS FORE-WARNED BY HIS DAUGHTER

listening is not a teachers strong point. TK U MLJ LV NV

Of course there is a part 2

I sort of think you painted yourself into a corner. Can't get revenge on a dead person. If the kids aren't yours, too late to put them back, and besides, you raised them. One of your fellow countrymen wrote a similar story setup, and his plot had the wife fucking a gentry person so they would have a wealthy biological father to further them in the world.

Well ...a good writer finds their way out of such corners, and I'm looking forward to part 2. All in all, the writing is good, welcome to the club.

Chilley

Kiss of Death

When you introduce your character as a teacher, and you yourself have NO comprehension of grammar or syntax, it behooves you to get an editor.

just reading the first few lines

someone fucked up my life haha get real unless its some billionair ore some ather powerfull person there is no one but you who can ruin your life!

I think the author did pretty good for English obviously not being first language.

I will read chapter 2 before scoring or commenting on the story.

Story Teller

I can appreciate a good story teller even if they are only OK writers.... As long as my interest is held and the effort to write is solid such as this one, I will enjoy it....