by blacknight99
I find it interesting that you are attempting to add segments of BDSM into your writing. The story is plenty hot, but you might want to edit the part involving rope in the beginning. It's clear that you've never done shibari or any type of bedroom bondage. Rope used for sex is generally 1/4 inch in diameter (sometimes thinner) and a three foot segment would be all but useless. Even if you managed to go around the wrists, you wouldn't be able to wrap it enough to make it comfortable or to have enough knots to make it a stable tie. Nylon is slippery and would require a minimum of 2-3 knots at both ends to hold. A 3/4 inch rope would end up burning nearly foot of rope at either end just tying it, and that's assuming you didn't double the rope, which most people that practice rope arts do. Bigger rope would also be much easier to get out of because less of the rope will make contact with the skin. 3/4 inch is so thick that very little of the cylinder of rope would make contact with a person.
For spread eagling a girl to a bed, I'd use a minimum of 15-20 feet per limb. (or the wrists together) You're still looking at 45-60 feet of rope, preferably 1/4 inch to 3/8 inch in diameter. (I've never used anything bigger than 1/2 inch just because it's so unwieldy. I wouldn't even set my hardpoint with a rope that thick, let alone tie a person.
Otherwise, hot story so far. I admit to not finishing this chapter before making the comment, but I was pressed for time and wanted to give you some advice regarding rope. Rope is probably my main kink, and I have roughly a mile of it at this point.
Feel free to reply and I can give you a way to contact me for advice.
This story is one of the best that I have read. Thank you, very much.
It's a shame to think it's over, but well done anyway -- and five stars!
I really liked the dynamics between the two main characters. Was he mind-controlling her or she him? Or neither? "It's the sub who is really in charge!" He has to expand his horizons to meet her needs.
Sure, the bit about the ropes was naïve, but was the mistake one made by the author or by his character? ;-)
Either way, I'm prepared to forgive a lot just for having been given the image of inch-thick nipples with piercings. That part nearly had me creaming my pants. Of course, two weeks is way too short for healing. Piercings of that caliber may well need two years before they're safe to suck on. But we have to allow some artistic license to make for readable stories. By the time their baby is on its way, she will be healed enough that she can breastfeed without losing the piercings.
I, for one, would love a continuation, even just a "happily ever after" epilogue.
...in weeks, well....I dunno, but I really, really, enjoyed it!
Thank you, thank you, thank you!
but the end seemed tacked on; it was not integrated into the story. You noticed that the hypnosis was never described and then plop, here's the back story. Not that there weren't good things: I liked the characters and the big picture, portraying a kind master, was also interesting. I will certainly read more of what you have written.
I enjoyed this story - just the right amount of sex. Most importantly the story line developed nicely.
These 3 chapters make up one of the best stories I have ever read. This is simply incredible.
One of the few of my favorite stories posted on this site. You are an amazing writer. Please keep writing.
One of the best stories (series) that I have read on this site. It was not excessively long and it was closed out in a way that I was not left wanting more. Great work.
If you don't like the fucking story, then change the fucking page.
Nobody needs your pathetic whining.
Something kept me reading the whole three parts again and again. This is my third time. Keep on producing some more stuff like this.
I cried a little in the end. This story doesn't belong in this site, it's clearly on a totally superior level of complexity and quality than the rest of what's here.
Love the story but another Chapter or Epilogue would be excellent. then he could Divorce the Bitch and Sell the House and take their Daughter across Country. since she has already signed over Full Rights to the Child and Home. He No Longer needs to stay there. She can be with her Family and Friends while he and Dawn Move to a Nice place and Better Place for both of them.
You need to make this into a book and definitely add more chapters
This 3 part erotic story may be the very best I have ever read. My regret is that I could not give it several 5's instead of the one 5 I gave to each part.
You Sir, are an author, not merely a writer of porn. The porn in this was inconsequential in most ways to the story. That is meant as the most high praise.
I almost skipped reading this, based on the title alone, I'm so very glad that I didn't.
If you haven't written a 'legitimate novel' you certainly should.
Thank you for sharing your talent with your readers.
And I don’t give out ratings on multi-part stories until I’ve read the entire series. This one earned a 5* rating.
Very good story
Enjoyed this story several times now.
Your writing style is easy to follow and easy to enjoy.
Thank you
Brilliantly done! You should do a sequel to expand on the "changed" Dawn and her relationship to her Master as well as to the rest of the outside world. There is a plethora of material possible for a continuation. Your writing style is fluid and easy to follow. Please consider expanding the story to further lengths, although, thank you for this submission for all of us to enjoy...
Wow. So the pieces did NOT go anywhere where I thought they would.
She is fortunate to have found someone who will give her the love and support that she needs. And, I am certain, will help her recover her love of science. (Set a good example for the children).
Now, I am curious. I had been told that you actually needed a 4th gymbal as a 3 gymbal system would suffer gymbal lock and lose one of the 3 directions. You seem to know the science of what's going on better than I do, so what have I misunderstood here?
An excellent, complex story. The topicality hit home, and the fact that I live…fairly close to Joshua Tree only added to the story, for me. I really enjoyed this one. I hope that you’re still writing. You have a gift.