All Comments on 'On the Rebound'

by corruptiveInfluences

Sort by:
  • 7 Comments
AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
not sure

things seemed to move along real quickly before friendships were set up. if youre looking to follow this up I would slow the pace, it seems alec wanted to try opening mor which im for but go more for connections between them, I encourage you to keep going

avidreadravidreadrover 8 years ago

A good story with good characters, Yes, the pace was a bit fast but that is common for this genre. This could easily be the start of a good series about these men. You would need to slow down and flesh out the characters a bit more. It seems Alec has a lot of exploring he wants to do and going along on his journey could be fun.

Chris7swChris7swover 8 years ago
Not bad at all - especially for a first time!

The story is good, if a bit fast-paced. It starts out as if its going to go on building steadily - and then leaps almost immediately into sex with a stranger. Ok - you're not the first person to have done that in a story (I'm probably just as guilty) but it came as something of a surprise and the sex really should have been introduced with some by-play.

And I have to be honest and say that the use of the present tense put me off somewhat; we're much more used to a story being told of some past event rather than something that's happening at that moment.

Other than that, I'm delighted not to find too many errors (Ben instead of Scott once) and precious few grammatical errors either.

Keep writing - you're doing fine!

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
This is a huge disappointment

If you meant for him to be a slut you should just said so. Don't include love in the description. That's just bullshit. Don't lie. Just say that he was kicked out and the guy that saved him from homelessness is encouraging him to be a rent boy without the pay.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Pretty good for your first attempt

I enjoyed reading this. Yes, it's somewhat fast paced, but it's your first time writing.

I don't know why people have to be such jerks when critiquing.

Alex is not a slut. He's just happy to be accepted for who he is. He cares for Scott, but wants to have fun too. Why the hell not? The only problem I have is them not using condoms.

I'm looking forward to reading more chapters!

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Well done first story

You are starting your writing from a strong place and the more you write the better you will get. The present tense is a bit distracting as it is uncommon; however, you are using it well to give a voyeuristic feel. I would be interested in the story continuing. Now that Alec has found a safe haven and support, you can slow down a bit and let us learn about all these young men. Tell us about each individually and how their journeys mesh.

63lsmith63lsmithover 8 years ago
A VERY GOOD READ

I found this to be a very enjoyable read. Please continue with your writing. Will be looking for more from you.

Anonymous
Our Comments Policy is available in the Lit FAQ
Post as:
Anonymous