Why would you want to continue? You rushed through the whole story. It was like you gave an abbreviated version of the story. Heck, I'm tired from running with you, to keep up. Slow down, and take a deep breath, then try it again, and elaborate. And no, I am not a writer, just a reader. Sorry if this comment sounds snide, that's not my intent. Have a Good Day.
by
Anonymous08/03/15
2*s
Sadly, you forgot to mention that this is a story about Vulcans. Unemotional, boring story about characters from the T.V. show(star trek).
You have a great talent. You can take away all the passion from your writing, lol!! Gave you2*s. Sad, really sad.
I don't want to use a bad word to describe this........but....
Where is the dialogue? This story was dry. It was all about "I" who is "I?" Does he have a name? We know nothing much of the characters. The story read like a boring list of the steps it took to fuck Stephanie. What was the story about? Why are you telling us the story? What are we suppose to get from the story? Ask yourself these questions when rewriting. The sex part was cringe worthy. You wrote mostly in first person and the male main character seemed like an old creep. His only goal was to get in Stephanie's pants. Get an editor and rewrite the story with more substance. 1 star.
will be interesting to see how the Black Men respond to seeing them together.
by
Anonymous08/04/15
Go to ...
Literotica; Index, Volunteer Editors and find someone to give you advice about how to write.
He/she will also help you polish your tale so that it becomes a story rather than a series of fairly disjointed sentences. Also, he/she will explain how to proof read and sort out your spelling.
For instance "Stephanie garbed my hand ..." would be better as "Stephanie grabbed my hand ..."!
English
Why.....
Why would you want to continue? You rushed through the whole story. It was like you gave an abbreviated version of the story. Heck, I'm tired from running with you, to keep up. Slow down, and take a deep breath, then try it again, and elaborate. And no, I am not a writer, just a reader. Sorry if this comment sounds snide, that's not my intent. Have a Good Day.
2*s
Sadly, you forgot to mention that this is a story about Vulcans. Unemotional, boring story about characters from the T.V. show(star trek).
You have a great talent. You can take away all the passion from your writing, lol!! Gave you2*s. Sad, really sad.
AMerryman
I don't want to use a bad word to describe this........but....
Where is the dialogue? This story was dry. It was all about "I" who is "I?" Does he have a name? We know nothing much of the characters. The story read like a boring list of the steps it took to fuck Stephanie. What was the story about? Why are you telling us the story? What are we suppose to get from the story? Ask yourself these questions when rewriting. The sex part was cringe worthy. You wrote mostly in first person and the male main character seemed like an old creep. His only goal was to get in Stephanie's pants. Get an editor and rewrite the story with more substance. 1 star.
Nice Start
will be interesting to see how the Black Men respond to seeing them together.
Go to ...
Literotica; Index, Volunteer Editors and find someone to give you advice about how to write.
He/she will also help you polish your tale so that it becomes a story rather than a series of fairly disjointed sentences. Also, he/she will explain how to proof read and sort out your spelling.
For instance "Stephanie garbed my hand ..." would be better as "Stephanie grabbed my hand ..."!
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