All Comments on 'The Perfect Pieces Ch. 13'

A wonderful story, well written and well told.

I think your greatest strength as a writer is the ability to quickly get your readers into your characters. For some reason that didn't happen for me this time. I have really thought about it, but I can't tell you why. This is the first one of yours that I read at a trickle, so maybe that is it.

There were many parts I did like, and for a while I was convinced he would end up with Tracy.

When I started reading Ch.12 , Ch 13 was not there. But it magically appeared when I completed 12. Nice coincidence. Thanks for another wonderful story!

One of the better/best stories here...Thanks!

To a lovely story.

Thank you for sharing your stories with us.

D.S.

great way to pull it all together.

I realllly enjoyed this work. The twists were well handled and the characters reflected the complexity of the situation. I thank DC and look forward to future efforts..

Bruce

I don't recall commenting on any other chapters (I probably did though lol), but I know I definitely waited until the story was finished before I said anything important. I love your damn stories and when I saw this one I immediately jumped to read it and I haven't stopped waiting for the chapters since. I'm sad I won't have any other chapters to wait for, but I'm extremely happy that this story has a decisive ending (and one I favor since the suggestions of Mark getting with Tracy were disgusting me). These characters are flawed and not ideal people and that's what kept me involved. They still had redeeming qualities about them and they had to have good endings, and I'm so happy you gave that to them—and who better to do so anyways?

Just a fantastic story all around and I look forward to upcoming publishings. Thanks for sharing.

This was a more difficult story than most. I had no idea how you would end it, but the ending you chose fit well to both the theme and the story. I don't think posting the story in short snippets was necessarily bad or kept the reader from falling into the story as much as your other work, but it did make it more difficult even though there was an extra chapter almost everyday. I think the problem for some was that the background of the story was so dark. Still an excellent story.

A well constructed and written tale which had me eagerly checking every day for the next chapter.

A Labyrinthine plot with surprising twists and turns was engaging and I am sorry it has now ended!

More stories of the same quality, please!

Excellent story. Wonderfully developed characters with richness and vibrancy. Plot took many a turn which held my interest. As always, extremely well written. Thank you.

As much as I love reading your work and admire it too. It leaves me with that strange feeling of despair that such occurrences will never happen to me. I mean it in the sense that I will never find a my knight or a damsel in distress and even if I find one I would not have the resources to do anything about it. hence I like reading what you write yet always find myself at a distance from any of your characters. maybe it is a flaw in me and not in your work. I also never intend to get this deep into any such trouble. I am blabbering now so should shut up. look forward to your next work

This is by far the most compelling short story I have ever read. Wonderfully formed characters and perfect plot hooks to keep sucking the reader into the story. I've loved everything you've placed on lit, but this takes the cake. Keep it up Dreamcloud!

I liked chapters 12-13 as a resolution and ending. Also liked the characters and overall story. However, I never made sense of the middle part thru chapter 11 with regard to Samantha/Amber and her actions.

for you disparing reader you may have missed the main point that where there is love there is always hope, been there done that and have a lifetimeof wonder to attest.

Loved the story DC. So happy your friend stopped you from throwing away .. cant help but wonder ... how many other great stories we missing out on!

This series had some interesting twists, there were a few predictable points that gave too much of the plot away, and Mark as a character was way too... soft, especially with the background you gave him. However, as a whole, the series is quite excellent. I imagine the whole story would adapt quite well to a novella or even a full length novel. Some moments felt like it was too rushed like when Mark went from suspicious to falling hopelessly in love and as romantic as that is, its also a bit unrealistic. I did love Amber as a character, she lied a bit too well, but as a whole, she was complex, her emotional mess was intriguing and I would really like to know more about her, the transformation from ruthless druglord to a woman on the run and falling for a stranger feels sudden and the explanation for her development could benefit greatly from a lengthier explanation. Overall, its a very good series.

...to a most enjoyable story.

Minor nitpick:

I had to read this sentence four or five times before I parsed it correctly:

"He had feared was she losing hope and he, his mentor."

...perhaps a comma or a space dash space after "hope" would have made your intent clearer?

. . . to an intriguing and fulfilling story. The gifts of stained glass art to the deputy secretary in this last chapter were a fitting conclusion to what was a story of true love. Believable and realistic characters, filled with flaws and foibles (just like real people!), who became folks that your readers cared about. Thank you for taking good care of them, and thank you for sharing your creativity with your fans.

Amber: the complex emotional journey that led from self-made drug lord to woman on the run to repentant wife and mother was only alluded to. This made it more difficult to understand and thus embrace her transformation. You alluded to a past that explains a lot in chapter 12, but left it hanging. This was a lost opportunity with a great character you created to show how love gave her new life.

Mark: the character you created wouldn't have taken Amber back so easily. "Once bitten twice shy" would be an understatement for the man you painted him to be. It made his capitulation seem implausible and weak. His journey back to trust could have been so much more interesting.

Lizzy: a girl with the unstable early life she must have had would have more issues. You made her out to be too well adjusted for the situation. I have kids adopted in my family from the foster system. So I have seen something of this. Again, the journey of a girl from victim of a broken life to happy kid in a stable family would be a great story about love conquering all. You kinda took the easy way out here.

All in all, a great story. You always create such compelling characters, and I love that I can count on a happy ending. My comments are intended to be helpful, and I hope you find them so. Regardless, thank you for sharing your stories!

Loved the stained glass theme. Keep surprising us all with more excellent stories!

Thoroughly enjoyed the story. Thank you for sharing.

Brujay

Thanks for reminding me I'm not perfect. "Was" and "she" should be reversed, but I believe what follows is acceptable.

Very nice ending. Great story. Thanks for sharing.

I hardly ever read anymore but when I saw the title it just drew me in. When I started reading it captivated me. I think I felt every emotions in the story. It was like I was there, like it was me and Amber instead of Mark. I fell in love with everything about her. Her contagious smile, her carefree attitude, to her love filled eyes. I both laughed and cried with them. I believe the reason I was so mesmerized, I was seeing the same look and body language that my special lady gives me!

You really know how to write a story. I could see this turning into a movie. Great job!

DC, thanks for the reply to my earlier comment.

I'm embarrassed to say that even upon repeated readings of the sentence in question, I didn't notice the two swapped words (I probably automagically corrected that in my mind as I read). Without a comma, hyphen or other visual separation before "and he", I was expecting "and he" (and what followed) to be a continuation of a list of things She was losing. But then, I have been told, that I, tend, to, overuse, commas...

Overall comment on series - Yours is an very well crafted story. You have well developed characters and enough plot twists to keep it interesting. I agree with other commenters that longer submissions would be preferable, perhaps combining two chapters into one submission under one heading. Excellent work!! 5*

Lovely story, great writing with beautifully selected key details and a real gift for the right word. I agree with those who would have liked some more agony around the flipping of emotional states as further information came out .. I guess that would mean fuller character development particularly of Amber and her past, which risks over-explanation, and so a much less magical character. There is an interesting postscript to be written on how the relationship matures, and how Lizzie's difficult start comes out. But whatever - you write a wonderful colourful romantic story.

DC , a great work. I have read all of your stories and this was great.

Just loved it. I kept waiting for their initial meeting to come back to bite them. As a statistician, this kind of coincidence is just a touch hard to accept. But in the end, I suppose there is zillions of different ways they could have met and this one is no more unlikely than any other. Plus, it is surely more interesting.

I loved all of your stories! I cried over each of them, but always want to come back for more. I anxiously await your next one. Thank you so much for sharing!

Kudos for a very good series. And congratulations to Tim413413 for an excellent job of editing. It was very nice to read without tripping on errors. Thank you both. Please write more.

Great characters, with well fleshed out personalities. The twist on finding out who was actually the kingpin , was truly entertaining. It was interesting seeing these two closed off survivors each having the truth of their lives dragged into the light and eventually having the love they built in their first few weeks be strong enough to handle the shocks of each new revelation. Very fine work .You should see about submitting it to a publishing house.

I disagree. Mark responded to the changes and lies perfectly for his character. Think about what kind of personality you have to have to be a high level killer whether for the government or some more nebulous entity. You need to react to change with some level of calm. The fact that in response to the truth was that he got blinding drunk shows that he wasn't truly suited to be that kind of killer. He was able to work through his feelings faster than a normal human because of what he was.

I am in awe of storytelling talent of DreamCloud and the editing ability of Tim413413. Thank you, so much, for sharing your gifts with us.

I had a thought prompted by the "...feared was she losing..." typo pointed out in a comment posted 13-Aug and acknowledged by Tim413413 on 14-Aug. I, too, stumbled over this sentence today (22-Oct). I am blissfully ignorant of the mechanism by which authors submit their work to Literotica.com. I hope that the author(s) and editor(s) take enough pride in their submissions and that Literotica.com makes it painless enough that when errors are pointed out, timely corrections are made so that future readers might get even more enjoyment out of these stories than the rest of us have.

There are few comments about errors in the text. It is regrettable, but Lit makes it a difficult process to repair. The Chapter needs to be resubmitted, redescribed (many fields), renamed with a special tag, and then it goes through a few days of review by the powers that be for content.

My apologies, but I would rather spend my time writing more, than perfecting what is already out of my brain. Though editing may seem simple to the reader, it is a difficult time-consuming process.

Smile: My personal copies have all been corrected. Thank you for finding the errors.

Like yours that bring out the Literotica flaws...where we have to vote and comment on each chapter rather than wait til the end. I have added many of your stories to my "favorite stories" list. In actuality, however, I only added the final chapter rather than the entire story. Never the less, nearly all your tales are among my favorites.

Bugger the odd spelling/grammatical error, tis the internet FFS, so who gives a toss as long as there are creative authors to be read somewhere and this site is as good as any. You and Alwaysraining are my favourite authors by far, one from the US and one from the UK. I have lived on both sides of the Pond and find creative similarities, in spite of the huge cultural differences. Just keep writing. Please!

Lovely work, well constructed characters. I could see them in your words. Two flawed parts into one perfect whole (well as close to perfection as any couple can be).

DreamCloud's stories are so beautifully and well written. They are heartwarming and bring joy and happiness to the readers. He is truly a talented writer and we are most fortunate that he has chosen to share his talent on this site for us. So, thank you DreamCloud for making me lose sleep and meals because I can't tear myself away from your stories to do what needs to be done. I know I am only one of many, but thank you for your incredible skill and talent.

I have decided that you should honestly try writing a full on novel. you might need to tame down the sexual side a bit but your character development and plot lines are amazing. I am constantly frustrated that you cannot put out new stories as fast as I can read. keep on thrilling us with new stories pretty please.

you are a true gift to this world. started reading your stories 2 weeks ago and am running out soon. even at work, cant stay away.

your insight, the thoughts of the characters, the storyline, so well written. and i like the fact that you covered so many different aspects of life in those stories. it feels so real.

wish you a lot of luck so you can keep writing these jewels.

Truly Remarkable

YES YES YES please keep writing

Such beautiful entertainment so well crafted

Bravo

Although there are still a couple of spelling errors and grammatical lapses.

All in all a great improvement on your earlier work, although very limited in its appeal - very much a story written for an American audience.

The rest of the world (and much of the younger generation besides) has pretty much lost it's admiration and/or affection for the once-great us-of-a, the undisputed home of modern-day political correctness and black privilege.

Turn your mind outwards and find a focus outside of the decaying corpse that is America today, and you will assuredly find a literary focus that will allow you to grow and find the exposure you obviously deserve.

Oh, and get yourself a second editor to keep the first one honest.

Surprised there was no discussion with Amber over the stormy piece he made upon his return from Phoenix. Would have led nicely into a discussion on the pain she caused.

I really hope you get paid to write.

Your characters are so great, I fall in love with them!

Thank you for sharing your gift with us, I can't get enough of your stories.

This was a very rewarding story. It took a couple of more than gray characters and with the help of a child lightened their hearts and lives. Thanks and keep writing.

Well done!!! Dam good read.....The whole thing!

I like what you write. It is so addicting. I can't stop reading until i get to the end.

Yoshi

Epilogue was icing on a perfect cake. Amazing story. This series, once again, would make a great movie. J-Lo and Gerard Butler as leads. Excellent!

when you can make me like unsavory characters. As I have said before, you are the most amazing writer I have encountered in over 60 years of reading. With a good publisher and editor you could make some serious money. I don't joke about good books. The fact that you have provided your stories to me as a gift, asking for no money, is not something I will forget.

Who are you... really...

-jaye-

Said it best. I feel very honored to have shared in these written adventures and I am not exaggerating when I tell you that I closed my eyes and could envision each stained glass piece and piece of glass that Mark described, perfectly! You are a true literary master and the entire world should know of the gift that you possess. I only wish that I had two copies of each story (paper and hardback). One for my library shelves (display) and one for my bedroom bookcase (reading). You are a literary marvel!

And about 10 chapters too many.

Negative comments by anonymous readers should always hold no sway. I wish it had been longer.

I just finished reading everything you have published here, many of them for the second time, and they are every bit as wonderful as when I first encountered them. A few minor quibbles over grammatical errors, but the quality of the stories quickly overcame that. Thank you for keeping me entertained.

Gosh where to begin? I've read everything you have written and then a second time in some cases. I've never told my wife but OH HOW I WANT TO! I want so much to share with her the richness of life I find in your writings. Yes I really would like to know who you are and if you are published under a different name and then again no I don't. For me you are hidden treasure which has helped to love my wife on some many deeper levels. Thank you with all my gratitude, thank you.

Warmly and with gratefulness,

Nico

I come back to read your stories! Including your latest which is huge in terms of pages. Read it twice already!

Thank you for sharing on Lit, for free!

Your ability to draw us readers in is amazing as is your character development.

If you publish, I'd love to know.

Thanks you.

C

Wow, what a roller coaster. Very, very well written. I will read all your published prose here on Lit. I don't know of your personal or professional constraints, but I for one like longer chapters. Being purely selfish of course, but you don't know the whims or musings of your tribe until they are presented. Thanks for a wonderful tale and hope to expound with more exuberance at future readings.

Perfect

A rare story, thank you for sharing it.

I have read your writings. Some twice over. You a have a blend of charm and style. You writings never fail to leave me softly sighing and and smiling. Doesn't get much better than this. Look forward to more.

What a sensational story and a delight to read.

...It's what's inside that matters.

And You Sir, have so much inside. I can't get enough.

I do have to say, I prefer one chapter with 23 pages, over 13 chapters at 1-2 pages each. It may be easier on Tim and Lit, but I would rather click the next page, than have to go back and find the next chapter (If I can remember which one I just read).

Regardless, I will always be Anxious to start, Scared of the twist, Happy to be sucked into the mind of your characters and sad when it end.

Regardless of how you cut it, you never fail to earn 5 Stars.

Thank You!

This is a comment for all 13 chapters.

I have to admit that I was quite angry and disappointed that Amber was the bad guy but was pleasantly surprised that she ended up being a nice shade of grey. Lizzie ended up being my favorite, she was just too sweet to resist.

I loved the entire story!

Please listen to "Pretend - by Scott Porter" it was the first thing I remembered after reading this wonderful story. You won't regret it :)

Thank you for this thoroughly enjoyable gem with its so appealing three characters. As I said previously, the rich dialogue and plot twists gave readers mini-cliffhangers from paragraph to paragraph. Would have been such a loss to have trashed the story, and in the future if you ever even consider such a thing with one of your pieces please allow your readers to decide. This is as good as any of your works I have read in my opinion except two. Care to guess?

Excellent Material to Read.Absolutely Marvellous from 1-13. and to Tim413413 for selfless editing

How many kids would she have been responsible for killing with the drugs she peddled? It seems that prison doesn't do a very good job at rehabilitation---perhaps the drug pushers should all be set free from jail so they can self-rehabilitate like Amber, without retribution? You are a fantastic writer with tremendous imagination, although you stretched it a little too far this time.

Sure, this was fantasy. He's a killer with a long history of asassination although supposedly for a good cause. She's a drug lord with over a decade of drug sales which probably resulted in more innocent deaths than his asassinations. They both run out of self justification for what they do and find solace in their mutual love, helped, of course, by an adorable child. Is this a real world scenario? Absolutely not! Samantha/Amber struggles with her exit from the drug world, but somehow manages to give up on the wealth and power that were hers to conrol. Mark had been more comfortable with his withdrawal from the agent role and had found peace in the woods with his glass art. I could empathize with him and sympathize with her, but somehow I could find his "crimes" more acceptable because he felt he was doing a patriot's job although he ended up killing innocents. There is no justification for what she did and her pardon is dead wrong. And Mark's blackmailing the government to free a drug lord is also wrong. This whole thing was a good read, but it leaves one with a bad taste. I gave it a 5*, but I really hated the message.

Great read! Couldn't put it down, I couldn't wait to find out why Amber lied each time. Her flawed reasoning was so stupid but so human. The blackmail was unexpected and made me smile when it worked out. Mark was right, he was owed a bit of happiness after his service. I personally know so many soldiers with PTSD that, even though I know this is fiction, it felt good to see one get something for his efforts. Who cares if Amber didn't deserve to go free. The story is about Mark and your writing makes the reader want to see him happy. I'm only sad because I think I've now read all of your submissions! Awesome work!

Truly amazing story.

It's not the kind of story I was expecting to start reading the whole series, but I really liked it. I must clarify that the past of the characters was not to my liking, but that is due to my own personal demons. Nothing to do with story itself.

This is a story of romance and redemption, for the two protagonists.

DreamCloud, you're still my favorite author.

5 * for you.

I apologize for my English (yet and forever), isn't my native language.

I still think you should have bumped Amber off and then have Mark marry Lizzy's 3rd grade teacher or something. Oh well...

Great story, great writing - as usual. Thanks!

Wow

Another amazing story

Please keep up your amazing stories

Great Story! Nice work! Keep getting better

It is rare for me to start one of these series and feel like I can't put it down. The story had strong characters and a great story line. Please continue to write and give us more enjoyable stories.

Woodbgood

It's going to be very painful going back to the standard Lit story. I think this is ruining me for all other authors. :-)

Your story telling was riveting, well written, and kept me reading. Didn't want to stop till I finished this one. Well Done! Looking forward to reading more of your stories!!!

And thanks for introducing me to the music of Dido. It's now playing on Spotify.

Like Mark I stopped listening to new music in the nineties (unlike Marc I even shunned the radio). That rap music with all the violence and postering (imho there are just two rap songs: 1) I have more money and bitches than anyone else. You disagree? I'll cap your ass. And 2) all the ladies in the house, drop your panties because I want to see your genitals. Yo! I wanna see your genitals etc)

But hey, maybe I'm mistaken. It has happened before. :P

Now that I have skimmed the last 4 chapters I can get some work done before I revisit this story.

Thank you.

Another of your wonderful stories.

Somehow I never thought of myself as a lover of romance literature, but your characters and your plots have me hooked.

Please keep it up, for your readers.

:)

You are larger than literotica. Hope you are writing books and stuff. But hey, keep the lit stuff coming!

I would hope that by now you would know that I. Love your stories very much , I can't say that this ending was all that good, For me, it seemed to lose something in the power of the spell you hold over every one who reads these story's, you draw us in then take us for a ride, in which we are happy to go on. Agent Singer should be expounded on, if she can be unhappy about her relationship, then she can try to fix it as well. Please take this farther than just these 13 chapters there is so much to love, and Lizzy has her own needs as well . like growing up with some one who can love and keep her in a stable loving home life. Where she can grow into a young lady that can learn to make good and proper choices, where the balance is self worth and Love. So She can learn that morals and ethics have a higher place. In the bigger schemes of life. And it isn't always just about yourself,but others that make up the home life. that Family and good friends, Can fill a void that no one else can. And that it's important that she knows she is. Loved by her mother and father.

There are so many things, I Want to say, or to give you Ideas, ….! Thank you for your stories …! R.W.

Thank you Lori for encouraging him to submit this story. It really expressed a lot of human emotion and frailty. I loved it.

Next time though, try "knelt" instead of "knelled" or "kneeled", for being on ones knees.

Another outstanding story from Dream Cloud. The twists and turns were really good. As usual, every character was an essential part of the story. Without cute Lizzy it would not have been anywhere near as good as it was. You bring life to your characters as only a true professional writer can. Every scene is sufficient to grant the reader a mental picture.

I think your best work was The Link followed closely by The Promise, The Mountain, The Cotillion, and the Rehab. All I can say is thank you for the many hours you spent on creating such wonderful stories. I have enjoyed the experience of living through your creations. My only regret is not being able to better compensate you for your time and effort.

Live long and well.

In some ways this was an emotional rollercoaster because you took it to some unexpected places, but I liked to be surprised. On the other hand, part of the plot required a hefty suspension of disbelief. That's pretty much what you can expect from Hollywood, but I prefer to see/read tales that could happen or have happened in real life.

Anyway, my rambling aside, I did enjoy this story and personal preferences aside your chapter ratings are absolutely deserved. Well done also on the editing front, I never go looking for technical issues, but I keep stumbling over them anyway more often than not. This time everything was great.

The DSoS didn't deserve anything but crushed hopes and shattered dreams for her part in the crushing of hopes and shattering dreams of random people implied throughout the story.

That being said, you shouldn't let the thieves dictate sharing your stories here.

In your prefise, you said you threw this in the trash. You were bullied to publish. It should have stayed there. Had this been my first reading of your work, I would not have read anything else. Absolutely pathetic.

I needed this story.

A not so sweet romance centered around my favorite hobby

I enjoyed it

... typos and naive errors with homonyms:

phase vs faze

all be it vs albeit

reign vs rein

console vs council

halve vs half

too vs to

your vs you’re

knelled vs knelt

throughout.

A really magnetic story, I couldn't put it down. Yes there are a few typo's and grammar issues but too few to spoil the reading.

You are a telented writer DreamCloud, Please don't be deterred by the odd spiteful comment.

Can stick their Grammar/Spelling Nazism up their Brown Puckered Rosebuds.

That is if they can get the Dildos out from up there first.

I am always amazed at how some of these Grammar Twat Waffles Bitch about Spelling while reading a Frackin story FOR FREE.

And then the Gutless Douche Canoes don't have the Man-Balls to even put their name to the comment. Pussies.

Many thanks for your story’s have started reading again after not for some years to the people that have left comments about bad grammar and spelling it’s free and most books are proof read at least once before it goes to print very good will carry on reading and you keep on writing.

I liked the fact that the sex scenes were told without resorting to the use of vulgar language! An added bonus for me as a glass artist, was his pleasure from working with glass.

What typos/spelling/grammar errors? I was too busy enjoying a bloody good story to notice.

What a ride. A twisting, well thought out plot. Believable, likeable characters with interesting back stories. The sex scenes mesh nicely with the plot and are written with warmth and realism - none of the eleven-inch-cock-pneumatic-boobs-pornstar-shagathon bollocks that ruins so much erotic fiction.

Quality writing.

I enjoyed it thoroughly from beginning to end. Thank you for sharing your imagination and writing talent with us.

She's a pathological liar plus a drug lord. He's a paid assassin. They blackmail the government to be left alone. Just two crappy people dragging a uninformed kid through life. The best way for this story to end would be for the kid to end up with Grandma and the two of them die in a gunfight with the cartel. Really disappointed with this story.

Loved Amber in the beginning...by the end no feelings for her....felt sorry for mark over and over again...and dear Lizzy...what can I say...Disappointed would be too much as you tried controlling it by the end and kind of succeeded. But common Amber was a druglord for Christs sake...imagine how many deaths she must have caused...why threaten the security of country for love/criminal? That was like crime of the highest level...you can just kill him after a few years cause he is a liability now. There are many sides to this story so I really don't know what to make sense of the characters...one person I feel deserved better was Traci.