Caden's Tale Pt. 02

This

Is beyond silly.

Beyond retarded, even.

What, she fucks everyone else at the drop of a hat, but not him? She's keeping the good guy waiting and make him earn it? This is... do you understand what kind of horrible character you've written here?

By that fucked up logic, he shouldn't treat her nice either, because well he treated his ex-wife nice and look where that got him, he should make her earn it.

Oh wait, you're not going to write that, are you?

1 star

Remember, you can always commit suicide quite literally instead of just literature-wise.

Getting there

I had my doubts on the first part but I enjoyed part 2 much more. I have a feeling neither character deserves their reputation, looking forward to part 3.

A nagging fear you are setting us up for failure

is the only thing that comes to mind.

I can see Lucy pulling the football away just as he attempts to kick.

It was never about size for Angela

Caden has to be the most boring man on the face of the planet.

Enjoyed it

much better. Five stars. Well written.

On the right way...

...I believe this story is improving by the chapter. Interesting read and very distinguisched personalities you are introducing here. Please keep it up. Looking foreward to the next chapter, hoping you will not fall back into having Caden behave wimpy. Jeannie developes into a real winner, showing how people can be misjudged too easily. 4 stars from me.

5+

Way better than the first part, the Jeannie character is just what he needs. Your one of my fav writers, keep it goin in this direction

In spite of what anonymous opined below

Angela was clearly a size queen. I expect we'll find Caden is much more average than he realizes. I won't be surprised if Jeanie is still a virgin too. Despite Angela's proclamations of love; it's clear that with love like that, who needs hate. She played a major mind game on Caden.

ah yes, the cuckold logic

Here is a man with serious self-esteem issues. And where does he find self-justification? With the so-called office slut? The whore with a heart of gold?

His wife is already that much ..

A good portrait of a screwed up mind. Too bad that more attention isn't given to why Caden is the way he is. It would make for a better and more insightful story.

Well written

and insightful but......

Is there a syndrome here where the highly sexed woman and the undersexed man have a mutual magnetism, but with probably the same result we saw with the first wife? This scenario must be based on what happens in real life. There must be loads of cases where the nice but unsexy man and raunchy woman find this attachment with the inevitable result. It's called cuckolding now; but there are loads of cases in history with the same pattern of events -- er Justinian and his wife perhaps? Wasn't she the one who wished she had enough orifices to satisfy all her lovers at once?

"Word got out around the office. Of course they knew. I was the 'needle dick'. I was nobody; good for a job maybe, good when it came to accounts, but beyond that, good for nothing."

How? Seriously, how the fuck would something that only two people knew about, get out around the office?

Him getting divorced, yeah news of that would spread all right. His wife being a delusional, moronic and cheating tramp, unlikely but possible. Such a personal matter as to the size of his dick, no chance.

Carvohi, I don't know if you use an editor or proof reader or even someone to read through what you write to get a different perspective on your work but if you don't, get someone and if you do, get someone else.

It's just a story Guys

Man-O-man your getting some in depth analysis on this one! The comments are like being back in Uni sitting in Syc 101 class. LOL. The best review I could give is to simply ask you to just keep writing! Thx for sharing

Enjoyment

Why do we read in general? For pleasure...even if the pleasure happens to be the instructions on a ceiling fan. Once the job is completed successfully, the pleasure is pure bliss. Your story has fully opened up his feeling of inadequacy. I can unfortunately and fortunately relate. However, I always say that "I'm good," even if I didn't completely take care of her... Can't wait to read more.

Pleasant people,

a problem that includes sexual prowess, and just enough suspense to keep us reading... one more good read from Carvohi. This reader waits with some eagerness for the next installment!

I cannot understand

how anyone with any sense could not love this writer and this story. Carvohi is always good and this, so far, is a marvelous tale.

great story

the way the story is written you can feel how this guys thinks and sees things his ex really did a number on him about his size and now he has to find a way around the memory of what she said. she is pretty self centered the way i see it

Jounar

"How? Seriously, how the fuck would something that only two people knew about, get out around the office?"

In a later passage the author notes that his wife suggested she had told people at the various office parties they had been to together. Kind of sick, it shows that his wife was a bit of a emotional sadist, and I can't understand why he would love someone that did this, but it explains why he believed it was common knowledge.

As to the story. Have been having a great time reading it and love the characters. Love the cuckold archetypes; The sadistic self absorbed cheating wife (she seem incapable of true empathy and thinks only in terms of managing her husband). The wimp husband (made very sympathetic because you get to see his incredibly low self esteem and his slow journey to self worth) and the whore with a heart of gold (who isn't a whore as she only slept with two guy and is in reality a woman of gentile birth). Get story and fun to read. Five stars.

Enjoying the story.

Thank you for writing this.

So far

So far, I like it.

What I don't quite follow is why the Ex-wife told him of her romp in NY when she stepped out 4 other times locally that she didn't say a thing about? Doesn't make sense unless she was looking to move him to active willing cuckold space, which did not seem to be the case.

Obviously Caden big mistakes were lack of self respect and marrying a woman who reserved the right to strange dick because his was small. A fellow should run from any woman who would grind him down like that. She justified it by telling herself that she didn't really mean it or plan to use it ---- yeah right, until she does.

As soon as she reserved the right to strange dick cause his was small, he should have dumped her. "Should have told her, I don't have a big Johnson but I do have self respect --- have a nice life."

Good One

I think that this story is going to end with her being small also?? Alls well that ends well.

In any event, you can write and at the end of the day, that's what this is all about.

nicely descriptive

nicely descriptive i want to read part three

Great story so far

Will he find himself ,his wife destroyed his self esteem. Now can he overcome this and find happiness . I sure not all women are interested in cock size. How small is too small. Average is 5.5 inches to 6 inches.

Your story and its protagonist remind me.....

...of my best friend from high school. Good man, smart, a little less motivated than most....and extremely embarrassed about his junk. We had a gym class together sophomore year and at a time in the past when we were all require to shower in the "circle spray column" and use the same wimpy half-size towels all week.
He was a little smaller than average, and we had a couple of guys that were somewhat bigger than average and arrogant. I'm bigger yet, but do not suffer from that bullshit jock attitude that puts everybody on their heels while the "alphas" waste everybody's time laughing about the superior size of their junk and their superior capability with the girls.
My friend has been hampered his entire life by that insecurity.....but he has way more kids than I do...and is still married to his high school sweetheart.

?

"I assumed most of the women at work had heard about my 'inadequacy'; my wife had intimated as much at other gatherings long before our divorce."

why would his wife tell the whole world that he had a needle dick?

size in the high school shower

The size a guy is in the shower with other guys isn't really proof of anything, except it probably won't be smaller than that.
Some guys are the same size hard or soft.
Some guys grow, sometimes much larger.

And if they get hard looking at naked guys, maybe this isn't the right category for a story about it.

So wait?

His work supervisors find him an underachieving disappointment until he gets drunk and makes a fool out of himself and then passes out at a company function and from that performance they decide they like what they see? Did I read that right?

GREAT STORY

I gave it a five! You did a great job on a product you offer to us absolutly FREE. Looking forward to the next chapter and I'm not second guessing the end.

NOTE TO THOSE WHO SUGGEST YOU SHOULD QUIT. You've read 2 chapters by now and you have cut the man's work to pieces and hinted maybe he should stop burning air. EVERY BIT OF THAT IS YOUR RIGHT--BUT--IF AFTER ALL THIS, YOU READ THE NEXT CHAPTER, DON'T YOU THINK YOU ARE SADLY LACKING SOMETHING? People---get a life!

Good to see he is trying to move forward

So what Angela wrote should have said. "I wanted to tell you again that I love you. I've always loved you. I miss you terribly. I am so sorry for what I did. I know I made a real mess of things, and I'll regret what I did the rest of my life, but I am now hooked on men that are much more endowed than you are. Tho I have not found the perfect cock to become your permenant replacement I am having a ball out every day and night looking for Mr well endowed. I should have told you before we got married that I was a large cock slut and that when we got married I would be looking to get banged by large cocks on a regular basis. But being you knew you did not measure up that I assumed you would understand and accept my needs. I also hope you can find a good woman that can accept that you have a small package."
Keep going still a 5* story. Thanks for the story.

It grew on me

I thought it was a cuck story. But I read on and liked both chapters.

I would have dumped her ass when she ran down my unit.

MCPO Jim

Thanks so far...

There are two anons. Let's get them out of the way.

To ?: She tells everybody he has a little dick to keep the flies away.

To: So wait. Neither Mr. Perth nor Mr. Moravia said he was anything less than good at doing his job. They said they felt they'd get more from him than when they hired him. There was something missing. They thought Jeannie lit the candle.

Thanks to everyone else. Please keep with it. There are only two more parts and they're already in the basket so you won't have to wait half a month and forget what you'd read before.

well

This chapter is even better then the first.

I would like to see more of a lesson for the wife.
She was mean, cold, and astoundingly uncaring of her husbands feelings.

No normal wife would have demeaned him while admitting to adultery, which she did because he didnt measure up or satisfy her.

Admitting what she did, well that was good, but the way she did it was clearly mean to destroy his self confidence.

Yes, she needs more pain, a lesson of some kind on understanding what she did. She thinks it was the cheating, she doesnt understand the damage to his mental health at all.
A bit of that into the story mix would be nice.

You have the guy and new love interest just perfect, cant comment on them other then to say, good job with character development.

Another 5* chapter

Let's wait ans see what happens...

Neurotic

This guy needs a shrink, or at least a good buddy to straighten him out. His problem is not the size of his dick. (ask any lesbian) His problem was his selfish, slut, bitch ex-wife. She is gone, not he needs to move on, it is that simple. The fact that he took the whole dick thing so hard was due to her grinding him down through those years of a lousy marriage. He needs to see that. A good spouse builds you up, they do not tear you down. He should count his blessings that he is away from Angela. As far as the next one is concerned, take that day by day. Fuck her if he gets the chance and see how it goes. If she is a size queen too, then fuck (hard) her again and call it a day. Move on until he can find a compatible partner. Life is that simple if you let it be.

Characterization

And in classic LW fashion, almost none of the feedback written here is intended to help you become a better writer. I'll give my two cents.

This wife character is problematic. Because our main character is such a blank slate, and because so little is going on that doesn't happen in 90% of other stories, the onus for keeping us caring about his relationship or lack thereof with her falls on her. This is actually a common situation in these stories...the main character is built to be a sort of stand-in for the reader, and so the degree to which the story has muscle is the degree to which the woman is written to be a character...not a series of plot points. If she's a mindless turd without a defining personality, who gives a shit if she feels remorse or redeems herself? And worse, what kind of loser are we rooting for, that he could marry such a dumbass creature? When the woman in the story is both stupid and sociopathic, I think less of her husband than I do of her. I mean, she is what she is...but he FELL IN LOVE WITH THAT. This ultimately leads to the Stangstarian problem, where your hero is supposed to be this amazing guy...but he's capable of loving someone who is half a step away from living in a group home and sticking pencils up their butt.

In this story, she is a different person in each scene. She's the loving wife, the cunning manipulator, the childlike idiot, the controlling bitch, and the simpering cow...and that's just chapter one. The end result is that she is no one at all, and so we are left with a story where the hero will either reconcile with no one at all, or will "get over" being mistreated by someone whose very existence in his life is proof that he's a pretty dumb guy.

ESL?

Is English your second language? "I'd loved" is one of several mistakes within your writing.

TheUnoriginalist -- the reason why No offers actual constructive criticism

TheUnoriginalist -- the reason why No offers actual constructive criticism is the this author NEVER takes it

In fact if you have read his comments in the prologue and in the feedback sections he says that he will never take any constructive criticism to heart

A bout her email

Why not ask her which one of the men that works with him, took her to the party. And ask her how many times she has been with this guy before she called him and told him about her little out of owner that I am sure she had planned. He could be the snake that was with her before and left the box in his office and smiled at him. Then tell her to just get the hell out of his life for good.

@TheUnoriginalist Harryin VA What would be the point?

carvohi already has the writing chops but i perceive a devolution in story and character development over recent stories. In my opinion addressing story and character issues would be of more help than an English 201 critique of the story.

It appears to me that carvohi has adopted a mindset and set a course for the majority if not all of his stories where the husband falls on his sword for the sake of the family or "love" with the unsupportable belief that somehow the kids will be better off living a lie and the wife is better off with a martyr for a husband. I don't know why but this seems to be the pervasive theme of his tales. As a result, his talent is wasted and that, coupled with his personal hubris (odd because he wants his male characters to swallow their pride) makes his writing less than palatable. from his comments we are convinced that carvohi knows best. If he is writing only for himself, he does. If actually wanting to challenge, entertain, or inform his readers... he does not.

Didn't read the piece and won't. YAWN. But I read you comment and from past experience would guess that I am spot on about story arc, lack of consistency and purpose in character development, and a protagonist who is a tower of jell-o.

carvohi, it's not always the husband's fault and he is not less valuable than a cheating wife and her enabling parents and inlaws. It would be great if there are real consequences (not BTB) and recognition of root problems and not more of the same.

Good Writing

I wanted to drop you a public note to tell you how much I think your writing has improved. The story telling is tight, the characters interesting, and the grammer is good imo. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

Worth reading. Will rate it when its complete.

Sure, its contrived and unbelievable. But its better than having him suck some BBC cum out of his Ex's pussy. Thanks for not going there.

people leave comments instead of reading the piece?

Kind of a scary thing, don't you think?
The male lead is a bit of a shmoe... and I tried to debunk the "big dick" thing in practical terms in another comment (odd that it raised someones' hackles)...

Here I'll get a bit metaphorical. For MM, and everyone else who is fixated on the sexual skill/size issue... this week Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy announced their relationship had broken up. You kinda wanted to take the green guy to the side and say "Yah, you are a bit of a frog... but she is also a bit of a pig."

YMMV

Green-something

WHAT CONTROLS THE PERSONS EGO

I think blood in the head gives it orders. TK U MLJ LV NV

Carvohi writes interesting Stories

He really isn't proposing that we identify with any of his characters which are full of very human failings.

Still liking it....

Still liking it....But waiting for the ending to comment the story as a whole...

e mail

I agree with in overthehillmedic in that who was the ex wife with at the party with, as she makes no reference in her e mail either !
If the wife's character in the story is to be repentant. I would have liked there to be more effort from the wife to resolve / save her marriage from being ruined !

Nice

All in all it seems our hero is landing on his feet. A woman with an unfounded rep was bringing him back to normal. Now we have to check on his confidence. And who was the ex-cunt er wife at the party with? I guess we'll see...

Well the predictable seems to be happening.

Avoid RAAC and maybe you'll have a story. It seems either his bosses are happy for him or they're setting him up to be canned. Probably the latter. Companies tend to frown on any type of workplace romance. Too many opportunities for trouble and they warned him. Why any boss would be anything but angry at an employee who got drunk at a Company event is beyond me. That made no sense. And I see that the predictable number of "views" fell between this and the first chapter. You're droning on in spots. Pick up the pace.

3*s

A rather insular world of Caden'. No family, no hobbies, no friends, no religious affiliation. Very unlike the usual Carvohi story. Still earned 3*s.
The drive through Oakland, Md. is pleasant but very short , lol.


AMerryman

Redheads

Okay, I know you like redheads for sure. Green eyes and freckles. I am guessing she's a frizzy redhead? That's the most common type, especially with the freckles. I admit that I love redheads too. There was a girl in my high school many years ago named Cathy. She was a bit of an amazon: a big voluptuous girl, with breasts that any young boy would drool over. She was quiet and pleasant. What I remember most of all, though, was that her her was long and straight and had all sorts of different shades and highlights in it. Just beautiful. Her eyes weren't green- they were actually almost purple. I yearned for her from afar (well next to her in German class). My daydreams were dashed when, one day, I saw her meet a big burly older dude and get on his bicycle and ride away. Oops, she wasn't as sweet as I thought, and that Irish Rose/Valkyrie had already been taken. Fun to think about though.

Sorry, I was supposed to comment on your story but I got caught up in the redhead thing. Things are looking up, and I suspect that Caden's hangup with his manhood will be a real issue. I look forward to seeing how things go!

Second time through

Thanks for the offering.