There'll be plenty of detractors and critics, and all of them will be saying the same thing: he's a cuckold pussy wimp, he was a loser, he was an idiot, he forgot to pay his taxes, he should eat shit and die, he should become a vegetarian, etc.
But if you were to read INTO the essence of the story, it's the realization and pain that ALL OF US as human beings go through in life: finding out about something that we always thought was true, but turning out to be a lie.
Santa Claus doesn't exist. Neither does the Easter Bunny, Or the tooth fairy. And life is never fair. But we all believed in all that once upon a time in our lives.
The tragedy of this story is that there will never be a chance for human revenge or closure to sate his ego, to reclaim something that was always fragile to begin with: faith and hope.
My point? I didn't like the style of the narration. And there was too little background about each character that would have allowed me to empathize or relate with them. But the essence of the story sparked thought and deliberation, and that to me made me like this piece.
My suggestion? Add meat to the story: character development, scene setting, actual emotional conflict, etc. Who knows? It might turn this hamburger into a steak.
As with many things, the protagonist must deal with his own role in this deception. He was in denial for 30 years despite the signs of infidelity. He never followed up on what should have been suspicion. That is on him.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
I do like some of the insight to the over all of the story
and characters. I am willing to invest time to read and think of what is the point of the presenter... Silly of me but I am cutting some slack on the two chapters.. I am not going to rank yet... until the completion... then go back and rate all chapters
...husbands often turn out to oversee signs that, in hindsight, seem obvious. However: I think it would be a natural reaction to extinguish her out of his past completely. Getting rid of the tombstone is a must; so is the total destruction of every memory (of her and/or Ian) and any evidence they ever walked the face of this earth.The kids object? Fuck them! They knew and felt it easier to play dumb.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
A good story but Carols character is to over the top.
Why marry someone you hate so much that you get off on betraying them? Why not find love and find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, not someone you hate. Because the stuff she does to him is hate, pure and simple.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
So
Thats why you spent all your time together and screwing after she got on the pill, right? Because she didnt enjoy sex with you?
Sad story. It's even worse that everyone is dead. That makes it so much harder to get closure and move on. This is the perfect scenario to fuck up the rest of his life. Damn, that sucks.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
Dreary
So your story is centered around an oblivious simpleton and the town bike.
And why would we enjoy reading about them?
by
Anonymous08/07/15
all your stories are the same, pathic people.
Someone must have really shit in your wheaties.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
This is horrible and depressing
Absolutely did not enjoy reading this tell of a whore.
He was depressed...but after the first shock and knowing his children were his, he should be happy...Two of the lowest people he knew (one his wife, the other his friend) had received the deserved punishment, and his prize was that he hadn't to do nothing for that to happen...Now he could have, finally an happy life. 2*
by
Anonymous08/07/15
What is the point
I do not understand the point of this story. Why would we want to read this? It isn't erotic, it isn't a satisfying revenge story, it doesn't have a clever twist ...there is nothing worthwhile to interest the reader.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
We read these stories because of the "rush" we get
The rush we all get from these stories is different. Some like the erotic out of bounds of normal society rush. Some like the humiliation pain rush. Some read these to get the self anger self righteous BTB pain rush.
The author made me angry about this mans stupidity and his wife's evil , yes evil attitude. If that was his purpose, the author succeeded.
I am beginning to understand that a spike of self righteous anger is a little addicting for me.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
Whiner! Eyes wide shut got him what he got.....
....we all open ourselves to trust when falling in love. But one-side love is not love at all, and being more aware would have likely put paid to Carol up front.
We've all known duplicitous women. But very few are so good at living a lie that they can keep it from other for 30 years.cour "hero" is either a complete moron, or a consciensiously ignorant fool.
Either way....a pointless submission.
TUO had it pegged in comments after the first chapter
that with all the participants in the evil cuckolding dead, the story had no more drama other than the information of what happened itself. Still decent, a three.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
Simply not worth the time spent reading it
Nothing original, clever or erotic. Certainly not interesting or entertaining. Actually kind of depressing that he was that clueless and that she was such a miserable person. Just no fun to read. No stars.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
Boring
She fucked him, she fucked another guy, she fucked another guy, etc., etc. This is like the scorecard of an overly long and boring basketball game.
you should have dug Carol up and dump her rotting flesh in Ian's bed before you pissed in his face. Then moved away from your family and so called friends. A real friend would have taken pic or hire a PI to follow the whore and give you the file. Not just let you go on for 30 years looking like a willing cuckold.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
I gave the story a 3
It was okay. Could have been written a bit better...so I went into skim mode.
The next installment should be the final. He should just piss on her grave and burn the diaries and everything Carol. She deserves to be blotted out.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
Too dispassionate
Yeah, he says he’s angry and hurt, but that’s it. He says he’s angry and hurt but never really shows it. This is told in the first person, and yet there is really almost nothing in it of him. It’s about as dry as a news report.
A perfect example is the last few paragraphs. Yeah, he finds out his children are his, but he also finds out they pretty much knew what their mother was like and lied to him. His reaction? Nothing. There’s not anger or hurt. Hell, there isn’t enough to qualify as indifference. There’s nothing.
All you created was a story where she played him for a fool, got a nice comfortable life, and he’s left with a life of remorse and hurt. One commenter stated, “There'll be plenty of detractors and critics, and all of them will be saying the same thing: he's a cuckold pussy wimp, he was a loser, he was an idiot, …” Well, yeah, because that’s what was in the story.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
lol
id sell my side of the burial plot and find another grave somewhere else and if the head stone had both our names Id remove that one and put one in in jut her name. Maiden at that. Mine would suggest kids. Hers would name lovers
Davinia knew! She shoulda just burned them the first night after they were discovered!
Wish I could have my time back from reading this ... not quite as depressed from reading this as Hubby was from reading Sweetie's diaries, but it is a major downer!
But Ian character makes no sense. Why would he push her to fuck others when he could just fuck her himself? Your plot kind of falls apart there.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
Wtf did I just read
A very poorly thought out plot. Is this supposed to be sexy or what....? She gets mad and goes and "bumps" into Ian everytime I mean I'd rather listen to my ducking subaru grinding gears
Kind of stupid and boring, like the main character.
So if her safety net was so important, why was she recording every detail in diaries? Never mind, its all too contrived and stupid to matter.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
Only for sake of the cemetery's maintance workers!
The husband should piss on her tomb. I do not offer to shit on her tomb, because he must think of the cemetery's maintaince workers.
by
Anonymous08/07/15
To piss on her tomb once a year!
@ impo_61 You are right! He is free, he is living, she dead and her lovers too. His kids are his.
Fireworks for the free life and to go to piss on her tomb once a year!
What are we, little children? If you have lived in this world for 50 years or more and have not seen the evil in man's heart you are an ignorant bastard. Even in those closest to you, evil dwells in their breast. That is the whole concept behind Christianity, original sin. Some of us can control ourselves, some of us rely on God's salvation, some of us simply give in to it. If you are married for 30 years to the same person and they are a cheater, even if you deny the evidence there will be many other incidents of the evil ways that you cannot deny. Cheating is merely the extreme form of their selfish and deceptive character. They will lie and cheat in many other ways. You would know and you would not really be surprised to discover their cheating! If you were honest, you would also not really be that hurt by it, because it makes sense, they are scum and always were scum all along.
by
Anonymous08/08/15
boy, this is badly done!
This bears no relationship to reality at all. Again, this reads like it was written by a 12 yr. old.
by
Anonymous08/08/15
I wish I had never read this story
But I did. Well, I skipped over some of the shopping list of slut activities.
In part one, many complained that part two was going to be pretty predictable and you certainly delivered on that. Really no surprizes.
I'm sorry but I do not see the point of this story
What are you trying to communicated to us? Very hard to understand the plot. It could be just me but a story based fully in the past with the principal already dead in the first sentence is very boring to a reader. Just my humble opinion sir.
I thought it might turn out something like this, but never to the extent she slutted around. Some mentioned above about chiseling off her married name of her grave marker and references to loving wife and mother. Also publishing the diaries on the internet. That would have been a nice touch. But I had very sinister and dark scenario in mind. And not that I would EVER suggest anyone doing it. Since this was soon after her death, digging up her corpse in the middle of the night and rebury the coffin. Then take her dead body, dismember it, and throw it off the Cliffs of Dover. Then at least the fish would get some satisfaction from her.
5 *'s
AHG:
I thought that perhaps you did not plot the whole story out before you began to write it, because in the end, it had no drama, no excitement, the husband wasn't a particularly sympathetic character, and the wife was horrible, a totally split personality. It would have been somewhat more credible if you have not made her such a slut (amazing she did not get a venereal disease). Still, it would not have made the story much better. I have stories written that I though never really worked, and they sit on my computer..
Chilley
by
Anonymous08/10/15
2*
Boring. Nothing to do with me. A great failure for you AliHomeygrass. Gave you 2*s.
You should attend a peace conference in the middle east. You are successful at eliminating all emotions!
The taking Down of his Brother and Ian plus any others he knows of or can Locate give them miserable Old Age .
by
Anonymous03/13/16
i have smarter rocks in my rock garden than him
by
Anonymous05/01/16
Crap worst sorry I've ever read
Total rubbish I'd give no stars but could not.what a waste of time
by
Anonymous07/24/16
An absolute piece of shit!
Man oh man, if that story has any truth in it than you have to be the dumbest shit in the world....You had no idea what a whore your so called wife was? If not you really were not in the same realm of the world that she was. Take 5 Valium and go back to where you were...
It was a story about a disrespectful, dishonourable, almost hateful and spiteful, cheating cunt and a complete loser who for 20 years (not going to go back and see) was so oblivious to the piece of shite slag he married.
I would find anyone who was still alive and bust the unsuspecting heads open. I know it's my kids mother but that kind of betrayal would push my limits. Maybe have her body dug up cremated and dumped in a garbage dump. Would help with closure after smashing a few heads in . She's a real dirty cunt who lied and faked her whole life. The kids would need DNA samples because if any came up as not his he could try and figure out who and sue for all the years of raising someone else kid. Only to give it to them anyway. They are his anyway
English
I actually liked this
There'll be plenty of detractors and critics, and all of them will be saying the same thing: he's a cuckold pussy wimp, he was a loser, he was an idiot, he forgot to pay his taxes, he should eat shit and die, he should become a vegetarian, etc.
But if you were to read INTO the essence of the story, it's the realization and pain that ALL OF US as human beings go through in life: finding out about something that we always thought was true, but turning out to be a lie.
Santa Claus doesn't exist. Neither does the Easter Bunny, Or the tooth fairy. And life is never fair. But we all believed in all that once upon a time in our lives.
The tragedy of this story is that there will never be a chance for human revenge or closure to sate his ego, to reclaim something that was always fragile to begin with: faith and hope.
My point? I didn't like the style of the narration. And there was too little background about each character that would have allowed me to empathize or relate with them. But the essence of the story sparked thought and deliberation, and that to me made me like this piece.
My suggestion? Add meat to the story: character development, scene setting, actual emotional conflict, etc. Who knows? It might turn this hamburger into a steak.
self deception
As with many things, the protagonist must deal with his own role in this deception. He was in denial for 30 years despite the signs of infidelity. He never followed up on what should have been suspicion. That is on him.
I do like some of the insight to the over all of the story
and characters. I am willing to invest time to read and think of what is the point of the presenter... Silly of me but I am cutting some slack on the two chapters.. I am not going to rank yet... until the completion... then go back and rate all chapters
Actually I do not really blame him...
...husbands often turn out to oversee signs that, in hindsight, seem obvious. However: I think it would be a natural reaction to extinguish her out of his past completely. Getting rid of the tombstone is a must; so is the total destruction of every memory (of her and/or Ian) and any evidence they ever walked the face of this earth.The kids object? Fuck them! They knew and felt it easier to play dumb.
A good story but Carols character is to over the top.
Why marry someone you hate so much that you get off on betraying them? Why not find love and find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with, not someone you hate. Because the stuff she does to him is hate, pure and simple.
So
Thats why you spent all your time together and screwing after she got on the pill, right? Because she didnt enjoy sex with you?
Wow
Sad story. It's even worse that everyone is dead. That makes it so much harder to get closure and move on. This is the perfect scenario to fuck up the rest of his life. Damn, that sucks.
Dreary
So your story is centered around an oblivious simpleton and the town bike.
And why would we enjoy reading about them?
all your stories are the same, pathic people.
Someone must have really shit in your wheaties.
This is horrible and depressing
Absolutely did not enjoy reading this tell of a whore.
He was depressed...but...
He was depressed...but after the first shock and knowing his children were his, he should be happy...Two of the lowest people he knew (one his wife, the other his friend) had received the deserved punishment, and his prize was that he hadn't to do nothing for that to happen...Now he could have, finally an happy life. 2*
What is the point
I do not understand the point of this story. Why would we want to read this? It isn't erotic, it isn't a satisfying revenge story, it doesn't have a clever twist ...there is nothing worthwhile to interest the reader.
We read these stories because of the "rush" we get
The rush we all get from these stories is different. Some like the erotic out of bounds of normal society rush. Some like the humiliation pain rush. Some read these to get the self anger self righteous BTB pain rush.
The author made me angry about this mans stupidity and his wife's evil , yes evil attitude. If that was his purpose, the author succeeded.
I am beginning to understand that a spike of self righteous anger is a little addicting for me.
Whiner! Eyes wide shut got him what he got.....
....we all open ourselves to trust when falling in love. But one-side love is not love at all, and being more aware would have likely put paid to Carol up front.
We've all known duplicitous women. But very few are so good at living a lie that they can keep it from other for 30 years.cour "hero" is either a complete moron, or a consciensiously ignorant fool.
Either way....a pointless submission.
TUO had it pegged in comments after the first chapter
that with all the participants in the evil cuckolding dead, the story had no more drama other than the information of what happened itself. Still decent, a three.
Simply not worth the time spent reading it
Nothing original, clever or erotic. Certainly not interesting or entertaining. Actually kind of depressing that he was that clueless and that she was such a miserable person. Just no fun to read. No stars.
Boring
She fucked him, she fucked another guy, she fucked another guy, etc., etc. This is like the scorecard of an overly long and boring basketball game.
I agree, it was a little lacking
you should have dug Carol up and dump her rotting flesh in Ian's bed before you pissed in his face. Then moved away from your family and so called friends. A real friend would have taken pic or hire a PI to follow the whore and give you the file. Not just let you go on for 30 years looking like a willing cuckold.
I gave the story a 3
It was okay. Could have been written a bit better...so I went into skim mode.
The next installment should be the final. He should just piss on her grave and burn the diaries and everything Carol. She deserves to be blotted out.
Too dispassionate
Yeah, he says he’s angry and hurt, but that’s it. He says he’s angry and hurt but never really shows it. This is told in the first person, and yet there is really almost nothing in it of him. It’s about as dry as a news report.
A perfect example is the last few paragraphs. Yeah, he finds out his children are his, but he also finds out they pretty much knew what their mother was like and lied to him. His reaction? Nothing. There’s not anger or hurt. Hell, there isn’t enough to qualify as indifference. There’s nothing.
All you created was a story where she played him for a fool, got a nice comfortable life, and he’s left with a life of remorse and hurt. One commenter stated, “There'll be plenty of detractors and critics, and all of them will be saying the same thing: he's a cuckold pussy wimp, he was a loser, he was an idiot, …” Well, yeah, because that’s what was in the story.
lol
id sell my side of the burial plot and find another grave somewhere else and if the head stone had both our names Id remove that one and put one in in jut her name. Maiden at that. Mine would suggest kids. Hers would name lovers
Postmortem Humiliation!
Davinia knew! She shoulda just burned them the first night after they were discovered!
Wish I could have my time back from reading this ... not quite as depressed from reading this as Hubby was from reading Sweetie's diaries, but it is a major downer!
Very Rough Writing
But Ian character makes no sense. Why would he push her to fuck others when he could just fuck her himself? Your plot kind of falls apart there.
Wtf did I just read
A very poorly thought out plot. Is this supposed to be sexy or what....? She gets mad and goes and "bumps" into Ian everytime I mean I'd rather listen to my ducking subaru grinding gears
Interesting story
I wait part 3 with interest...
Kind of stupid and boring, like the main character.
So if her safety net was so important, why was she recording every detail in diaries? Never mind, its all too contrived and stupid to matter.
Only for sake of the cemetery's maintance workers!
The husband should piss on her tomb. I do not offer to shit on her tomb, because he must think of the cemetery's maintaince workers.
To piss on her tomb once a year!
@ impo_61 You are right! He is free, he is living, she dead and her lovers too. His kids are his.
Fireworks for the free life and to go to piss on her tomb once a year!
Who Cares?
What are we, little children? If you have lived in this world for 50 years or more and have not seen the evil in man's heart you are an ignorant bastard. Even in those closest to you, evil dwells in their breast. That is the whole concept behind Christianity, original sin. Some of us can control ourselves, some of us rely on God's salvation, some of us simply give in to it. If you are married for 30 years to the same person and they are a cheater, even if you deny the evidence there will be many other incidents of the evil ways that you cannot deny. Cheating is merely the extreme form of their selfish and deceptive character. They will lie and cheat in many other ways. You would know and you would not really be surprised to discover their cheating! If you were honest, you would also not really be that hurt by it, because it makes sense, they are scum and always were scum all along.
boy, this is badly done!
This bears no relationship to reality at all. Again, this reads like it was written by a 12 yr. old.
I wish I had never read this story
But I did. Well, I skipped over some of the shopping list of slut activities.
In part one, many complained that part two was going to be pretty predictable and you certainly delivered on that. Really no surprizes.
I'm sorry but I do not see the point of this story
What are you trying to communicated to us? Very hard to understand the plot. It could be just me but a story based fully in the past with the principal already dead in the first sentence is very boring to a reader. Just my humble opinion sir.
Well at the end of Chapter 1...
I thought it might turn out something like this, but never to the extent she slutted around. Some mentioned above about chiseling off her married name of her grave marker and references to loving wife and mother. Also publishing the diaries on the internet. That would have been a nice touch. But I had very sinister and dark scenario in mind. And not that I would EVER suggest anyone doing it. Since this was soon after her death, digging up her corpse in the middle of the night and rebury the coffin. Then take her dead body, dismember it, and throw it off the Cliffs of Dover. Then at least the fish would get some satisfaction from her.
5 *'s
Well, you indeed painted youself into a corner
AHG:
I thought that perhaps you did not plot the whole story out before you began to write it, because in the end, it had no drama, no excitement, the husband wasn't a particularly sympathetic character, and the wife was horrible, a totally split personality. It would have been somewhat more credible if you have not made her such a slut (amazing she did not get a venereal disease). Still, it would not have made the story much better. I have stories written that I though never really worked, and they sit on my computer..
Chilley
2*
Boring. Nothing to do with me. A great failure for you AliHomeygrass. Gave you 2*s.
You should attend a peace conference in the middle east. You are successful at eliminating all emotions!
AMerryman
At the end of this chapter is sounds like he is going
to wimp out and forgive her for being a slut.
wow
A new twist on a cum sucking cuckold story no point at all ,
Cheating is wrong
Story needs a happy ending
Diaries - Why?
That is a little switch on "The Bridges Of Madison County".
Just a big sucky story
Line after line of a cum slut doing disgusting things and the cucky husband that can't do anything about it. A pathetic read.
Chapter 3
The taking Down of his Brother and Ian plus any others he knows of or can Locate give them miserable Old Age .
i have smarter rocks in my rock garden than him
Crap worst sorry I've ever read
Total rubbish I'd give no stars but could not.what a waste of time
An absolute piece of shit!
Man oh man, if that story has any truth in it than you have to be the dumbest shit in the world....You had no idea what a whore your so called wife was? If not you really were not in the same realm of the world that she was. Take 5 Valium and go back to where you were...
Ok, now I wish I had never read this story.
It was utter crap beginning to the non-end
It was a story about a disrespectful, dishonourable, almost hateful and spiteful, cheating cunt and a complete loser who for 20 years (not going to go back and see) was so oblivious to the piece of shite slag he married.
What was the point?
Outcome?
So what finally happened, nothing was decided?
Not finished
I would find anyone who was still alive and bust the unsuspecting heads open. I know it's my kids mother but that kind of betrayal would push my limits. Maybe have her body dug up cremated and dumped in a garbage dump. Would help with closure after smashing a few heads in . She's a real dirty cunt who lied and faked her whole life. The kids would need DNA samples because if any came up as not his he could try and figure out who and sue for all the years of raising someone else kid. Only to give it to them anyway. They are his anyway
Ugh
This is about as erotic as a cardboard box.
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