A little too rushed and a little too easy...where is the conflict?
by
Anonymous08/08/15
Sexy Jack
Give that sexy son some soft chest hair that Carol can trace her fingers through -- soft chest hair that completes a man's appearance! After all, as a former military man, and a 25 year old, he is mature and no doubt grown up from what he was as a young teen! Good work!
by
Anonymous08/08/15
keep writing
Great work. Not to long but stull managed to tell a goodstory i like. Keep it up and write more stories especially ones that end up with someone knocked up. Xoxo
Your writing isn't bad but it lacks detail. Sounded more like a person sharing a story with a friend instead of an author telling a story. I don't go into too much detail but I give some. Yours didn't have any. She fucked him dry: oral, anal etc? All we know is they tucked. Need more detail for future stories. **
by
Anonymous08/09/15
Lovely mother
Mom can't control her need for young hard cock and her son having now tasted the slick wet pussy of his mom can't stop himself from mounting mommy every chance he gets. Any mom reminding her son that she can still get pregnant, while his bear unprotected cock is enjoying her pussy, is begging for a womb full of seed. It is only natural to seek to make a baby even if it is mommys belly. I would assume after the first baby is born, this loving son will be back humping away on his mommy and grunting his seed into her again. Perhaps mommy will beg for a baby next go around. Mommy's body is now her son's playground and she will be known around the courthouse as the pregnant judge.
by
Anonymous08/09/15
what a thot
Once was a mistake since she was drunk,
but twice and more! Shame on her.Her new baby has to call his son father and brother and the judge mother who should know better has to be mother and grandma.
I hardly know what to comment. The story is worth reading but it could be so much better with just a little work. Then I check your Bio and find you have written 5 or 6 stories and have gotten some pretty good scores, in fact mostly equal to or better than mine. Still, some others seem to have sensed the same problem I have so I'm going on a limb and suggest you spend more time on character development, especially if you aren't going into any more of the details during intercourse. You seem to be trying to straddle the fence between porn and erotica and getting left hanging by your balls on that fence.
If you are trying for a quick whack off story, you need much more detail about the sex act itself; then you can maybe get by with the cardboard characters. The way you wrote the sex acts will work for erotica, but you must let us see the inner selves of the characters. They must be people we can understand, can sympathize with and even feel we'd know them if we met them on the street. If your characters were developed to that point (or at least using that as a goal, we all fail to make it), then you'd have a very good erotic story.
Okay, I've run off at the mouth and given you the type of advice I want readers to give me for my stories. (BTY I don't get it much anymore, but when I first started a few were kind enough to help both here and by the Bio page contact) It's worth at least what it cost you. GOOD LUCK WITHN YOUR FUTURE STORIES.
by
Anonymous08/09/15
an excellent story and some great comments
I like the comment of the reader who wrote "lovely mother." As he so well put it, once a boy has his young cock up the same wonderful hairy hole he came out of--his own mother's cunt--there's no stopping him. The kid'll be mounting his mommy every chance he gets. He'll bend her over the kitchen counter, push her up against the wall, climb on top of her in her bed, he'll fuck his mom whenever and wherever he can. On the lawn at night, in the bathroom at the mall, in the lavatory on the plane on the way to visit grandma, in the bedroom at his grandparents' house with them on the other side of the thin wall--the boy has just got to get his cock up inside his mommy, up to his balls. As the reader says, "this loving son will be back humping away on his mommy and grunting his seed into her" over and over again. He's got plenty of semen in those hot young balls of his and he and his mom know where every single drop of his sperm belongs. Up his own mother's warm wet ever-loving twat.
Ted Williams the MLB player hit .400 and was one of the best batters, ever.
I lost count but I have several writing accounts at LIT, with over 100 stories posted. The late Donald Westlake wrote under multiple names because he wrote so many books his publisher couldn't print them all. I posted 23 stories in June. Some are good, some are meh, some infuriate readers. The average LIT reader demands a sexual conquest tale (Mike and Carol seduce Alice the maid) with a pinch of story. Everyone does THAT here. Not me.
English
What the heck did I just read? That was a total mess. A train wreck of illiterate garbage. I want my minute back.
story continues
carol gives birth to a 7 lb 4 oz baby boy that looks like jack
Hmm
A little too rushed and a little too easy...where is the conflict?
Sexy Jack
Give that sexy son some soft chest hair that Carol can trace her fingers through -- soft chest hair that completes a man's appearance! After all, as a former military man, and a 25 year old, he is mature and no doubt grown up from what he was as a young teen! Good work!
keep writing
Great work. Not to long but stull managed to tell a goodstory i like. Keep it up and write more stories especially ones that end up with someone knocked up. Xoxo
Well...
Your writing isn't bad but it lacks detail. Sounded more like a person sharing a story with a friend instead of an author telling a story. I don't go into too much detail but I give some. Yours didn't have any. She fucked him dry: oral, anal etc? All we know is they tucked. Need more detail for future stories. **
Lovely mother
Mom can't control her need for young hard cock and her son having now tasted the slick wet pussy of his mom can't stop himself from mounting mommy every chance he gets. Any mom reminding her son that she can still get pregnant, while his bear unprotected cock is enjoying her pussy, is begging for a womb full of seed. It is only natural to seek to make a baby even if it is mommys belly. I would assume after the first baby is born, this loving son will be back humping away on his mommy and grunting his seed into her again. Perhaps mommy will beg for a baby next go around. Mommy's body is now her son's playground and she will be known around the courthouse as the pregnant judge.
what a thot
Once was a mistake since she was drunk,
but twice and more! Shame on her.Her new baby has to call his son father and brother and the judge mother who should know better has to be mother and grandma.
????
I hardly know what to comment. The story is worth reading but it could be so much better with just a little work. Then I check your Bio and find you have written 5 or 6 stories and have gotten some pretty good scores, in fact mostly equal to or better than mine. Still, some others seem to have sensed the same problem I have so I'm going on a limb and suggest you spend more time on character development, especially if you aren't going into any more of the details during intercourse. You seem to be trying to straddle the fence between porn and erotica and getting left hanging by your balls on that fence.
If you are trying for a quick whack off story, you need much more detail about the sex act itself; then you can maybe get by with the cardboard characters. The way you wrote the sex acts will work for erotica, but you must let us see the inner selves of the characters. They must be people we can understand, can sympathize with and even feel we'd know them if we met them on the street. If your characters were developed to that point (or at least using that as a goal, we all fail to make it), then you'd have a very good erotic story.
Okay, I've run off at the mouth and given you the type of advice I want readers to give me for my stories. (BTY I don't get it much anymore, but when I first started a few were kind enough to help both here and by the Bio page contact) It's worth at least what it cost you. GOOD LUCK WITHN YOUR FUTURE STORIES.
an excellent story and some great comments
I like the comment of the reader who wrote "lovely mother." As he so well put it, once a boy has his young cock up the same wonderful hairy hole he came out of--his own mother's cunt--there's no stopping him. The kid'll be mounting his mommy every chance he gets. He'll bend her over the kitchen counter, push her up against the wall, climb on top of her in her bed, he'll fuck his mom whenever and wherever he can. On the lawn at night, in the bathroom at the mall, in the lavatory on the plane on the way to visit grandma, in the bedroom at his grandparents' house with them on the other side of the thin wall--the boy has just got to get his cock up inside his mommy, up to his balls. As the reader says, "this loving son will be back humping away on his mommy and grunting his seed into her" over and over again. He's got plenty of semen in those hot young balls of his and he and his mom know where every single drop of his sperm belongs. Up his own mother's warm wet ever-loving twat.
Ted Williams hit .400
Ted Williams the MLB player hit .400 and was one of the best batters, ever.
I lost count but I have several writing accounts at LIT, with over 100 stories posted. The late Donald Westlake wrote under multiple names because he wrote so many books his publisher couldn't print them all. I posted 23 stories in June. Some are good, some are meh, some infuriate readers. The average LIT reader demands a sexual conquest tale (Mike and Carol seduce Alice the maid) with a pinch of story. Everyone does THAT here. Not me.
A fun read
More detail. Interesting read,
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