The Director: Avalanche

not hard to tell

was kind of person this author is just a poison prick .

Unlikable

The guy is just plain unlikable. It's hard to like a story with unlikable characters.

HOLYday? Yeah, you're a critic...lmao

Such whiny bitch comments...Grow the fuck up, if you don't like it, just go the fuck to the next story...

nothing but dickless wonders.....

Jack off.....an orgasm would do your troll asses a world of good......

Use a ball peen hammer when you are beating your meat.

Lost Me

Lost me in the first paragraph!

HELP!

To live together for the sake of the kids and to hate each other for 18-20 years!
Victoria is also a bitch she has no kids so the divorce is an easy solution for her.

If yor marriage is in the tolet,better for the kids to end it

How can you stay in a loveless marriage, it will never work. The kids will know and the tension wil be there. So divorce and end it. It will be bad but you'll be free. If you cheat you just creat a bigger problem.

Mixing Tenses

In the same paragraph.

mixed tense??? Really wtf, This fool comes on a porn web site

and grades papers! Get a life dumb ass, and eat it. I gave you a 5 for your story and content, not spelling!

A nice little mix -

hostility and lust, plus a sort of dark revenge for having been bullied in his youth. Fun stuff!

wow

this needs so many more chapters.

dump the wife, get this girl is the way to go.

It would be nice to see his wife and Rich tied to chairs to watch, Neat story. Im a construction worker and that other comment about construction workers, That guy is ignorant, I know plenty of prim and proper construction workers

All no moral characters....

This is a story about a bunch of no moral people...2*

The basic story line had a chance to be good

but the writing needs some work. First off, the characters are reprehensible people, so that no sympathy or empathy are generated towards them. It is nt a struggle for either party to cheat, and the payoff of fucking an assholes wife isnt there since the one doing the fucking is an asshole too.

Other problems exist as well that erode credibility of the story, ie the drinking and then being able to perform, her going total slut with no feelings of guilt, and on.

You are a good writer, it's just you need to have some characters the audience can root for and identify with.

What a bunch!

Let's have a tsunami next and take care of the entire gang.

It was just too weird. More like nothing to like.

So I skipped to the end to read the comments. The comments confirmed my decision.

Crazy Sex ****

What's not to like. Thanks for the read.

Over the top but still a fun, read

The author is searching for a style. He is capable of capturing some vivid and interesting moments , then never follows up on them , preferring to go into super stud mode. This is disposable, but not bereft of potential.

OK, but not great.....

.....try delving a little more into each character's personality, motivations, thoughts and feelings. You use too many declarative statements and pronouncements.
Try mixing other types of expressions into your storyline.
Try offering internal POV statements from each character in a scene. And you might try reading some or all of your story out loud to see if it sounds real. If not, fix those spots that come off difficult or quirky.
And, as always, polish your work several times before launching it into the world.

The Mona Lisa....

Every guy should be so lucky. For every lucky guy there would be a loser. Oh wait that's how it work already. Good story.