All Comments on 'Do Not Pass Go 07'

I sincerely do not see FTDS going this route even in his worst "nightmare" scene. It was taking forever to get to his end (profoundly hope it isn't truly forever) but this is a disappointing effort.

but this attempt was worthwhile for the huge laugh of "Operation Mom and Dad Back Together" and then seeing one of the story's tags is "science fiction." Now THAT'S funny.

Cog

Hey guys before you all beat the hell out of me I wrote this as fun. I know there is no way in hell that I could ever match Finish but just wanted to have a little fun with the way it was left. I've been a fan of his ever since he started writing so I though I would come up with a fun twist to both finish Jesse's tale and give a fantasy reason why Finish never submitted this final chapter.

He had clearly told us that it was done and then poof.....he disappeared. So here in my universe he didn't disappear ( 6 months ago the same time Jesse was in his mind), he got taken over by the fictional antagonist of his latest story. He couldn't submit the final chapter because she wouldn't let him.

As I said in my opening comments I hope all is well with him and we can soon start to enjoy his unique finishes to stories that need to be finished. If he is well and on hiatus maybe word will get back to him of some wannabe writers attempt to get his attentions so he can....FINISHTHEDAMNSTORY!!!!!!!!!

Yes, for those of us who follow FTDS, I / we are concerned about his disappearance. Hope all is well with him and he didn't follow Castlestone. Hopefully he'll be back unless for some reason the mods banned him as a contributor.

To the story. Groundhog Day? Really? That is hilarious. At least you didn't try to make it a dream. For entertainment value it was a read until the Groundhog Day sequence started. And a man? Let's pile on insult to injury. Hilarious. Thanks for that. Maybe next time proofread one more time. 4 stars for the entertainment. Thanks for posting.

Sorry but no way it ends like this. A man that sacrifices everything for his family has nothing left for himself except survival at the end of the day. It is not a matter of "love". Love is great, it is the best thing in life when it is treated responsibly. When you are loved by another, respect it. It is truly rare in this world. When you take that love, and you use it to tie a person up and abuse them for years, you are a monster. You cannot live with a monster, that will always be in her, that is who and what she is inside. People are born with their personalities and they die with them - unchanged!

And I hope you continue, though in a less fantasy manner. The reconciliation was too easy in this story, and in the FTDS ones we never got to the court date that the story kept referring to.

Keep on, though.

Like @FullCircle56 and many others I'm a fan of FTDS and I'm concerned about what happened to him...I hope to see him here again soon...I also hope he reads all our concerns and return to LW fast...About the story: It was a possible ending...3*

Write your stories about WIMPS! so I can pass. Leave FTDS alone

Another talentless hack who can’t come up with original concepts and characters of his own tries to grab the spotlight for himself ala FTDS - ‘Hey look! I finished this great story!’

It’s like the bad sequel to the film you love getting made - some stories don’t have endings at all, things may stop in the middle, like life. What it spotlights is the author’s lack of imagination or talent (again similar to FTDS) - what never ceases to amaze me is the effort put in to trying to commandeer another person’s working could just as easily be put into creating one’s own but I see the flaw there because to do that requires true creativity.

for your content and effort!!

What unintelligible drivel.do not pass go and do not collect your 200.00 dollars.please do not go to jail it would only give you more time to write.

I'll never understand the adulation for FTDS by his small handful of fans on this site. It doesn't take a lot of talent or imagination to "finish" someone else's story. Anyone with a semblance of command for the language could easily do it. What is really challenging and impressive is when someone creates a story from nothing, complete with fully-formed characters and a rich plot. THAT is difficult to do.

Remember the times when FTDS tried to write his own original stories? Epic flop.

To the author, instead of trying to out-hack a hack and emulate and emulator, try creating an original story of your own. Even in this copy of a copied style, you managed to steal a plot from a classic movie! Is there a single original thought in your head? If so, let's see that next time.

Too much originality and imagination for the readers of LW to appreciate. The standard stories of the cheating whore regretting life will do. Anything outside of that box is drivel.

I liked it. It was VERY original. I think that them getting back together is a bit off base though. There is no way Pete would open himself up to that abuse again. She went way past the point of reconciliation. Using the kids as pawns shows a core selfishness that doesn't turn around because she had a dream. I can see forgiveness; maybe even a friendship of sorts. But he would be an idiot to remarry her.

You say that anyone can do it. Can you? I would love to see some of your work. That way we can see if you know what you are talking about. Of course if you did that then you would have to adopt a name and get put under the same scrutiny that you put other authors under. Can you handle it?

Different,and we'll wfitten,I think FTDS would be proud.Don't let the anon rabble bother you,they hate nice endings and we oujd have preferred the scorched earth tale within a tale.

?????? This one really went off the rails. Next time leave finishing stories to someone who knows how to write. Can't seem to vote, but I want to give it 1 star

First, I too am a huge fan of FTDS. I share his feelings about alot of what I read here. I also hope that whatever is preventing him from posting gets resolved and soon.

That said, I like the approach to bring the story to a conclusion. I don't think that FTDS would take this route, but believe he would defend passionately your right to do it!

Overall I liked it, but then again I am a fan of bad people either getting what they deserve or repenting. I like to see good guys (or gals) who others perceive to be weak due to being selfless be recognized for their strength of goodness.

I liked the idea of the "weak" influencing the "strong" to change. I think the timeline is off. After all they went through, kids would not be trusting and glad to see her that fast. It would takes months/years to build back up trust levels to be that glad to see her.

I approve and am a huge fan of the niche FTDS has created and you are now continuing, in the finishing off of unfinished stories. However, I don't understand why you would write an ending to what FTDS wrote and totally ignore almost every plot element and the entire direction he seemed to be going in! How could what you have done here be considered a tribute in any way, when you pretty much shit all over what FTDS did and was leading up to.

Why not continue from where Lightonthesound story stopped?

you turned the story in a gay ass cuckold story

The Jessie you've created just doesn't ring true to the self-centered, destructive, soulless bitch of fashioned by Lightonthesound or continued by FTDS. The problem is you gave Jessie a soul and a conscience. Jessie was fashioned without a soul and actions only matter as they applied to her. I may not be the writer that you or other two auhors are, but what you have fashioned here is a dream sequence that best plays as a last ditch delusion from Pete's shattered mind. If Jessie remains true to her character, then Peter will have to exert his newly regrown backbone to destroy her by exposing her to the world as a manipulative, narcissistic, cheating bitch who will abuse anyone (including her children) who threatens her world.

This is a wonderful tribute to FTDS. Very well written. 5 stars.

It was like you don't even know the style of stories that FTDS writes.....

If you were trying to finish the FTDS version of this story you failed. You dealt with none of the issues he had in his story and you threw in some nonsense about Groundhog Day. This was just unsatisfactory, start to finish. While I appreciate ANYONE that tries to put endings to the incredible number of unfinished stories out there (Someone could spend their lives finishing JPB stories), this version just didn't work. Try again.

Weird ...

You are definitely no FTDS.

Most of this story read like some far out sci-fi/mental short; not in the tradition of FTDS.

I'm glad that the story is finished. It is not what I would have anticipated but it is better than I would have done.

What utter rubbish! It doesn't even come close to what FTDS had written for his contiuation and to write this 'for him', you're a joke. Did you even read what he'd written? Yes it was a little out there, but this was just stupid!

simply because I like "do it over" stories... this angle could have been developed further, making it into a time-travel or, at least, "mind travel" sort of a story... but I think, for a shortened 2 page, building on two other authors, you've done as well as you could...

Jesse is an egomaniac, truly, and would not change without months or years of psychiatric therapy. And she would submit to that only because she was forced into it, by circumstances beyond her control, like tragedy, or legal problems.

The most likely ending is one of the girls accuses one of Jesse's fuck toys of molesting her. Her siblings corroborate the event, but there is no hard evidence. The newspapers get the story. During the investigation it comes out that Jesse has had several boyfriends in her house, and since they are named by the children, they are named in the newspaper story. The university conducts its own investigation and can find only rumors and hearsay of Jesse philandering with colleagues, and the men having improper contact with female students.

Following the investigation no charges are filed, but Jesse and the men are now under suspicion and close scrutiny. Jesse's sex life hits the toilet since no man who knows her wants to be associated with her, and her previous boy toys want nothing further to do with her. During the child molesting investigation CPS seriously consider placing the children in foster care. Faced with that possibility, Pete's gets off his clueless ass and petitions the court for custody. Jesse fights it, but Pete agrees to relocate back to Virginia and thus gets joint custody, with the kids being with each parent on successive weeks. When the dust settles the kids start living between the two parent's houses. It only takes a few weeks before Jesse sees that not having to worry about the kids actually makes her life less complicated and more fun. She starts by asking Pete to keep the kids more frequently, which in time evolves to Pete keeping the kids permanently with Jesse dropping in to play a Mom scene whenever the mood hits her, which is happening less and less.

Jesse's mother has a stroke, and Jesse places her in a nursing home, and forgets about her. Pete's compassionate (sucker) side compels him to take the kids to visit Jesse's mom, which becomes a weekly event. Sometimes the kids can't make it so Pete visits the old woman by himself, slipping her a flask of gin or vodka on occasion. Over time Pete comes to understand how Jesse's father neglected and cheated on her mother, and dominated Jesse. Jesse's egomania is a reaction to her father's tyranny and Jesse's fucked up determination to be just like her father. When Jesse's mom eventually dies, she has left her estate to her grandchildren, with Pete as trustee. Jesse is left with a $10,000 trust, administered by Pete, that can only be used for Jesse's counseling and mental rehab. Jesse tells Pete to stick the money up his ass.

The story simply fades away as the children grow up, ignoring their mom and living with their father. As the kids move on to higher education, marriages, families, Pete stays in their lives while Jesse moves from man to man, submerged in her profession. Pete also fumbles through several relationships, but all he really cares about is being a father, and then a grandfather. He eventually marries a very conventional average woman who he loves and respects, and they have a very conventional average life, enjoying their shared families, living simply, and happily.

Jesse grows older, bitter, and becomes tired. Her work starts to lag and she is eventually moved to an insignificant management position where she can finish her years to retirement. She hits on all the young men she has contact with, and once in a while gets a mercy fuck. But mostly she declines into a joke as the departmental slut, good for a tired old fuck when you find yourself between girl friends, or so horny even Jesse the mare starts to look good. Eventually Jesse can't even get picked up in a bar, but stays to drink. When she retires there is a short and embarrassing going away cake and punch party, which almost no one attends. Jesse has already sold the house because her children refuse to visit her or allow her access to her grand children. She ends up alone and ignored in her apartment. Pete's wife forces Pete to check in on her once in a while, since the kids refuse to. When her phone goes unanswered for over a week Pete finally asks the apartment manager to check on Jesse, and they find her body. Before taking the pills Jesse has written a rambling incoherent suicide note, blaming Pete for turning the children away from her and ruining their marriage and her life. Jesse leaves her estate and her body to science. The medical school uses her body to test the burn time for a new incinerator they have installed. Her ashes are combined with other medical waste for proper disposal.

You finished the story to damn fast. I didn't read the original.

Like your Jen & Mike story, this was pure crap. I fully agree with other comments that this didn't follow the FTDS continuation. If you're trying to get him to post again by totally fucking up the ending he probably had planned, good luck. Were you doing drugs or drunk when you wrote this?

Anonimous's long story comment was interesting!

Castlestone's story was endeded by Northlander in the Romance hub!

This was a good attempt but any ending without the cunt Jessie suffering in extreme pain just doesn't cut it. No rating.

In terms of FTDS I think that in his last submission, there was so much crap and dissension with the commenters, myself included, that he decided to just abandon Literotica and move on to another site or just stop writing altogether. He didn't want his submissions to turn into a discussion of good and evil (one way to put it), he just wanted to change or finish some of the tales that disturbed him. Hopefully he is still alive and kicking and will return to us. I have my fingers crossed.

....to make this work.

If you're going to write an "Ode to FTDS", you must, at the very least, honor his methods. He tried to keep to the personalities and behaviors of the originals. He maintained their "personas" and attitudes and brought about changes in the offending characters by outside action, rather than Dickensian reflection.

And even at that, you made a bad job of it by not telling a complete story.

This whole thing feels more like a draft in sketch than a literary work.....almost like an outline, fleshed out from the raw to the point that small portions of the story are given substance, but not polished, not whole, not made cohesive and not fitting the stated intent.

Boo to the king of broken hopes.

I've been eagerly awaiting FTDS to FTDS and stepping in to work the author into a sci-fi type ending was a nice twist. A very novel approach to ending the story. My only negative comment would be that the reconciliation happened at warp speed. It took Jessie months to see the light but her husband seemed to ignore all the pain she had caused and turned on a dime. It might have been better to have her work hard at regaining his trust.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your stories.

Hope FTDS is ok and wish him all the best.

I mean no disrespect to your ability as a writer but you should have left this story alone. This is nothing like the stories written by FTDS and tbh you you haven't ended it you've written a page and half of why Jessie would do something completely out of character and then given some half assed ending which doesn't make sense. I was really excited when I saw this story but I'm really wishing I hadn't read it. By all means give it another go but this doesn't fit the others and the ending doesn't seem natural. It's completely forced and feels that this is what you wanted and you refused to allow for another ending.

As others have already stated this was not the path FTDS would have went. Jessie would have been bound gagged and left to her fate, like that scene in silence of the lambs. I would say good try but it was to far off. Hell it was so bad I am thinking of giving it a shot and I don'r write stories. You get half a star for at least picking up the challenge of finishing it. Pete had a woman where did she go? The kids were to smart to end up that way and as far as they were concerned they hated momster. Kudos for trying. Don't piss us off by trying again.............

A life-long "Speculative Fiction" fan, I give this tale five stars for the "what if" combination of the movie Groundhog Day, ( or some elements of Rod Serling's The Twilight Zone 1961 Episode, "Shadow Play"; and similar stories), as well as a bit of "Field of Dreams".

As far as following the milquetoast nature of Peter in the charactization of both SoundontheLight and FinishTheDamnStory, and the same characterization of Jessica by both authors as evil incarnate, this third author gets one star for departing so severely from the first two. In addition, here the children are portrayed not as two dimensional, moderately evil dupes of the mother, by the first author and as very clever "fifth-columnists" by the second author; but here the children are just brief carricatures of Polyanna or the children in "The Parent Trap". So for the total change of the story lines from the first two authors, I give it One Star.

I join with most of the commentators here hoping for good health for FTDS and his speedy return to this site.

For what it's worth, I think Anonymous' 8/2815 comment titled, "I appreciate the effort, but it didn't work. Too much reversal too fast.", would be the finish most in keeping with the set ups of the first two authors.

“If I were a man it would almost be expected of me to have a mistress.” – That’s just bullshit! If Peter was the main bread-winner, and you found out he had a mistress or mistresses, you would divorce him and take him to the cleaners!

It would be pretty rare for FTDS to use this as a reconciliation.

It's reads like more of a finger.

Nothing wrong with it so to speak but it makes him quite the wimp after the years of disrespect she showed him to reconcile would be impossible for a non wimp at that point

What an insult!

but a bit too unfocused to be good.

There just aren't any words!!!!!!!

That alternate finish written in the comments worked very well. This story was interesting too, if for no other reason than not knowing any referenced or plagiarized material let me see it without any applicable bias.

But there was other reason, because I liked it...up until the end, which has me concluding that the intent was to actively mock FTDS...cuckold, as it were...actions that ring ironically true to the character the story is about.

That's about all in worth praising in this quick little failure.

Failed to stay anywhere near the original characters characters, their history of past actions, or their previously stated intentions.

But then you got to expect whack-assed work from a creative sort who is so far-off from social mores that his stories justify and even glorify incest and injurious cuckoldry. Author of this continuation is sort of, "Great fielder but a lightweight hitter", to steal a line from James Webb. Too bad, because he is sound as hell fundamentally.

Not a finish for the story, but I don't think that Jesse can be redeemed.

Interesting take on the story, but FTDS's chapter 7 is the.more realistic.

Like 90% of the unimaginative shit on this LW section. She acts like a whore, emasculates her husband, then a few tears for her "comeuppance" and all is right in the world...

So pathetic.

Great story and great imagination

Great groundhog story. I am please she got her head out of her ass and think about what is best for the kids first

DO NOT complete any more of ftds stories you fubard this one.