You have a good story line and it is not badly written. I agree with anonymous. Telling the story from three points of view is a problem. You want the reader to become part of the story as they read. They want to identify with the main character and feel what it is like to be that person. This becomes impossible if the focus shifts from one character to another and they get lost in the shuffle. For chapter two, decide who your audience is and write for that audience. If the audience is young nubile girls, then tell the story from the daughter's POV. If the audience is 50 year old guys, then make that character your focus. I hope this helps.
English
nice
More please !
three points of view too much
You have a good story line and it is not badly written. I agree with anonymous. Telling the story from three points of view is a problem. You want the reader to become part of the story as they read. They want to identify with the main character and feel what it is like to be that person. This becomes impossible if the focus shifts from one character to another and they get lost in the shuffle. For chapter two, decide who your audience is and write for that audience. If the audience is young nubile girls, then tell the story from the daughter's POV. If the audience is 50 year old guys, then make that character your focus. I hope this helps.
Great story!
Good story! I hope there is more
4
3 points of view works for me.
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