- All
Comments (7) - Add a
Comment
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
| Literotica Toy Store ADULT TOY & DVD STORE FAST & DISCREET |
Literotica XXX Webcams 24/7 LIVE CAMS - FREE PREVIEW W/AUDIO! |
Literotica Adult Movies STREAMING ADULT MOVIES PAY PER MINUTE |
good try
A lot of spelling mistakes but its ok. It would be better to get a editer.
One or 2 typos is excusable... but
your story is basically unreadable - before you post another chapter, GET an EDITOR or at least someone who knows how to read to look it over for you...
You only got 2 stars, because I actually liked the story -
otherwise it would have been ZERO!
Thanks for the feedback
This is only me second posting I was under the assumption that our stories were edited before they were approved. I will try to do better with the errors but thanks for the feedback! :)
Write what you know
Seems strange to say that about erotic fantasy, right? But it will keep the little day-to-day details more realistic. Penn alumni don't refer to the U of Pa as UPenn. (The outside world may; we don't.) So it doesn't add anything to go the story to use an unrealistic reference- whether it's sexual or mundane, it jars the reader and takes them out of the world you are try to draw them into. Good luck!
Wrong Story!!
I just reread my story and I saw that I posted the wrong one. I am in the process of having the edited one uploaded so I hope you guys enjoy that one.
You need an editor badly, this was terrble!
Reading this with the stop and start and confusion of mixed and missing words wasn't worth the trouble. Don't continue with this story until you get the concept of the language and sentence structure correct. Hire and editor.
Plesse, use the comma
This is difficult to read
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to A Debt to be Paid 01 or
More submissions by takemehowuwantme.