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not upto your usual standard
I think you need to reread it and then think about what better you could have done
it feels very rushed
not the thing i expected
Very nice
I disagree with ms many numbers. I like that you have opened a new portion, per se, to add more depth to your. This chapter was all about setting up a sequel to the original part of the story. Join has achieved the level of a full blown powerhouse and now he is prepping to take on one possibly two more world shaking powerhouses. It will be interesting to see what direction you take things from here.
Ironsoldier is correct!!!
Great build up and thank you.
Look forward to chapter 27
Kind regards,
Peter
excellent opener to a new plot line
your writing has taken on a new look, have read the entire series over the last week, was glad to see a new chapter pop up while i was still working on 23! love the way the plot is going looking forward to reading more!
Question
What did he do with the other ring he acquired? Could he not use that on another finger? Wasn't sure if you cleared that up or not. why bother going after the others if he isn't going to use them? Would have liked a little more content in this one but hopefully it will pick up.
I'm not trying to be rude or anything.
I feel that this chapter in the story is kind of lacking definition, explanations and the overall quality of emotion and feelings the other chapters have. The plot was also on the weak side of things. All all the sudden he's obsessed with trying to find the other two rings and their owners. His girlfriend is becoming a mental case because of her nightmares and he doesn't seem to try to push harder to find out what's wrong. Two of his agents are checking out a resort and become lacking in their duties and get turned into two old women. Then he has spies in corporations trying to do things. It just jumps around a lot. So I will give this chapter a three star and that is me being generous.
Well done
A good set up. Nice fundation layed out for another story. Bring it on! I'll read it of a surety.
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