Tristan's Tale Pt. 04

Great job :-)

I want to return... Alot! I would say that is the sign of a GREAT story. Keep up the good work, you have a special gift for writing and hopefully you enjoy the creation process as much as we enjoy reading it.

Absolutely Fantastic

I was enthralled by this portion of the story. I totally devoured it. When I got to the bottom of the last page, I paused, wondering where to click to continue, and then I realized I'd hit the end of it. The swelling disappointment I felt is the best testament to your writing I could give.

Your characters remain the best part of your writing. While they sometimes fall along the lines of tried-and-true tropes, you only use those models as inspiration, developing and pushing them into their own selves quite fluidly. I actually found Derrick to be somewhat weak upon his introduction, but as this segment of the tale progressed, I loved to hate him. He makes for a great introductory villain for Tristan. The scene in which he walks in, one arm around Jade, really struck a chord. I was pissed! That's when you know it's good.

Jade continues to impress me. The one sour note was her personal history before arriving in Caer'Aton. The delivery didn't sit well. I feel like she'd be the type to perhaps say a few things, then reveal greater detail over time, rather than dump it all in at once. It was a small bump in a smooth road.

I loved the Stone Giants. And on that note, your worldbuilding and your magic system is fucking amazing. I love this shit. The training scenes are intense and I was cheering at every step forward Tristan made. The philosophy behind the Art is great, sort of an expanded and upgraded take on "Do, or do not. There is no try." It gives you tons of philosophical material to work with, and the whole basis of what things and people are and how they relate to other things around them is different for every object. That means every step in the Art is a unique challenge! This presents you with a great advantage, because the way you've set up the world forces your writing to always be fresh and interesting.

The massive greatsword Chi was a little cliche, but hey, who doesn't like a massive greatsword? People who hate fun, that's who.

Believe it or not, I think Jet is one of the weaker characters. I think that's because we don't know him well, and his dialogue is very stiff and formal. I really want to like Jet, but he insists on marching around with his nose up, so eventually I just shrug and start to mentally write him off. He becomes scenery, rather than something vivid and alive. However, the fact that he stayed and kept watch over Tristan during his recovery keeps me hooked. Make good use of that potential energy!

On that note, I'm not sure how I feel about Tristan becoming Rinzai's apprentice. I was hoping for him to be taken under Jet's wing as a mechanism to appreciate Jet more as a character. Of course, that's a totally subjective wants/opinions, not a critique. Who knows, his apprenticeship to Rinzai could be the best thing in the story yet!

One thing that I find is somewhat inconsistent is the dialogue. Tristan is very snappy and witty; his mental summaries and back-and-forth with his Chi are very entertaining. But some of the other characters, Emmit, Derrick, and even Jade, can come off stilted. I'd recommend you try reading the dialogue aloud. Dialogue is not real speech, but it's not quite the dramatic and postured flourish of a play, either. It's somewhere in-between, an artistic caricature of everyday conversation. When in doubt, lean toward the side of grounded speech. I think you'll notice what I mean when you get into the editing.

Anyway, your writing is great. You could ignore all my advice and it would still be great. I was glued to my screen from start to finish. If you're trying to push the narrative that extra inch, I think the most room for improvement lies with your dialogue. You definitely have the right sense of it, but you just need to hack it into real language, and more often then not you get it right anyway.

Hope that's helpful!

Simply Anazing

This is far and away the best story I have read in a long time. It reads as a novel rather than a simple story posted on an Internet page.

I can't wait until the next chapter, truly marvelous.

Amazing

I can't believe this story is on here, it's so amazing and brilliant. It's the best story I've on here. Please keep it going!

Ditto - A dagger through the heart

Fully agree with the "A dagger through the heart" post. Really hope that things work out and you are able to continue this story. Have loved every second of it.

Over_red said...

If Over_Red gives you praise, you've earned it. You and he, plus maybe two or three others are the current house rockers. The Mind Control and Sci-Fi sections have some really nice stories being told at the moment!

Amazing. The NTR was a bit long for my tastes but that's more of a personal aversion, I will say that I've read published work that I believe was way worse than this so I'm waiting eagerly for your next update

More Tristan

I 've enjoyed Tristan's Tales. Please continue this series.
Thanks

Incredible story telling

This story is so well crafted, I would be willing to buy a completed novelization of it were one to become available. It has the arc of a timeless story with enough unique characterization and detail to make it fresh and compelling. I can only hope you are continuing to write and develop more chapters

MOAR

MOAR PLZ

Amazing

More please! soon, this is incredible storytelling

So long, so good!

I just can't stop reading!

A must read

Thank you for giving me the pleasure to read this wonderful work of art. I hope that there is more to come as I just could not put this story down until it was done..

don' give it up!!

I understand there are loads and loads of different lines to follow in this story, and it is massive work...but it's brilliant so far... please don't give up on it...

awesome story!

This is definitely one of the best stories I have read so far. Including "published " stories. I hope that you keep adding to it and come to an ending and don't abandon this story! Looking forward to the next installment.

Legendary

Your ability to put a face and feelings into each character has me feeling as if I am there in person, seeing and. feeling it all. I await your next chapter with patience.

Excellent.

Great series. Keep it up!

Stunning characterisations.

Best Stort?

The best story on this site by far - keep the chapters coming

Brilliant

You did an amazing job creating a detailed, nuanced world. Great read. Very much looking forward to your next piece.

Oh my

Amazing. I'm already addicted. Please hurry with chapter 5!

Long

Good but much too time consuming

Please Sir,

Can I have some more?

Seriously though dude

I need some more. Like, right now.

Wow amazing

Great story! Love the detail. I hope there's more on the way!

This

This is why I keep coming back to this site. You, and authors like you. Thank you.

Epic

Fantastic tale.
Could even imagine it commercial published.
So looking forward to the next installment.

this is superb

Loving your work.
This is great .... please continue.
Cliquegge

Amazing, need more

Fantastic read, keep up the good work, can't wait for the next one

gifted

You are a gifted writer. The story is extremely well thought out and so very difficult to put down. Thank you for this gift of a tale! I look forward to further further installments.

This needs to go public

I am throughly enthralled by your story, sir. I will admit I SKIPPED the sex scene to continue the story, going back to it later (maybe). Why here, where few will see it? I would love to see you get more recognition than a site for erotica can give you!

Consider it, and if you do, make sure you tell me (us) where to find it. You have the makings of a great fantasy author, and I should know- I've read the genre for 45 years.

Best of the best

I can only agrre with previous comments. You are extremely gifted and really should think of taking it commercial. I love the fantasy genre and this is really top quality stuff. Keep it up and i am really longing for the next chapter.

Fantastic Story

Absolutely LOVE this story so far. Keeps getting better and better with each part. You truly have an incredible talent for engaging the reader and keeping them invested with the characters and the world that you have created. Keep up the great work, looking forward to Pt. 05.

Ender's Game + Harry Dresden

Forget the sex (well, maybe not completely) this is a totally immersive story with fantastic plot, character development and atmosphere.

If you don't finish this, we will hunt you down and stick you in a dank garret with quill, ink and parchment until you are done. Fair warning.

Thank you !! You made my day when I saw that you were continuing the story. I've loved every chapter so far and can't wait for the next installment.

More coffee!

Give this author more coffee that he/she can work faster on the next chapter. I can't wait for the continuation; this is better fiction than many published fantasy books I've read, and I've read literally tens of thousands of pages.

I found myself unable to put the phone down when I started reading, the story drew me in and wouldn't let go. Excellent work, you are doing a very good joob with this series. My only regret is that I found it when it was still in writing; I would rather have found it in a few years' time to be able to read it in full right away.

the very best

the plot's fantastic..it rather grips your interest till the last page. Though you may say it's the end, still i think i'll wait for another part.

This is superbly amazing!

You sir/ma'am have totally nailed this series! I don't have words to describe how amazing your writing is! Properly thoughtout and narrated, it beat the current spy book I am reading hands down! Complete this story and write a book. I am serious, because what you have here is worth publishing into a series! Though I think you already must already have a manifest of your book ready and this story is probably you testing out your writing or your idea of a plot with readers.

Well done and All the best for your book!
Waiting for the next part anxiously ;) :D

Real job?!?

I hope to god that you actually write and get paid for a living and that this is just a fun escape for you. Take out the hardcore sex elements and this becomes a summer blockbuster.

Amazing skill for a simple lit-erotica site.

Fantastic

I sincerely hope you continue this story. I'll keep checking for a part 5 in the upcoming months, because you took a somewhat simple Literotica category and turned it into an engaging world with a plot that is suprisingly good.

Summer Blockbuster

Agree with the comments below. With some editing (some unnecessary swearing and probably tone down the erotic scenes) for a mass market, this is material to be published. Just give us loyal readers the first shot when you finish/release the final version!

this is as good a read as game of thrones, the world ur creating and the characters are engaging and fun to follow, more please

this is as good a read as game of thrones, the world ur creating and the characters are engaging and fun to follow, more please

I completely fell in love

This is by far one of my favorite books, and not just on this site but in all the books I've read (mind you I've read an abundance from all genres; I'm an English major). The way you flow from sentence to sentence, paragraph to paragraph... it's just so damn good! And the words you use to describe someone or something is perfect and connects very well. And your imagery!!! I can go on forever about how good Tristan's Tale is. I can't wait until Pt. 5, actually I can't wait till this whole story is done so I can read it all. You're an incredible writer and I hope all goes well for you.
Best wishes.

Another Lover

I'm another lover of your tale. You've taken the time to create complex characters facing conflicts and you allow the time in the story for them to resolve them. Like others, I believe this could be successful commercially but I hope that you continue to include the erotic parts while you write it and share it with us and only later remove what must be removed to sell the story. Perhaps not that much would have to be removed as I understand some Romance novels are quite full of erotic content. You undoubtedly know better than me. Thank you for sharing your talents with us.

Seriously Entertaining words

I enjoy action "novels" when reading. A bit of suspense and I won't put it down. This supplies ALL that. Thank you for the effort to make this contribution. I hope that publishers lurk here to help folks like you get published. This work is deserving. Your muse shouldn't be denied. Looking forward to the next installment and thanks, again.

More!!

I've read all 4 installments, i just hope part 5 comes soon, too many authors seem to start writing terrific stories on here only to leave them unfinished. I anxiously await the continuance!

Looking forward to more

Not typically my favorite type of story, but DAMN if this isn't good. I am so looking forward to the rest of it.

NICE STORYZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!👍👍👍👍👍

The best in Literotica so far please don't abandon this
Story like some of the Authors hava done
Anyways all in all the Best so far

GREAT!!!!

This has it all. Love, romance, action, adventure and characters with human strengths and weaknesses in one easy to read story. Can't wait to read more.

Should be published !!

Very few authors have inspired me to read so incessantly as you, worthy successor to Raymond E Feist in my opinion, you weave a very believable story, and I didn`t want it to end. If you are not already a paid author, please can you think about changing career asap.

Well Done

I love the story line and the interplay between the characters. Can't wait for the next installment.