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English
Excellent start
You have a very nice writing style, and I hope that you choose to write more. Not just more of the sex scene, but more about the world and the characters. Was the demon always a demon, or did someone else corrupt him a long time ago? I have no idea, but I'd enjoy learning more.
Thanks!
Thanks for your feedback LunarLilith. Pending more positive feedback I will write more as way of a prequel/sequel, and/or continuation of the world.
please, more
You are good, hope you keep writing, maybe a chapter two
That was quite good
This was exceptionally better then I thought it would be. Your spelling is good, with very few errors and it's a nice little story of someone's corruption and fall to a demon. I liked the worldbuilding and I would like to know what story inspired this. All in all, would read again
Response to Anonymous "That was quite good"`
Hi, sorry you posted Anonymously so I'm not sure what to call you. Maybe Fred. Hi, Fred. Haha
Why exactly did you feel it wouldn't be very good? Was it the title and/or summary?
Thank you for your feedback either way, glad you enjoyed it. I have some ideas swimming around in my head so I'll start writing them down as soon as they settle into a concrete story, haha.
Oh, and for those wishing to know my inspiration:
My inspiration for this story came from "Incubus (Formerly Succubus)," that's the actual title, and I believe if you Google it, it should come right up. Note that there's a paragraph on like page 4 that I drafted almost the entire idea for this story (the part about the "All-Seer" I found incredibly erotic - seeing yourself doing horrible, corrupt, sinful, wicked things and LOVING it more and more).
Take note that the above mentioned story contains an underage seduction (as it's on a different website that doesn't frown on that) in it, which is NOT what I found erotic at all, that sorta makes me sick to be honest, the seduction of the mother is where my inspiration comes from. You've been warned. If mentioning this story or the underage comment violates some TOS I'm not aware of, please delete this comment instead of my entire story, thanks moderators! :)
Great Story
I really like this story.
In particular I liked that the mind-control magic manipulated Helena's sexual desire and ability to orgasm, and controlled her through that rather than the demon having direct control of her movements or thoughts. I find mind-control stories more appealing when the mind-controller only manipulates sexual desire rather than taking full control. Allowing targets/victims to understand what is happening and make decisions, but then watching them inevitably *choose* to submit because of the arousal forced on them is really hot.
Female orgasm denial is also one of my favorite fantasies so this hit all the right buttons for me. Please, please, please write more with the same themes!
Great story
I liked all the cur option a and I think it would be cool if you added some transformation into the mix. Like her sisters get trnsformed into sex demons and get bigger breasts and such. Pregnancy is also a big turn on and it would be cool if she used her magic to impregnate one of her sisters or if the demon bred them. Not all of them, but some of them.
Great story
I just wanted to let you know i really enjoyed your story. Might wanted to put a little more resistance before the final fall but i did like the would before partners at the end.
good work, I hope to see more.
Great work. I enjoyed it quite a bit. I do wish the sex scenes were a touch more in depth but ultimately it was quite good. Love this type of writing. Hope to see more corruption stuff from you in the future.
amazing
good idea pleases extend the story
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