I was a little upset by the "death" (nice writing to elicit that reaction). I'm glad he made it. This has been a very good story. I like stories with a plot other than "I saw her, she saw me, we got it on ".
by
Anonymous08/19/15
"She was remiss to change anything, to remove anything of him that remained ..."
I don't think you meant 'remiss'! Possibly 'Reluctant'??
"However, he has yet to remember what happened to bring him hear, ..." perhaps you meant 'here'??
"Three hours later I was at home, correction we were at home. " - I think that would have been better as "Three hours later I was at home. Correction, We were at home. "
Perhaps you should look for an Editor to help and advise you.
I'm sure there are people who will like this a lot. I'm not one of them. I liked the first three chapters, when it was a sexy story about an older man finding a seemingly impossible love with a beautiful teenager. Then, it went all melodramatic and soap opera-y in the last two chapters. I found them to be a bit too saccharine for my tastes. The story turned trite and predictable, employing a plot line that's been used many times before on TV soaps. Of course, I should have guessed from the title where this was headed from the start.
by
Anonymous08/23/15
dude?
Fuuuuck. Get on with it. It's chugging along like a car with no gas.
Actually, just quit.
by
Anonymous09/01/15
need.................................
We need at least another Ch. or two as it is just right for the pickin and I think most of the readers agree ~~~ we need more from these lovers.!!
i was just all wtf? we go from her blowing him to him being in a coma after a semi smacks into them?why was she not ground meat along with him?who in the fuck survives a head on with a semi?
Seems to me, there's easily a couple more chapters yet to come. re; Redlion, he did jerk the wheel and from his injuries, all on his left side, the impact was to the driver's side, barely avoiding a head-on, which would surely have gotten her, too.
by
Anonymous03/10/16
Good story but ...
your proof reading is absolute shit!!
Even to such things as calling 'panties' 'panities'!
"... as I now slid her panities to ..."!
English
Thank you for the nice ending
Like the recovery
I was a little upset by the "death" (nice writing to elicit that reaction). I'm glad he made it. This has been a very good story. I like stories with a plot other than "I saw her, she saw me, we got it on ".
"She was remiss to change anything, to remove anything of him that remained ..."
I don't think you meant 'remiss'! Possibly 'Reluctant'??
"However, he has yet to remember what happened to bring him hear, ..." perhaps you meant 'here'??
"Three hours later I was at home, correction we were at home. " - I think that would have been better as "Three hours later I was at home. Correction, We were at home. "
Perhaps you should look for an Editor to help and advise you.
Meh
I'm sure there are people who will like this a lot. I'm not one of them. I liked the first three chapters, when it was a sexy story about an older man finding a seemingly impossible love with a beautiful teenager. Then, it went all melodramatic and soap opera-y in the last two chapters. I found them to be a bit too saccharine for my tastes. The story turned trite and predictable, employing a plot line that's been used many times before on TV soaps. Of course, I should have guessed from the title where this was headed from the start.
dude?
Fuuuuck. Get on with it. It's chugging along like a car with no gas.
Actually, just quit.
need.................................
We need at least another Ch. or two as it is just right for the pickin and I think most of the readers agree ~~~ we need more from these lovers.!!
i was just all wtf? we go from her blowing him to him being in a coma after a semi smacks into them?why was she not ground meat along with him?who in the fuck survives a head on with a semi?
A much more satisfactory ending, if it IS over.
Seems to me, there's easily a couple more chapters yet to come. re; Redlion, he did jerk the wheel and from his injuries, all on his left side, the impact was to the driver's side, barely avoiding a head-on, which would surely have gotten her, too.
Good story but ...
your proof reading is absolute shit!!
Even to such things as calling 'panties' 'panities'!
"... as I now slid her panities to ..."!
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