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English
Names
I liked your story. Maybe it could have used a bit more suspense. A bit less use of formal names would read easier, I think. Enjoyed the read though.
THIS STORY FUCKING SUCKS!!!
"Bill Jones met this sexy hot blonde at a Christmas party".. "Bill Jones thought she was the hottest thing he'd ever seen in his life".. "Bill Jones wound up taking her home and fucking her brains out".. "Bill Jones found out that she was a vampire and she bit Bill Jones and sucked Bill Jones blood and killed Bill Jones".. YADDA MOHTER FUCKIN' YADDA, ASSHOLE.. LEARN HOW TO WRITE A DECENT FUCKING STORY!!!!
did i just read a story or get hit by a bus??
Damn, this was fucking terrible..."Bill Jones" like 90 times, and "boobies??" are you fucking kidding me?? did a third grader write this??
Wowwwwww
This sucked ass, man. I mean, there was NO suspense at all, and too many condradictions. "Thin, Shapely legs" The Fuuuuuuuck?
Plus, room 666?? Everyone knows that Christians think 3 sixes is the sign of the devil, you didn't need to make it that obvious.
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