A Hypnotist's Birthday

Yeah right, he didn't fuck her.

Dog's breakfast

You over-complicated the story with too much frantic activity going on. It lost focus and direction. The whole 'couple fucking on her bed and the aftermath' segment just was a distraction. Put it in another story.

What is the motivation? Does he hate Anna? Why embarrass her? Make her a sex toy or do some party tricks with her, but I for one have no patience with this mindless humilliation theme.

You need to have an editor clean up the typos.

Thanks for the tips

Thank you to everyone who has commented here, and yes I know it isn't that good. This is the first thing like this I have ever written and I don't have much experience writing stroies. This was more of a rush job I worte between 1 and 4 in the morning because I couldn't sleep. But after publishing this I suddenly got an urge to write more and to put more effort into my writing. All your comments have really helped and I hope to do better in the future.

Despite the other two rather harsh comments, I enjoyed the story. Not every story needs to be super-moral or justified. With that said, if anything, I wish you'd have taken it further. Make her a sex slave. Corrupt her. Etc.