...can be moving, but good writing can also be disturbing. The best writing can do both. IMHO.
At the very least, your story is disturbing, but in a way that made me think, and made me squirm. And in effect, as much as we would wish to deny it, all mature stories include, at their core, a power struggle and at least a small kernel of non-con/reluctance (I now feel moved to write a blog post on this). Sometimes, rarely, the "abuser of power" is the younger one, by manipulating the older one. Most of the time the person abusing their power, their gravitas, their allure, is the older one - they hold more of the cards. This is the case in this story. Occasionally, perhaps even most often, both situations occur. The exact circumstances of the interactions are only a pretext for us the reader to witness the dance between the two, and I think The Mentor does a great job of showing that dance.
I generally don't care for stories where an older character takes advantage of an emotionally vulnerable, younger one.
We have Don playing on Denver's addiction.
Add to that, the guy was cheating on his wife. So, plenty of things to set off red flags.
However, by the end of the story, I wasn't as disturbed as I thought I'd be.
Instead of being just another lech, Don came across as actually caring about Denver and understanding what she needs, beyond the obvious, in order to grow into a mature, self confident woman. Instead of giving her "tough" love, call it perhaps "fuck" love.
By Don showing an actual concern for Denver's ultimate well-being, the story has a socially redeeming aspect that helps to mitigate the red flags.
The one thing that this story (and many others on Lit and elsewhere) got wrong is the taking of Denver's virginity. Don "plunged his cock into her past the head," then "(h)e went deeper", and "(t)here was resistance". The hymen is at the entrance of the vagina, not somewhere inside. When Don was "into her past the head", he was one cock-head past her hymen already. Denver ceased being a virgin the moment he penetrated her vaginal entrance, not after he goes deeper. It's a commonly held myth, but a myth just the same, with no basis in reality.
While I can't say I "loved" this story, I found it to ultimately be a thought-provoking and satisfying read. It piqued my interest enough, so that I'd be interested in reading more to see how things progress from here with Don and Denver.
legerdemer, this story has been much improved by your thoughtful, careful read. Thank you so much! And such insightful comments.
What is it with erotica that brings out the judgy vibe in readers? It's so crazy because very little of it ever has to do with craft, character work or strong narratives. I just don't get it. Erotica seems like it should be anti-establishment by nature, but instead it seems to be read by conservatives and people so easily offended. Sorry for the little mini rant here, and it doesn't really have to do with any of the comments so far on this story, but I've been noticing it for a long time and tonight I am speaking my mind. It's just strange and I don't get it.
i was agreeing with dark until he decided that cheating while using positions of support for sexual fun is a good thing.each of itself is bad enough but to use both is worse.
Thought's of shadow streets and dark alleyways. Smelly backrooms in bars and a general noir feel carried me through to the end of the story. And through out the entire time i was reading it I kept getting the thought ...
... that it all had something to do with a girl named Marla Singer.
Absolutely loved it Huck, not so much for the content (it was pushing non/con as you observed) as for the style. The harsh reality of life in the gutter and the hope, slim as it is, that there is a way out. And the acceptance that the path you will walk out is no less dirty, than it was when you crawled into that gutter in the first place.
Critique: One, and only one thing, and that's contest theme. With something like this, "summer" can be pulled off with heat. The "Lovin'" is in an odd way is well represented here. As was said it's tough love, but if it's what it will take to get her to straighten her life out ... it works. Maybe a little more focus on the nightly weather would have worked, the humidity or something similar to help carry that "Summer" element across a little stronger.
Enjoyed it. As I said gritty, and the dark side of the street for sure. Nice work.
English
Good writing...
...can be moving, but good writing can also be disturbing. The best writing can do both. IMHO.
At the very least, your story is disturbing, but in a way that made me think, and made me squirm. And in effect, as much as we would wish to deny it, all mature stories include, at their core, a power struggle and at least a small kernel of non-con/reluctance (I now feel moved to write a blog post on this). Sometimes, rarely, the "abuser of power" is the younger one, by manipulating the older one. Most of the time the person abusing their power, their gravitas, their allure, is the older one - they hold more of the cards. This is the case in this story. Occasionally, perhaps even most often, both situations occur. The exact circumstances of the interactions are only a pretext for us the reader to witness the dance between the two, and I think The Mentor does a great job of showing that dance.
Didn't think I'd like it.
I generally don't care for stories where an older character takes advantage of an emotionally vulnerable, younger one.
We have Don playing on Denver's addiction.
Add to that, the guy was cheating on his wife. So, plenty of things to set off red flags.
However, by the end of the story, I wasn't as disturbed as I thought I'd be.
Instead of being just another lech, Don came across as actually caring about Denver and understanding what she needs, beyond the obvious, in order to grow into a mature, self confident woman. Instead of giving her "tough" love, call it perhaps "fuck" love.
By Don showing an actual concern for Denver's ultimate well-being, the story has a socially redeeming aspect that helps to mitigate the red flags.
The one thing that this story (and many others on Lit and elsewhere) got wrong is the taking of Denver's virginity. Don "plunged his cock into her past the head," then "(h)e went deeper", and "(t)here was resistance". The hymen is at the entrance of the vagina, not somewhere inside. When Don was "into her past the head", he was one cock-head past her hymen already. Denver ceased being a virgin the moment he penetrated her vaginal entrance, not after he goes deeper. It's a commonly held myth, but a myth just the same, with no basis in reality.
While I can't say I "loved" this story, I found it to ultimately be a thought-provoking and satisfying read. It piqued my interest enough, so that I'd be interested in reading more to see how things progress from here with Don and Denver.
I'm giving it a solid 4 stars.
thank you!
legerdemer, this story has been much improved by your thoughtful, careful read. Thank you so much! And such insightful comments.
What is it with erotica that brings out the judgy vibe in readers? It's so crazy because very little of it ever has to do with craft, character work or strong narratives. I just don't get it. Erotica seems like it should be anti-establishment by nature, but instead it seems to be read by conservatives and people so easily offended. Sorry for the little mini rant here, and it doesn't really have to do with any of the comments so far on this story, but I've been noticing it for a long time and tonight I am speaking my mind. It's just strange and I don't get it.
Dark_Storm, thanks for sharing your thoughts on the story.
i was agreeing with dark until he decided that cheating while using positions of support for sexual fun is a good thing.each of itself is bad enough but to use both is worse.
Dark, gritty and addictive
Thought's of shadow streets and dark alleyways. Smelly backrooms in bars and a general noir feel carried me through to the end of the story. And through out the entire time i was reading it I kept getting the thought ...
... that it all had something to do with a girl named Marla Singer.
Absolutely loved it Huck, not so much for the content (it was pushing non/con as you observed) as for the style. The harsh reality of life in the gutter and the hope, slim as it is, that there is a way out. And the acceptance that the path you will walk out is no less dirty, than it was when you crawled into that gutter in the first place.
Critique: One, and only one thing, and that's contest theme. With something like this, "summer" can be pulled off with heat. The "Lovin'" is in an odd way is well represented here. As was said it's tough love, but if it's what it will take to get her to straighten her life out ... it works. Maybe a little more focus on the nightly weather would have worked, the humidity or something similar to help carry that "Summer" element across a little stronger.
Enjoyed it. As I said gritty, and the dark side of the street for sure. Nice work.
MST
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