but your command of the English language is too poor for me to have gotten past the first two or three sentences. Get an interpreter/proofreader and resubmit. Even if you used MS Word to produce this, it has an adequate spellchecker/grammar check routine built in. USE IT!
Yea your english is not great but I am not here to grade an english paper, I'm here to get off! Please continue.
by
Anonymous08/30/15
nice story
Nice story. You do not ever have to apologize for you english on here.
There are far too many folks on here who like to openly criticize the writing and English of the writers. I have been writing on this site for years. Sometimes I get 5 stars and sometimes I get bullshit for my efforts. For that reason when I comment I use the anonymous key. I remember years ago when Literotica.com was struggling and all stories were greatly appreciated. There are many writers on here who agree with me. Just write what you know best and enjoy doing it so that we can enjoy your stories too.
This doesn't even deserve to be published it's so short. Barely 1 paragraph, much less a chapter. If it continues like this, don't count on any readers or votes, least of all mine.
by
Anonymous08/30/15
REALLY!
I don't understand, why bother to post anything if your not gonna post it all!!
by
Anonymous08/30/15
"This doesn't even deserve to be published it's so short."
It might not have been so bad if there had been some warning this wasn't a complete story. I can only conclude the "writer" doesn't give a fuck about its own story or its readers.
by
Anonymous08/30/15
Hmmmm.
I tend to agree with the negative comments, I'm afraid.
You need to get yourself a sympathetic editor to correct all those spelling mistakes and annoying grammatical errors.
The fundamental idea of the story is sound and well worth following up. However, this chapter is far too short, your story rushed and the setting far from believable. Your editor will help you, here, too.
by
Anonymous08/31/15
Good try
Because you say this will be continued, you have the chance to develop more of the story, and to fill in details that are missing from the first installment.
Giver Alex some definition -- does he have hair on that chest that Violet is so lovingly stroking? Does she actually touch his cock, feel the pubic hair?
Too short.. in other words, it is so good so far that a LOT MORE needs to be written...
Go slow, type lots of details, lurid descriptions of lust and need are needed, or to be remembered or dragged from your fantasies.. Memories are best...! Jeff
English
Sorry . . .
but your command of the English language is too poor for me to have gotten past the first two or three sentences. Get an interpreter/proofreader and resubmit. Even if you used MS Word to produce this, it has an adequate spellchecker/grammar check routine built in. USE IT!
Continue
Yea your english is not great but I am not here to grade an english paper, I'm here to get off! Please continue.
nice story
Nice story. You do not ever have to apologize for you english on here.
There are far too many folks on here who like to openly criticize the writing and English of the writers. I have been writing on this site for years. Sometimes I get 5 stars and sometimes I get bullshit for my efforts. For that reason when I comment I use the anonymous key. I remember years ago when Literotica.com was struggling and all stories were greatly appreciated. There are many writers on here who agree with me. Just write what you know best and enjoy doing it so that we can enjoy your stories too.
Forget the English
This doesn't even deserve to be published it's so short. Barely 1 paragraph, much less a chapter. If it continues like this, don't count on any readers or votes, least of all mine.
REALLY!
I don't understand, why bother to post anything if your not gonna post it all!!
"This doesn't even deserve to be published it's so short."
It might not have been so bad if there had been some warning this wasn't a complete story. I can only conclude the "writer" doesn't give a fuck about its own story or its readers.
Hmmmm.
I tend to agree with the negative comments, I'm afraid.
You need to get yourself a sympathetic editor to correct all those spelling mistakes and annoying grammatical errors.
The fundamental idea of the story is sound and well worth following up. However, this chapter is far too short, your story rushed and the setting far from believable. Your editor will help you, here, too.
Good try
Because you say this will be continued, you have the chance to develop more of the story, and to fill in details that are missing from the first installment.
Giver Alex some definition -- does he have hair on that chest that Violet is so lovingly stroking? Does she actually touch his cock, feel the pubic hair?
good start
Looking forward to chapter 2
too short for a flash
barely even a prologue.
Another fucking teaser.
Waste of time .
What others have said...
Too short.. in other words, it is so good so far that a LOT MORE needs to be written...
Go slow, type lots of details, lurid descriptions of lust and need are needed, or to be remembered or dragged from your fantasies.. Memories are best...! Jeff
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