All Comments on 'Oh No.'

Keep it coming.

of the beginning of the end of their marriages, and their children's world. Passion, selfishness, desire, ignorance. A few minutes of heaven for two, a lifetime of regret for everyone related. Bitter sweet? Yes, for now. For a long time afterwards, just bitter. It would be interesting to read how their moments of bliss fade into awkward remorse, as their children look upon them with anger and disbelief, that their families were sacrificed for some neuro-muscular contractions. No quantity nor quality of orgasms will outweigh the amount of pain they will inflict on those they will claim, beseech, that they love. At this moment they don't even love the partner who's life they are helping ruin. At this moment they don't even love themselves. They have become two animals, rutting with base fervor, forgetting their humanity, sacrificing their souls to an empty pleasure they won't even remember, while their families will never be able to forget.

Well written. Too bad.

well written story keep them coming

only real question is will her husband get custody of the kids?

One for the ladies.

for effort and content and for making dear annony think it was real!!

First all first time hook ups with all that lead up and riskiness of it all make for a bunch of really hot fuck sessions but that will fade and reality will set in . Betrayal is horrible on so many levels and the arms of hurt it branches out to is far. people are around others all the time that they might be attracted to but when your in a committed marriage you need to not push the chance by heavy flirting or be sneaky because that emotional cheating is the start of the end of a marriage. If you can't commit than stay single or get divorced and act out every time you feel the need with no one left with years of hurt and anger.

I think marriage loses that sense of excitement that was so attractive before the wedding or right after. It becomes a matter of character to remain faithful. So many of these stories are titillating because they are morally wrong: for instance, the whole Incest category. It is the failure of character that is the axis; in BTB stories the betrayal is unrecoverable; in stories such as this, it is simply the excitement of the fall. I sometimes hope the woman will just say, "No, you ask me to be less than I am." I also think that the affair begins not with the sex but with the compromise: agreeing to discuss the "issue," finding privacy. I remember a saying from religion class ca. 1966: avoid the occasions of sin.

How trite. Okay story without enough background information. What about their backgrounds led them to cheat? Are they upset with their spouses? Has one spouse or the other been cheating? Had some arguments lately? Why would she betray her best friend? What about the consequences of their actions? Was this a one time thing? Did she get custody in the divorce? So many unanswered questions. Not good.

Grammar, content, and flow, all well done. Neither you nor I can help it that some don't like the content of your story. While relevant in the larger sense, it's irrelevant in the individual sense.

this can not end well. if we all gave in to our desires and lust, 90 percent of us would be divorced. So sad if you ask me!

.....sadly, it's not my favorite kind of story. I believe your talents applied to other story ideas would render about the same cross section of responses, acknowledging that LW tends to be the harshest environment here. But it seems to me that anything you apply yourself to will be a joy to read.

Thank you.

I know the old adage of entertainment is to always leave your audience wanting more, but to me, this fell short of satisfying because of that. I want to know more about these characters and become more invested in their actions. Instead, we're only given a brief glimpse, and it's not enough.

I'm so tired of all the usual comments whenever a story is posted here that involved extramarital sex. It's as if the majority of readers here practice Sharia law, where any woman who looks at another man beside her husband deserves to be stoned to death. Do these people seriously visit an erotic website to read stories about faithful wives behaving appropriately? What the fuck is wrong with these people?

Three stars from me. Keep writing. You have talent.

@Anon You can read BTB stories here in LW without sharia law.

Once in the life if bastard kid, STDs or accidental cathing from husbands or others are not the affair could stay in cover but repeated affair will go to be uncover with higher and higher likely after longer the time . We got a sex scene and the author refused the future of the cheaters to show.

for your effort and story!! Eat it you dog shit annony!

One of the sexiest short stories I've ever read. Keep them cumming, but pay a little more attention to editing in order to give the trolls less to criticize! Gave you a 5 anyway because the story is extremely sexy.

Sex scene's place is Erotic coupling, Group sex, First time, but the not masturbating readers are curious the future of the wife and the loverboy, kids, husband in 5 years time intervals............What does the author think of them?

I gave you a 5* because it was so erotic, expressive, and you painted the action so we can see it in our minds. Also, you know grammar! So many on here DON'T and don't know the difference between "here" and "hear."

Now, one Anon commenter mentioned about this being in EC and I think this would be correct if this is a stand alone story. But in LW, readers look for the secrecy, the sneaking around, the deception, the conflict, and if caught, the consequences. Not saying this can't go here, because the Site Contents page describes this group as "Married extra-marital fun: swinging, sharing & more. " So keep the above things in mind with further submissions. And you could develop this story further.

but then i seen bonnie taylor opinion and it ruined it for me if that pig who is as smart as a turnip liked it then it must have been a sick story.

The tag implies SHE succombs to him, but the seduction has her leading HIM on (to the house, to the porch, to the crease between her legs. SHE is even the one to insert his dick inside. Even the descriptions of the "flirting" have the reader assuming that HE might have let it go, except SHE was the one who encouraged it on. She (unreliable narrator) tells us she wanted the flirting to end, all but punctuated with a smirk and a wink and a boob flash. Good job, author, descriptivally making her seduction of him akin to a lamb led to slaughter!

This guy was powerless in the clutches of her feminine wiles!

She MADE him come to her, such the power she evoked only with whispers conveyed through illicet taboo phone conversations........

Somebody said correctly: Female centered "dress-ripper" trashy romance novel fodder! It was!

And since we can all tell that clearly that WAS this author's goal.....

Well then, Good Job!

My comment is to say that your descriptive language and strong voice made this "flash story" formatted vignette sinfully delicious reading. However, this scene can ONLY ever stand alone as but the briefest glimpse into these people's lives. Because, YES, YES, YES, all of the other comments are correct as well. These marriages are destined to failure. Only heartache follows the events of this tale. This woman seeming so powerful in THIS moment, is never-the-less perched upon the deadly precipice of doom and despair, angush guilt and torment. And as their families begin the long slow healing process from scars that will never fade...

May be she can look back at this moment, flush with the late summer heat, sticky with wet panties and another man's sperm. She'll know that it wasn't worth it, and she'll wish to all hell that it had never happened......

But MAYBE, just MAYBE she remember just how easy it was to delude herself into thinking that for this same brief moment....THIS ONE PAGE FLASG STORY MOMENT- she had the power to make this man risk it all, as she herself was only too willing to do as well.

And THEN may be, just may be...she will have learned something:

"Don't start the devil's work, if you you don't have the guts to finish it with less than you had before, and with a broken soul for a reward........."

BTW, I am no preacher. I don't go to church. I REALLY LIKE PORN. And I really don't think this story reflects the author's own real life. But my comments ARE the thoughts I had upon finishing your story, as well as reading OTHER comments before making my own.

Scoring purely on writing talent....4 stars. Thanks for your efforts!

-just another daily reading LW category anon

I didn't like it...why? Because this story is about to cheaters, that as any cheater are selfish, they only think in themselves, in their pleasure, forgeting the spouses, the children and the consequences...For them to cheat any reason, is valid, even the poor ones...No need to know the consequences: two divorces...1*

I really liked it. 5*

Don't usually like stories that are a basic scene of two people having sex, but this one was hot. Nice build up. Most authors make the sex pornographic, but this one was erotic.

Gave you a five.

I thought it was a well-crafted little story, well-written. (Only one spelling mistake that I detected, not bad !)

Abitclose, I assume that you will have been somewhat taken aback by the critical responses. Your first story was in First Time and did not receive such criticism.

I was surprised by the responses when I submitted my first story, but I have now realised that there is something other than the quality of the writing being critiqued by readers of Loving Wives stories. Many readers apparently see the opportunity to display their disgust at any wife who wanders from the path of true fidelity as a form of therapy. They render the scoring system meaningless.

impo_61's comment illustrates it well. He didn't like it and scored it 1*. He knew "I didn't like it...why?" before he started reading it, because your description had told him that the first person character was involved with her best friend's husband.

He then goes on to denigrate "cheaters". Logic would suggest that any man who hates the idea of a wife "cheating" would avoid reading stories which are clearly labelled to show that a wife is about to engage in extra-marital activity.

But logic doesn't apply here.

L

@Luedon According survays the 93% of people said the faithfulness is important in the pair connection! 7% said others.............The BTB and reconcilation stories are written for the 93%..........other stories are for 7%.

This is not a beginning creative writing class.

You can learn a great deal from reader reaction (both good and bad) to the events and character of characters. And if you only want happy positive comments how will you grow as a writer?

For me the true test of a story is how the reader responds to the characters and their situation. If there is a lot of emotion in the responses (including some of the ad hominem) you can bet that your writing at least touched readers and that there was a willing suspension of disbelief. Empathy is a powerful indicator of the success or failure of a story.

In the case of this story I am ambivalent so I didn't vote and really can't comment.

Sorry anonymous, but I don't see what those statistics have to do with my comment about quality of a story's writing vs the theme of that story and the reasons why people read stories that they claim to not like.

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And palewriter, I have already accepted that the stories I wrote provided a service for those who wished to express their disdain in their comments. I do appreciate your decision to not vote on a story. I see that as a self-aware decision rather than the faux rage so many of the one-star voters express. You have separated the comment reaction from the scoring reaction.

I suspect that those who are 'outraged' by the theme of a story are more likely to express that outrage where a story is well-crafted than they are to one that is poorly written and less believable. The less aware are not able to recognise that a story about a situation they don't like can still be a good story.

L

p.s. I scored this story four stars.

A friend does not do that kind of things, period. Nowadays we have a tendency to call friends everything from class mates to co workers to neighbors; a true friend will not do his friend wife, at least not just for fun.

Overall the writing was good, 4 stars.

I have denigrated these two "cheaters", because they had cheated without showing any drop of remorse...They had prepared the path of cheating for a long time, and finally when they cheated they didn't have any thoughts to their families...only to their desires...like: "Fuck everyone else (spouses, children, friends)...just the two of us count"!!! If you think they are honorable people, will they confess their cheating to their spouses? Will this be a one time event? I don't think so...I think every person can sin or make a mistake, but for that to be forgiven they have to be really sorry about what they did and about the pain they have inflicted to the people they said they loved...And this wasn't the case!!! And when I read this story I didn't know the ending or the characters in it...Only in the end I found out that they were no character persons...

Now what about the rest of the story, please?

Half assed, half finished fuck tale. I can't even call it a story.

10 minutes out of your life wasted writing this and 2 minutes from mine. *

thrown into this category. Of course, the unwashed think it's erotic.

I get that people don't like cheating stories. I can understand that. What I don't understand is how people confuse the likability of the characters to reflect good writing. Word choice, sentence structure, colorful descriptions of events, realistic dialogue, all of that gets dismissed and thrown in the toilet because the people in the story cheated and didn't get caught.

Furthermore, the author is judged, as well as the people who liked the story. One commenter said, "Only the unwashed would find this erotic." Really? You know that for sure? I found it erotic, and I am by no means "unwashed".

What would you say if someone said, "Only limp dicked idiots who couldn't keep their wives in check would like BTB stories"? You see that spark of anger that rose in your throat when you read that? The reason why you got angry is because that statement was an unfair characterization. Yet cuckold enthusiasts get that every time they log in.

That is why I say that we should leave cuckolding stories to those who can enjoy it. I say that because they can judge it fairly. They know a good cuckolding story from a bad one. Everyone else is simply going to judge it from their own morals and dismiss the writing ability completely.

Think about how objective you would be judging a fashion show (talking to the guys here). Do you know what is in season? Do you understand pattern matching or clashing colors? Neither do I. That is why I wouldn't be a good judge. I wouldn't know good fashion from bad fashion. I think it's all stupid. To me, any blouse that shows cleavage is a good one.

This is what you guys are like judging cuckold and cheating stories.

If you are going to read a cuckold story, at least try to be objective and non judgmental. We get it! You are appalled by cheaters. But not everyone is.

Bull Shit Crap.

Well written, Abitclose. You did a good job. Ignore the morality police. I have a question for all the morality police. If you are so high and mighty morally, why the heck are you even on this site? What do you expect to find on a site named "Literotica"? Don't come here looking for a bedtime story for your kids.

While I thought the story was well written, it lacked any background what so ever. I read in the first paragraph that she had children but beyond that, nothing! Is she married? Divorced? Single with kids? The story so narrowly focused on her and her lover. It made it hard to like her or hate her either one because you have no information about her. It was well written but seems more like a small excerpt of a longer story....

I accept that you didn't like the "cheater" characters in the story. I also accept that you have every right to comment about those characters and their behaviour.

But the fact that you don't like "cheaters" is also a good reason to avoid voting (as palewriter did). I don't see it as a good reason to give the story a score of one star.

As I said before, an excellent well-crafted story can be about unsavoury situations and despicable characters. If there were no flawed characters around, Shakespeare would have written no dramas.

L

The story isn't finished one doesn't stop mid way thru the sex scene. I would have rated much higher than 2stars if the story had much more than a beginning. Finish the sex scene entirely and write more about them seeing each other all in the same chapter. I really hate those who write one page and say come back for more, it is the kind of tease a person does not want to be. Ignore the idiots that scream cheaters it is just a story. Many folks like sharing partners, although it appears your characters do not. On the plus side the writing itself is good, well written and grammar is good. There is potential if you heed this advice. Sign me one who reads a lot for decades.

I agree with your comment about the rating, however some readers rate the writing (some even acuse the writers they don't know what writing is), others rate the story, others the characters, and others rate only to piss off other readers they know or hate. But I think that not rating when we don't like the story, is what a writer doesn't want...I even remeber a writer that his/her only request is that readers vote (low or high) his/her stories. I usually rate low or high and give my reasons for it...For instance: reading my comments, people can think I love BTB stories...Many BTB stories I don't agree with them, because I can see the cheater made one mistake and and are truly sorry and deserves another chance. I know that we can't be all Capote or Hemingway, so i don't look much to the writing, and focus more in the plot and characters. And as you know I never comment about the author...only the story and characters...The reason why I read "cheating stories" is to see how each writer develops the theme and the characters...Thanks for your attention...

Nice focus on a woman, near madness after a summer with children, restoring her sanity with a tolerant friend. Tis the season!

I love the start to your story, keep going. You're making this girl horny and it's hard to concentrate on my work. xoxoxox Annette

@ Anon The wife sharing is the habit of a very few husbands........

I loved it.

Overall a good story... needs a touch of incest here and there to spice up the slower paragraphs.

I do not condone adultery or cheating (the basic term) there is no wife or spouse swapping here, both are doing this in secret because of what is at stake. Now I do question the title "oh-no?" Interesting, perhaps a second chapter would read, OH SHIT! Why? perhaps the husband, forgetting something for the office, returns unexpected and from a window witnesses the destruction of his marriage. Perhaps, this woman that is so disrespectful of her husband, does not honor her vows, perhaps the children are not even hers, perhaps they are the husbands rightful children from a previous marriage. Perhaps this woman wanting children so bad, that the desire to explore and take this now affair into the sexual level in hopes of getting pregnant. Perhaps this woman is hoping Chris will simply abandone his marriage once she is pregnant. They deserve each other, in fact I will go out on a limb, both are getting dressed, almost finishes, hears the key and door open, she sits and acts as nothing has happened only casual talk amongst friends, Chris sits down quickly and attempts the same. however the husband is not amused and walks over and destroys the large main wall center piece full picture of their wedding, shocking her, he then takes the large wooden cased photo album and tosses it into the fire place and ignites the gas burners setting the album ablaze. In her screams, he tells Chris he has 30 seconds to get out, and wait for her and take her with him or his wife, worth a fortune, gets the video play back he just recorded. The husband continues," I bet both your wife and father in law would be pleased, in fact those exotic and expensive toys would disappear so would your extravagant life style." The husband sensing complete control, tells both, first, she is out of here in an hour or faster, the children will never see her again, and any attempts will end harshly. He further adds, since she is not their biological mother, theirs died.. she will not be missed, he will see to that. He ends, by taking her wedding rings and crushing them into a plastic baggie as a reminder. 10 minutes later she leaves with a few bags and not before the husband tells her the rest will be on the side walk by end of the day.

The overall plot was rather lame and thin. We were moved from scene to scene without any sort of direction, just jump here and jump there. Background details were revealed sporadically along the way and the story culminates and ends with their cheating.

This is only a 1 star for me. Keep trying.

I didn't know how decent erotica was allowed in this section.

In here, all sex must have no analog reports from the digital sensors, inability to integrate multiple sensory types, have no anticipation, little show of desire (and if present, must be obscene), rushed to be over with, overly detail the wrong part of sensual, let nothing be inferred, and cock or pussy must be mentioned every other sentence to confirm that a sex scene is taking place.

It started good, with the scent, then the velvety feel from the short parts of many haircuts, etc. I know this took place in the summer, but I was trolling for more along the lines of something around 1500C.

What kind of whore does this to her friend, and to her husband?

Where both of them are burned to a blackened crisp.

I would have to say this man was NOT her husband’s best friend. No honorable man would do this to his best friend.

Nice beginning, NOW FINISH IT