All Comments on 'Season of the Wolf Pt. 01'

by msnomer68

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  • 15 Comments
BigDog167BigDog167over 8 years ago
Way to wordy.

Sorry but you could have said everything in half the words and had a better story. By the time I got to page 4 I was getting bored and it seemed you were writing just to see yourself ramble on. I read almost every non-human story on lit except the stroke stories and while many writers short change the readers with to few details, you went way to far in the other direction. We really do not need that many paragraphs wondering what color his eyes are.

Cut out some of the fluff and tighten it up some and you will have a better story.

FloribundaFloribundaover 8 years ago
To the previous commenter, I disagree!

although I do have to confess I'm only on page 3 ha ha!! I am loving this so far, and think your writing is beautiful.

I'm not sure when I'll get to the end of 21 pages (certainly not tonight!), so just wanted to send a comment now about how much I'm enjoying it so far... I'll recap later!

ps unless you edit later - 21 pages is very long for pt 1!. .

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago

Good twisty plot but in need of dialogue !

SussiesLaineySussiesLaineyover 8 years ago
Loved it!!!

I really enjoyed this story, please carry it on. I agree with one of the other comments about it needing some dialogue though.

ariesgirlariesgirlover 8 years ago

Good plot but I had to skip a whole bunch. Quite a bit was repetitive.

I hope Grace finds her answers. Until she does I think she will forever be undecided as to where her life should go.

bearsladybearsladyover 8 years ago

I am a huge fan of your writing. Your other series? A wonderful read. This is the complete opposite of that story. This one is much more thought driven and, so far, not as violent and full of action. You've created three wonderful characters with a solid plot. I'm really looking forward to more of the story.

As to the other comments? I was hooked by the second page. Since this is more thought driven, it did take me a bit to get used to the process. We, humans, tend to obsess and repeat our thoughts when we are trying to work through something. The characters doing so simply adds reality to the story. It can make for slower reading, so I can understand the comments about it. I'm willing to put up with it so I can enjoy the story.

AnonymousAnonymousover 8 years ago
Magnificent

Wonderful world and characters. Your story took me three days to read but was well worth it. so glad i can use my phone toread these stories.

hmphillhmphillover 8 years ago
absolutly wonderful

This is an amazing story, I loved the characters, the plot, everything. I can't wait to read more. You are truly a gifted author.

MojomaggieMojomaggieover 8 years ago
Good Plot and Characters, but repetitive

Enjoyed the plot, found the major characters interesting and well-rounded, but the flow of the story was hampered by repetition. Had the characters ruminated less in their thoughts, rephrasing the same things over and over, the story would have been a good deal shorter and much tighter, with no loss of the important elements that made it attractive in the first place. And I think Auto-correct may have done you a major disservice on page 10, "His kiss is gentler now, easing the both of us back from the edge of the prepuce." as I am absolutely convinced the word you wanted was "precipice", not "prepuce". ; ) Hope you continue the story!

teedeedubteedeedubover 8 years ago
Good start

I like it. Agree with the repetition comments, but great story anyway. When do we get Chapter 2?

cantfightfatecantfightfateover 8 years ago
Good story!

I agree with the others that the narrative was often repetitive and that it could be pared back and still have the same impact. We didn't need to read Han's tortured thoughts on how much to tell Grace five times. Once was plenty. And we didn't need to read about the pain of the shift in so much detail from Han and Grace and Coyote. We kept hearing about Grace being strong and a predator but she just acts like a scared little girl.

Regardless, I'm interested in reading the next section, hopefully watching Coyote get his ass kicked for using people like chess pieces, and seeing Han and Grace reunited.

Thanks for writing.

AnonymousAnonymousabout 8 years ago
LOL!!! I am just on Page 3 Chptr 6

The author hasn't done much cross country driving that is for sure. Or else her old beater has asperations of Indy 500 championships. Pit stops for gas, bathroom breaks and coffee fillups every 200 miles???? She leaves LA after daylight and makes it all the way to St. Louis around midnight???? She would have to be driving 200 mph to accomplish that feat.

Msnomer68 is an excellent fantasy writer. I loved reading the Dawn series. I know I will enjoy reading Season of the Wolf as well. But I do find her trip across the country to be quite funny.

I have driven from Santa Clara County, CA to Sedgwick County, KS (1650 miles) and back, from Coffee County, AL to Sedgwick County, KS (1170 miles) and back, and from Cumberland County, NC to Sedgwick County, KS and back over a period of 12 years. For the routes with the milage shown I drove an 1982 Datsun 200SX which gave me a useful range of 450 miles between fillups. I usually started looking for a stop at 400 miles each tank. I would only stop for a bathroom break and food when I filled the tank. It would take me 19 hours of non-stop driving to make the 1650 mile run from California to Kansas for an avearge speed of about 85 mph including the time spent fueling and drive thru eating. The book says it would take 23 hours to make the trip at 65mph and 70mph with rest stops every 200 miles or so. I shaved 4 hours off that total by only making half the stops.

I even did the California to Alabama trip once... in just over 40 hours. I did have to get a hotel East of Dallas for about 6 hours though. No amount of coffee was keeping me awake. Most trips were done under the old stupid national 55mph speed limit. I was in my late teens to late 20s for most of the trips.

My California to Alabama trip is just about the same distance as msnomer's LA to Indiana trip for her character Grace/Winona.

Moral for future writing... the more stops you make driving, the slower your average speed, and the longer it will take.

And 30 years later... I cannot believe I was so stupid back then.

Back to the story now

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 8 years ago
Repetetive

I really tried to stick it out but with every repetition my interest died a little more and I started skipping pages. If I really wanted the truth I'd put my big girl panties on and deal with it, not go digging in graves then toss my toys out the playpen like a child. Seriously! How many personalities does she have in one chapter? I'd say some pills and her in a padded room would also make up for the lack of dialogue

LadyPartsLadyPartsalmost 8 years ago
Breath taking!

I just found this and have spent the last two days completely immersed in the world you've created. You've weaved together this story in such a gripping way that even when I wasn't reading it I was thinking about what had already taken place and wondering and predicting what the next page held. Absolutely brilliant the way you've revealed these tortured souls.

AnonymousAnonymousalmost 4 years ago
?

How in the heck can anyone write a 21 page probably 60,000 plus word story with no dialog?

I appreciate the time you put into this story, but I just don’t get it without some dialog.

Thanks for your effort

KS

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