All Comments on 'Backwater Blues'

Difficult to believe that our hero has been dating Susie for years and serious for the last few months and didn't know what her day job was.

Feels like there are huge chunks of story missing, particularly when all of a sudden it goes from song rehearsals to the conversation with Rhonda. Hopefully you correct this and post the full story. If this is the full story, then I suggest you get an editor.

I agree with Anonymous and I can say where the biggest chunk is missing.

{The air somewhat cleared and we started to sound better. George stuck his head out of his office. "That sounds great. I was beginning to worry there for a while, if I could have thought of another band to take your place you would have been shown the door." I always knew George was a caring soul, and looked after his friends.

"But why?" I asked Rhonda. "If you wanted to get to me, why kill Tania, and why frame Susie for it?"}

Something pretty important happened between when George poked out his head and when our hero asks Rhonda why. I rather doubt that this came about through casual conversation my old son.

Alberta Al's point is also valid. You spent most of the story telling and showing us how clever our boy is and then at the end you leave us wondering if he puts his y-fronts on backwards.

I was a little put off with the rather callous way Trina was done in and denigrated. Also early on you tell us she has a pimp who isn't questioned and suddenly no longer exists as does the ailing Mum who depends on the meds Trina is hooking for.

I'd check to see which version of the story got submitted my friend.

Enjoy your stories, but as others have pointed out, there are several leaps of logic in this one. The transition from conversation with George and the fact that he had not a clue about Susie's real life. Can you blame it on the site admin?

Good story with some brilliant scenes. As others have said, it's disjointed in its presentation (needs better transitions) and has at least one scene missing.

Didn't rate this yet. Needs to be finished. If you complete it I think it'll be a 5. Not sure till it is done. Right now it is a 1. Too much missing.

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but not your best. Did you loose concentration? i.e. Tania on page 1 became Tanya on page 4.

This one was a mess as well. Both literary and literally.

Usually, if a story has a good plot, solid character development, and a believable ending, I can forgive most every other mistake. This has none of that and too many other mistakes to count.