...but your writing style is extremely annoying. Two stars.
by
Anonymous09/05/15
Au contraire!
Unlike the first comment, I enjoyed your writing style very much. But more importantly, I loved the story and the way you told it. It's refreshing to read something different, without all the "bells and whistles" others employ.
Lovely story, evocative, detailed, alluring. So simple, so complex, organic chemistry, lecherous professor of religion, organs made for each other. University life from long ago - well done.
I think that the writing style was interesting and it worked. (It wouldn't work if I wrote "...the writing style was interesting and it works." See?)
Time shifts in tense seem to drift away. Things happen from her perspective (now) into narrative from a more global view of the action (then). And it turns on a dime. Nice.
I would like to see how this character develops, too. I got involved. Keep going!
by
Anonymous09/05/15
MARVELOUS PIECE OF ADULT FICTION
I enjoy personal recognition of work I do and your story warrants comment. The title may not draw readership, but those who take the time to check will enjoy reading every word as it flows from the screen.
The use of the "historical present" wasn't seamless, but it wasn't jarring. At times the story was too clinical to be hot, but it was very believable and enjoyable. I, too, hope you are lucky enough to be the autobiographical inspiration for this great story.
I'm a straight man who has always wanted to have a 3-way, but it has never happened. My wife is bi, but she has been monogamous with me these 25 years and has never wanted us to find a 3 woman for an adventure--whether unsure I'd be able to go back to her alone or not trusting herself or some other reason, I don't know. But it makes me very drawn to stories about 3 ways.
Our younger daughter is also bi which lends credence to the genetic inheritance explanation for sexual orientation.
English
Sorry...
...but your writing style is extremely annoying. Two stars.
Au contraire!
Unlike the first comment, I enjoyed your writing style very much. But more importantly, I loved the story and the way you told it. It's refreshing to read something different, without all the "bells and whistles" others employ.
Realistic
Your story is both realistic and hot. A five.
Thanks
If it is biographical - or if it isn't - it is wonderfully realistic - so much better than fantasy. I hope you will tell your whole story.
Sweet
Lovely story, evocative, detailed, alluring. So simple, so complex, organic chemistry, lecherous professor of religion, organs made for each other. University life from long ago - well done.
Story telling at its best
Biographical? I certainly hope so for your sake.
Every sentence and paragraph shouted reality, as if it happened just as you've written it.
Unique.
I think that the writing style was interesting and it worked. (It wouldn't work if I wrote "...the writing style was interesting and it works." See?)
Time shifts in tense seem to drift away. Things happen from her perspective (now) into narrative from a more global view of the action (then). And it turns on a dime. Nice.
I would like to see how this character develops, too. I got involved. Keep going!
MARVELOUS PIECE OF ADULT FICTION
I enjoy personal recognition of work I do and your story warrants comment. The title may not draw readership, but those who take the time to check will enjoy reading every word as it flows from the screen.
Looking forward to additional chapters.
I want to suggest an editor
Too many word choice and errors I could not finish the first page. 2 stars
I really liked it.
The use of the "historical present" wasn't seamless, but it wasn't jarring. At times the story was too clinical to be hot, but it was very believable and enjoyable. I, too, hope you are lucky enough to be the autobiographical inspiration for this great story.
I'm a straight man who has always wanted to have a 3-way, but it has never happened. My wife is bi, but she has been monogamous with me these 25 years and has never wanted us to find a 3 woman for an adventure--whether unsure I'd be able to go back to her alone or not trusting herself or some other reason, I don't know. But it makes me very drawn to stories about 3 ways.
Our younger daughter is also bi which lends credence to the genetic inheritance explanation for sexual orientation.
Thanks for sharing this with us.
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