You kept your promise of delivering the goods, the only think I beg of you is not to make the tearjerker in Ch. 5 too bad. This is all going along too nicely to dramatically screw it up there. Poor Jessica being put against the wall by her mother is hard enough for her :)
by
Anonymous09/06/15
outstanding performance
Other then a bit short keep it. I can't wait for the next chapters. I'm glad to parents that aren't completely blind to their kids. Please hurry lol
Now that the cat is nearly out of the bag, it's almost a given that there will be pain with the truth. To force them apart would likely destroy them and any chance of their academic successes. I don't see Anne doing that and doubt Jim would. But we
Readers/fans never know until it's published.
by
Anonymous09/07/15
Five stars
I've read all three chapters today and really enjoyed it more than I thought I hope ch5 isn't too bad we all love happy endings
by
Anonymous09/07/15
Good story so far
its been good so far but I have a feeling this won't be a story with a happy ending if chapter 5 is going to be a tear jerker. Which to be I honest I really hate stories like that
The story is good and the writing style is getting better.
I like the story but, particularly in the first two chapters, the writing style was a bit staccato as if you were in a rush to impart as many facts as possible without unnecessary detail in the shortest time possible.
Chapter 3 was a noticeably better and flowed much better.
You have a great story idea and good characters. Try to relax and not rush the telling so that the writing flows better. This will turn a good story into a better one.
I still gave you 4* for this chapter.
by
Anonymous09/07/15
Great story
You have made a great story even better -- if that's possible! Jake and Jessica are deeper in love than they were before. Please give a description of the loving men in this story: I'm sure Jim has some chest hair,. and a big cock, and Anne must love to admire her husband's great body! I know Jessica is impressed with Jake's body. Jake's old enough for some chest hair that he sister can admire and stroke. They are mature for their age!
by
Anonymous09/07/15
AWWWW WWAAAh
Where's the rest of a great story that is well written
Thank you
This is a great story so far and I hope they get their happy ending. Jake and Jessica together that is. I hope Jake doesn't end up with Amy. I know that people will be upset and a little hurt when they find out but that's no reason for them to have to give each other up.
English
Superb in every way
You kept your promise of delivering the goods, the only think I beg of you is not to make the tearjerker in Ch. 5 too bad. This is all going along too nicely to dramatically screw it up there. Poor Jessica being put against the wall by her mother is hard enough for her :)
outstanding performance
Other then a bit short keep it. I can't wait for the next chapters. I'm glad to parents that aren't completely blind to their kids. Please hurry lol
Great story, so far.
Now that the cat is nearly out of the bag, it's almost a given that there will be pain with the truth. To force them apart would likely destroy them and any chance of their academic successes. I don't see Anne doing that and doubt Jim would. But we
Readers/fans never know until it's published.
Five stars
I've read all three chapters today and really enjoyed it more than I thought I hope ch5 isn't too bad we all love happy endings
Good story so far
its been good so far but I have a feeling this won't be a story with a happy ending if chapter 5 is going to be a tear jerker. Which to be I honest I really hate stories like that
Chapter not the ending ladies..
Who said Chapter 5 was the end....... Certainly wasn't the writer! :/
The story is good and the writing style is getting better.
I like the story but, particularly in the first two chapters, the writing style was a bit staccato as if you were in a rush to impart as many facts as possible without unnecessary detail in the shortest time possible.
Chapter 3 was a noticeably better and flowed much better.
You have a great story idea and good characters. Try to relax and not rush the telling so that the writing flows better. This will turn a good story into a better one.
I still gave you 4* for this chapter.
Great story
You have made a great story even better -- if that's possible! Jake and Jessica are deeper in love than they were before. Please give a description of the loving men in this story: I'm sure Jim has some chest hair,. and a big cock, and Anne must love to admire her husband's great body! I know Jessica is impressed with Jake's body. Jake's old enough for some chest hair that he sister can admire and stroke. They are mature for their age!
AWWWW WWAAAh
Where's the rest of a great story that is well written
Thank you
Awesome
This is a great story so far and I hope they get their happy ending. Jake and Jessica together that is. I hope Jake doesn't end up with Amy. I know that people will be upset and a little hurt when they find out but that's no reason for them to have to give each other up.
hoping for tomorrow
i hope that chapter 4 will be released tomorrow
Dialog
Getting better, but dialog is still rough.
"...done this." Anne stated.
"...ago." Said Jim.
should be comma separated.
"...done this," Anne stated.
"...ago," said Jim.
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