Party to Change

Tedious

Oh, and stupid.

Note: If you are unwilling to write a credible story, don't waste your time writing. It will look out of place and foolish...

A bridge Too Far

Sorry, you started out good but then the story just got too implausible.

Drivel

From a fag writer.put it in the right category

read it all the way

though and i must say i wasted my time pure garbage.

I don't get it

I read the story, and I don't get the underlying motivation, the motor which drives the plot. I don't understand the universe in which this story takes place.

Perhaps if someone is familiar with this universe, they'd 'get it'. So, for me, something is missing from the story.

What have we got? We have a universe that is inhabited by two sorts of beings: vultures and their prey. The prey - such as Marcie - are odd creatures. On the one hand they seem self-determining. And yet the fact that they are prey means they are passive beings, conscious but unable to control their actions. The whole concept of someone such as Jeff needing to cover for her and anyone else is inexplicable to me. Possibly as strangers in an anonymous club, one might be worried about having drinks spiked. But in a gathering of professionals?

Equally bizarre is Electra's detailed account of move-by-move, almost minute-by-minute account of what vulture Peter will do to Marcia. IF Electra can see it, why not Marcia? Why should be a victim to anything at all? This universe is all too calculated, people aware but out of control.

The final touch is Jeff's overly rational handling of an already over-calculated situation. There's no more plot, no dramatic movement in the story. All we have is Jeff giving his long speech, telling everyone what to do (details later!). It's all too well thought out. What does this say about him and his approach to life in this universe he experiences?

This universe feels dead emotionally, full of non-entities.

The story is written well enough that I can understand what is happening. What I don't understand is the why, the motives (if any) of the people involved. Impersonal robots; this could be science fiction.

No Background

The story had great potential but was missing the right ingredients. Why did Jeff apparently go from sub to master, and why didn't he continue in that vein right to the end. He went back to 'everyone is equal now'! The story just doesn't make sense.

Huh?

.

Foolish

Read it all because i did not want to look "foolish." It is absurd, uninteresting, unrealistic... wait i am looking for a word here... ah yes, Foolish.

Next time

Next time I see a note by an author to read the whole story before commenting, I will skip the story. It will likely be as boring and pointless as this one.

Typical garbage

thrown into LW these days. What else is new? At least today there are a few decent reads in this category. About time. 1*

nobody

Has nobody that left a comment ever heard of a plot twist? Even as the siblings thought they were playing jeff and Marcie, Jeff was always the one in control, playing their game until he was ready to move. A well thought out twist.

Puzzling

You write well but your real people don't act like this. They have feelings and emotions. Strong ones. These characters are robotic.

Apologies

Sorry. Delete the "your".

BULLSHIT Garbage

I guess this is the only way that this author can get people to read this garbage, by asking them to read the whole story. Waist of time reading shitty stories like this one.

# 1

Fetish shit

This sounds like a . . .

. . . Good Old Boy Texas down home story. I love it! Watch out for those analytical cowboy types, they will eventually get to the bottom of the most complicated pile of horse stuff. Seriously, this is a well told story.

I am sure a lot of folks will get turned off by the level of detailed description of the party and folks attending. Others will be turned off by the incest elements which they will see as a bit unnatural. Still more, the majority, like to rail against anything other than screw only your wife on Saturday night in your own bed. In my mind this story needed the detailed setup description to pull off all of the slight of hand and bedcovers in the final half page of the story that brings everything together to a climax.

As I said in the first paragraph watch out for those quiet analytical types, they can often come up with creative solutions. Good job.

i read it, whoring is whoring, work related fucking is whoring

you took a loving husband afraid of his wifes betrayal and had him betray her, then you turned both into common sluts for their new employer. Sorry, people with that level of self control aren't worth knowing.

The twist

I get it. The twist is that the husband, who comes off early as a cuck, in fact had his own agenda all along. Still it makes me wonder about how strong his marriage to begin with. I mean this was a leap in attitude to say the least.

Wow ....

Completely totally ridiculous plot .... Just plain crazy

I believe

that Jeff is always in control. He gives the appearance of being sub just as a cover. See how easily he commanded both women? And Marcie rejected Peter's advances and never did anything until he allowed it. I submit the only thing Jeff was concerned about was Peter's potential for influence on Marcie. But Marcie rejected Peter's advances and re-affirmed that Jeff was firmly in control. Peter had access to Marcie because Jeff allowed it, not because of anything Peter or Marcie did. And further, Peter lost any control he may have had of Electra as well. Peter is the cuck in this story.

Epically bad

Badly conceived and poorly written. I suppose you want us to believe that Jeff was the real shark in the water, but given the personality you gave him that twist was laughable at best. That his wife suddenly turns into a mouse was also silly. The worst was Electra and Peter. You would have us believe that two dominant personalities, people that are used to running their own ships and getting their own way would just roll over like puppies and do everything Jeff said. Even for fiction that was ludicrous. I started laughing when you had Jeff "servicing" the two women with drinks and food. Electra especially would not have been drinking the amount of alcohol you had Jeff supplying her with. Much more likely to be drinking water. It's an issue of being in control that women in business understand. Keep a clear head. Basic business acumen. And why would Electra trust Jeff farther than she could throw him? She's never met him before. So there's absolutely no way she would trust him to supply her drinks. I could go on with all the terrible assumptions you made in this mess, but you get the idea. Yes this was a fictional story. But even fiction has to have some touch of reality in it to make for a good read. This had none. Thoroughly unlikeable characters doing dumb things and spouting inane dialogue. Truly bad story telling. No stars only because negative stars aren't yet available.

sorry, but there is nobody to like here.

Not erotic, just stupid and bad.

Great story loved the characters

and gave you a 5

I hope

That the drinks you had while writing this were good, because as a story it wasn't worth the time it took me to read it.

your name is funny

what do farm boys do. they shovel a lot of shit. after reading your story i find your name very appropriate.

You owe me the 5 minutes it took me to read this crap, TFB.

Otherwise, go fuck yourself.

loved it gave you a 5 for

content and effort as Bonnie would say: "fuck you in the heart dear annnony you pig fucking fag

Worth a 5.

Love it when the behind the scenes guy is really in charge. This is an interesting and well done story. Great possibilites for a follow-up.

Good but why....

Like all of your stories this flowed off the page. Unfortunately it's not your best piece and I can't help but wish you'd spend the time and effort spent here to finish New Beginnings: Bob and Jolynn Ch. 01. That story just begs for a conclusion.

You were right

Any comments are just as much a waste of time as reading this story

Can't say I liked it. It wasn't believable to me.

I get that Jeff behaves like a dominant cuckold. (Yes, they do exist; their say-so is necessary for everything, and they control the players like puppets.)
But the women consume way too much wine for them to be making big decisions that affect the rest of their lives.
The biggest problem I have, however, is that this married couple quickly switches to permanent partners that they barely know.
Business relationships...to sexual attraction...to sex...to new partners, one of whom may be knocked up....all after one night?
Unless I missed something, and Jeff had done a lot of investigation beforehand. Maybe we need to know more about their marriage. Was he looking to upgrade, the way women do? Were they always partners of convenience, until someone better came along?

No Emotion, No Realism, Stilted Dialog

I think this is a very poorly done story. The characters have no emotions, no resonance. The attempt at business and financial sophistication is unconvincing and unnecessary. The sibling-marital relationship is odd and pointless. This story shows a lot of effort and thought that results in almost a complete failure.

half and half

Some liked it; some hated it. I therefore suggest you brush up on your grammar.

This story is cleary a 1* rating...However...

This story is cleary a 1* rating...Through two thirds of it we believed the husband was the weak and the wife would cheat that night...The last third, all changed suddenly, and he showed he was the Alpha: he cheated first, the wife didn't cheat, and he decided the life of all of them, in business, who stayed with whom and so on...That would deserved a 3* for the suprise factor...However, as said in one comment, these characters didn't show any true emotions, and that lowered to only 2*...

Ahhh Y E S !!

Some people just want to make a fuss! VERY INTERESTING plot line! I enjoyed this tale very much and am looking forward to some additional chapters. It really belongs in a "loving wives" category because I don't recall one for PURE HUMOR!

@ vastiesmith2

"as Bonnie would say"

Well of course "bonnie would say" that, since you are just another alias for "Bonnie" you would know.

Not Good!

1* at best

Great, interesting story line

Excellent, well written. Great story twist, you had me hooked from the start

Utterly ridiculous... couldn't even finsh.

Don't submit a story that just makes you as the author come across like a moron. This is just silly.

no way

completely implausible. made no sense at all

Well, if he wasn't drinking; what was he smoking?

Talk about la la land. Nothing believable or enticing about it.

Stilted style, and really a bit offbeat

nit sure why anyone would tolerate hosting a party where everyone seems to be trying to drug each other, or run defense against going rooffied. Not good for me

Ok. I read the entire offering. After all, reading three paragraphs isn't exactly hard work.

It wasn't badly written. If I were rating it, which I am, I'd give it three stars. The problem was it was a totally unbelievable fantasy. Not school boy fantasy, but a non- believable fantasy non-the-less.

Must Be Fantasy Land?

Not sure but 3 pages submitted that were about someone's fantasy....just pure junk.

In a word.....C R A P

Deep Change is Always Difficult

I viewed this as an account of deep personal change. Jeff is not only astute when it comes to organizational development, as seen in his proposal to recombine the two companies, but also in his recognition that personal change must precede organizational change. The existing relationships between Electra and Peter, and between Marcie and himself, no longer served their original purposes because they were no longer aligned with the underlying individual feelings and business realities. Jeff was correct but untraditional in bringing about deep personal and organizational change. No doubt this will upset those who cling to traditional views of marriage, but, as the characters discover by the end of the story, they are much happier and fulfilled than they were at the beginning.

Don't Know What To Say...!

I'm finally speechless after reading this story. I almost stopped reading when he was acting as a wimp at the party. Letting some guy trying to pick up his wife give him orders...outlandish and rubbish. But I kept reading because of your warning. When he became the alpha of the group, I just couldn't see it. Also I am not into sharing. Anyhow, thanks for the story.

A really dumb story....

but it was told well, brought some fun and made me laugh about the logic - because it's totally missing.

sorta dumb

just the fixation on watching out for party vultures, that is not how it works in the real world. woman dont just cheat at drop of a dime, and drugging drinks is against the law and can get yoiu some very real jail time. Just not realistic, so I couldnt relate.

Fun

Not sure where that came from, and certainly agree with some of the other comments, but in a strange way it worked.