Sorry , But clothes and clues seemed to have got mixed and stop my reading in its tracks. while I sorted it out.
What a complex plot you are weaving. I hope you are going to focus in the next chapter. Not quite in the Austen /Bronte style though.
by
Anonymous09/21/15
UGH.
Tattoos are the sign of an insecure lower class person.
A most promising first submission. It's the story and imagination that really counts here. Adapt the advice of the most successful English tabloid editor Kelvin McKenzie who famously once told all his freelance journalist contributors: "Don't worry about the spelling and the grammar. I've got subs (sub-editors) to do that f.....g bit. It's the facts that count."
by
Anonymous09/21/15
Meh, needs some work, some editing and try to be more focused.
"the door he was holding opened for her."
Not opened, its open.
'I opened the door.'
'The door is open.'
Watch your grammar, this could be a good story, but only if you watch that and focus more than you did in this chapter. There was too many things introduced in this one.
by
Anonymous09/21/15
Tatoos?
'Lower class person'? WTF?
Dont't have any myself but what does it have to do with anything?
by
Anonymous09/21/15
Luv Spill check
Editor or even re reading helps.
For example : " Immediately the detectives started tearing the call apart for any clothes. "
A phone call wearing clothes ?
Clothes , Clues same thing write ?
What the hell so what if he has tattoos. Tattoos do not make u a lower class person they can pick a person up and make them feel better. Dont forget they can be used to id u if something goes wrong. Leave off them. Some mistakes but a good start just try rereading again before u post keep them coming
by
Anonymous09/21/15
Spill check huh. What was that saying something about pots and kettles.
by
Anonymous09/21/15
Good start
A little short for my taste. I'm not a writer but it must be hard. Yes, use spill check and get a proof-reader. Looking for the next instalment.
by
Anonymous09/21/15
Promising Story
Don't give up. It just needs a little more polishing. But def a story I would come back to. Hopefully you post more chapters.
English
clues ?
Sorry , But clothes and clues seemed to have got mixed and stop my reading in its tracks. while I sorted it out.
What a complex plot you are weaving. I hope you are going to focus in the next chapter. Not quite in the Austen /Bronte style though.
UGH.
Tattoos are the sign of an insecure lower class person.
Keep Writing
A most promising first submission. It's the story and imagination that really counts here. Adapt the advice of the most successful English tabloid editor Kelvin McKenzie who famously once told all his freelance journalist contributors: "Don't worry about the spelling and the grammar. I've got subs (sub-editors) to do that f.....g bit. It's the facts that count."
Meh, needs some work, some editing and try to be more focused.
"the door he was holding opened for her."
Not opened, its open.
'I opened the door.'
'The door is open.'
Watch your grammar, this could be a good story, but only if you watch that and focus more than you did in this chapter. There was too many things introduced in this one.
Tatoos?
'Lower class person'? WTF?
Dont't have any myself but what does it have to do with anything?
Luv Spill check
Editor or even re reading helps.
For example : " Immediately the detectives started tearing the call apart for any clothes. "
A phone call wearing clothes ?
Clothes , Clues same thing write ?
tattoos
What the hell so what if he has tattoos. Tattoos do not make u a lower class person they can pick a person up and make them feel better. Dont forget they can be used to id u if something goes wrong. Leave off them. Some mistakes but a good start just try rereading again before u post keep them coming
Spill check huh. What was that saying something about pots and kettles.
Good start
A little short for my taste. I'm not a writer but it must be hard. Yes, use spill check and get a proof-reader. Looking for the next instalment.
Promising Story
Don't give up. It just needs a little more polishing. But def a story I would come back to. Hopefully you post more chapters.
Good start...but...clothes?
Seriously, spellchecker is NOT your friend! It should have been clues, not clothes. Otherwise it's a damn fine start to what looks like a good story.
So far, so good.
I look forward to the next chapter.
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