take back a cheating professional whore, yeah right away, with no problem
RAAC, wow, could she sink any lower, and he be any more of shit floating in a sewer? Stories of the mentally ill aren't erotic, try writing something that makes sense.
by
Anonymous09/30/15
Your constant description of her being a "scorcher" was overdone.
She was hot, we got that, but the truth is, no matter how good looking a girl is, some guy, somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit.
No one is perfect, no body is perfect or at least, not for long because we all have flaws, that's what makes love grand. Beauty fades, we get wrinkles, boobs droop, getting an erection isn't as easy, we get love handles...even porn actresses suffer from insecurities, then more than most.
So next story, don't focus on how stunning, how hot, how fan fucking tastic she is because that gets old fast.
by
Anonymous09/30/15
Got bored with your constant descriptions of how hot she is I stopped reading. 1*
by
Anonymous09/30/15
ok
Where to begin.
The dialog was atrocious, people do not communicate like that.
The character of the wife was so unbelievably stupid that it ruined any chance the story had, unfortunately with that plot the story had zero chance anyway.
The husband...........really can't be bothered to put any more effort into analysing the story apart from the fact that the author allows anon comments and he/she deserves respect for that as so many so called "good" author's don't, so where i give lower ratings to authors with no spine this author gets 4* for the effort and balls to allow all comments.
I never comment the writing... the style sometimes (like using the second person, to tell something that the other had lived)...I'm interested in the plot and characters...This story have the selfisheness of people who only think in what they want, never thinking the way that will affect the persons around her and above all their family. But it's also about people who come back understanding the wrong they did...And about people who suffered but could find in their heart the strengh to forgive...Not all people are the same: others would never repent, others would never forgive...Maybe they would choose to be unhappy all their lives...But these two they found their way...3*
I liked the plot but the wife seemed to be an exact copy of most of your other stories and again reconciliation just kinda...happens. Story felt like it was missing plot before she went to LA and again after he moved out.
there are people who read so much fetish porn and/or not personally experienced the joys of blissful love and adoration that they view the world through those obscured glasses. This story depicts them clearly and succinctly. The readers are the clichés depicted in the writings.
I could list the stereotypes, but that would infuriate one side of the crowd, and disappoint the other.
by
Anonymous09/30/15
wow
this is one of the best comedy i have ever read on this site and if was not meant to be a comedy oh well .
He should have dumped her the minute she came back home. She could have just moved on with Ramon. He could have moved on with someone to trust and love him. I would have packed her shit and put it on the porch.
i agree this was a very good comedy. Wife actually sends her husband a video of her being fucked and he still stays for a little bit. I cant be upset at the ending bc i know you have a penchant for raac, but maybe next time make it a little more believeable.
I think, on the effect of porn on a relationship when it becomes an obsession. The roles were reversed from what is commonly seen, but gets its point across none the less.
I have to agree with Britease's comment: Entertaining, quite a comedy and well-done. For that alone: 5*.
But what I didn't like was the easy reconcilliation with such a cruel and uncaring partner as the wife is. It was nearly a carbon-copy of your own story about the wife becoming a groupie. No wife harbouring thoughts like Ellen (as her own words prove) and acting such selfish and cruel can change totally to get worth to be taken back - even if she is "hot", or better: ESPECIALLY if she is "hot".
(BTW: all that applies to the female character in the aforementioned groupie-story as well.)
A few words to the (mostly anonymous) critics of this author's command of the English language. I am sure that these commenters are far from able to write a story like this - not in English and surely not in German. I read far worse written by supposedly native speakers - worse especially in terms of grammar, spelling, dialogues and textflow.
Please keep on sharing, stev.
by
Anonymous09/30/15
WHAT THE HELL !
I had to stop reading this in the middle of page 2.
Steve2244 , what are you doing?? You can not write a story and change the personality of a character, an adult on a whim! The wife Ellen started normal for 3 or 4 paragraphs . Then you did a lobotomy on her. She became a female member of the 3 stooges . A moronic person, without malicious intent, who destroyed her marriage.
Then towards the end of page 2 ,she becomes normal again. You even realize you went to far with the manipulation of Ellen and the reader. You put words in her mouth of exculpation .
Stev come on, this kind of lazy writing just ruins a story.
I am not rating this , on plot, nor anything else . It's like you borrowed an Ellen from a SS06 story, then gave her back. Unbelievable fail!!
Sorry for the vent,thanks for your time lol.
AMerryman
by
Anonymous09/30/15
And later that night......
she texts Ramon. "He bought it. Our best acting job! Text me your new address here
in town."
Didn't see this as funny or an RAAC story. I saw it as a gender reversal, in fact, the wife's character noted it as such. We guys fantasize about porn actresses - this author took that fantasy and progressed it - interesting premise - to ultimate conclusion or should I say consumation. What if I got invited to go to LA and make a sex flick with my favorite actress? if that happened, my wife would dump me in a New York minute. One would think that the likelihood of a woman behaving like this would be small, but these ladies in the sex industry come from somewhere. They are people's sisters, lovers, daughters. I remember Marilyn Chambers telling Larry King on cnn that "sex is a commodity, and I sell it." For me, this was a thought-provoking story. However, perhaps I misinterperted the author's intentions and it was really meant to be humorous.
by
Anonymous09/30/15
Should have been under Satire
The characters were, well, I can't even call them caricatures. They weren’t that deep. He’s whining, all “Boo Hoo Hoo, I’m a loser, I’m worthless.” She’s the cliché of too many of these stories of the woman, where she’s the one with the“It’s just sex” argument, which is pretty much the exact opposite of what women are really like. Yeah, it’s fiction, but fiction is NOT carte blanch to do anything without logic or reason.
Then there’s the reconciliation, which may be more ludicrous than the set up. Really, she’s so great the porn star is willing to go after her? And the thing is, as you wrote it there really wasn’t any connection. Ramon comes to visit, he thinks he’s lost her forever, he’s standing in the supermarket, she’s there, and BOOM, he forgives her. Really? It would be laughable if it wasn’t so fucking stupid and lame.
by
Anonymous09/30/15
No more.
I have defended stev2244 against critics on previous contributions. The formula worked for me. The woman behaves horribly, sees the error of her ways, and returns to her long-suffering lover. But this one went too far. The long drawn-out descriptions of her porn behavior were simply disgusting. So disgusting and prolonged, that the usual "Oh what have I done" conversion simply didn't work this time. She was so awful that her turn-about was simply unbelievable. Sorry stev2244. I like your stuff, but you simply pushed it too far.
by
Anonymous09/30/15
Interview
Reader: "This story is terrible."
Author: "Yes. Sadly. I think we can call that my brain-dead period."
by
Anonymous09/30/15
WHAT DO YOU MEAN SATIRE ??
Okay, so this was intentional . My so heartfelt apology.
I mean this comedy is right up there with the stuff written by the bard! You sure fooled me. Until I read the comments .
Did you ever think about self- published books?? Thanks again.
In spite of the comments here, your characters are actually very well drawn. Part of the problem is that you display a lot of insight in their emotional responses to plot points, but then those emotions don't always jive with their actions, and they also change on a dime without development or impetus.
The concept, I find really interesting. Porn addiction and its potential consequences among women is an under-discussed phenomenon. I have a friend who nearly divorced over just that problem, and it's true that one of the biggest hurtles was that there are opportunities for female porn addicts that are not as available to men. So while women are less likely to get addicted, when they do the consequences can be markedly worse.
I'd be very interested in a story that explored that with more authentic human behaviors, though it is more likely to be used for tales like this or dull BtB schlock.
Basically this is about people and their reaction to porn especially to those who have never paid much attention. It removes love as an active ingredient and gives impressive scenes which leave us often threatened and later bored. Also the creation of Ramon was a great idea. The fact that he tried to live with the problem for a while may have turned many people against the story but I have always wondered how far the promise to hold her in sickness or health goes. For me personally it is absolute and what she had was a kind of sickness.
by
Anonymous10/01/15
I can't help it!
The premise was either tired or absurd. The dialog was . . .. who knows?
But I liked it anyway. It somehow managed to be lots of fun.
by
Anonymous10/01/15
There were a lot of little technical errors in your writing....but they were consistent....
....so you have far less to overcome than several other contributors.
The plot and storyline were somewhat common, tending to hackneyed.
I felt the reconciliation was not supported by any real change.....just loneliness. His reaction to her going to L.A. And making a part of a porn movie...well, he should have simply been gone when she got back. Any woman or man that would do that to their spouse is undeserving of any hope or expectation of ever talking with them again.
She was singleminded and purposeful. He moped too much, then stopped the divorce and reconciled. I also thought the Ramon character was too plastic to represent anything or anyone living or dead.
What I liked best and enjoyed most, was your characterization. In spite of their circular thinking and repeated arguments, they were both likeable (in their unique ways).
Spend more time and effort in editing you stories to get your number, tense and person right. The little niggling errors that frequent your writing can, in time, become a big irritation.
by
Anonymous10/01/15
He divorced her for the right reason, the marriage just wasn't working anymore.
But now she returns as a changed woman, and he has not yet found a replacement. So why not give it a chance?. What has he got to lose? Divorce is a great way to restart your life, but its a self-defeating way to punish someone. If he still really wants her he should first definitely divorce her, then reestablish the relationship with this supposedly changed woman. The old marriage she killed. They should see if a new marriage is possible. In the new marriage there should be a prenup regarding property and especially eventual children. But if they still love and want each other I say they should go for it. Why not?
A good thought provoking story.
by
Anonymous10/01/15
Where's the anger
I always enjoy the part in these stories when the wronged husband, has to explain to the wife how furious he is, how hurt he is, and what a slut she is. All this guy does is whine about how he doesn't measure, and up now my dick won't work anymore boohoo. I like reconciliation stories, but I wonder why she wants this crybaby back. And Him, she went to LA fucked another guy, and sent him the video for
Christ sake ?
Over and out.
Well, I have to admit that the feedback is not really motivating me to continue. Thanks to Gatorhermit who has taken the time to understand what the story is about.
The idea of a reversal of the usual female approach to porn was evident as the story unfolded. I liked the character portrayals. A tale with a moral, well written. Please keep writing and ignore the anonymous arseholes.
So what if the feedback hasn't been what you wanted? This is a tough audience and, in this category, the interest is mostly on BTB. Your story isn't BTB so what else can be expected from the comments?
I like your writing style. The way you included the name headings made it easy to keep up with what was happening, the flow was good and the interaction between the characters was realistic.
Don't quit! Who knows, maybe you have a BTB story in you that will draw rave reviews!
by
Anonymous10/01/15
Keep Writing
I like what you have posted thus far.I lean towards BTB but have found your posts fun to read.
by
Anonymous10/01/15
STOP WRITING!!!
or at least DON'T POST HERE!!!
Brain-dead characters DO NOT make for a good story! 1/5
I enjoyed reading it. Different people have different ideas and different motivations. So maybe 99% of the population would not act like the people described but a small percentage may do and who knows what happens then. Thanks for showing a alternative side of life.
by
Anonymous10/01/15
re: Well, I have to admit that the feedback is not really motivating me to continue.
No, we get what the story was "about". The problem is that no the story just doesn't work. We get it, you like reconciliation stories. However, you NEVER provide a valid reason for the reconciliation. This story is a good example.
As another person stated, you basically have him become so lonely he gives in. That’s the pattern of your stories. No matter how shitty the wife treats the husband, in the end he capitulates and she basically gets away with it. That’s not a reconciliation story, it’s a rather standard LW cuckold, wimpy husband story.
You want to write reconciliation stories? Fine, but provide some evidence you actually put some effort into it, rather than the “she fucks around on him, he takes her back, the end” stories you’ve been posting.
by
Anonymous10/01/15
Nicely Done
Okay, I am not the anonymous you writers dread, using posts to work out my own sense of inferiority. You've got a good sense of story. There are some weaknesses in pacing and development, but the overall story line and character development seem not only feasible but convincing. I appreciate that Mike doesn't have a younger knock out in the wings; instead you make his insecurity and despair quite real. That said, you need to develop Ramon some more to round out his character. I think the only false note is Ramon's bad English. Just because he's Hispanic doesn't mean his English is bad; he could easily have been raised in Sonoma and speak English as a first language.
What a great story. At first I wasn't sure about her interest in porn, when she went to LA I was less sure, I've been there. I think husband was correctly characterized, a good guy. Really interesting. I'm now going to read your other stories. xoxox Annette
by
Anonymous10/01/15
not good at all
if you want to write the story so they get back together, then at least make it believable. make it original. dont just go "oh i hate you cheater", then a just a little late he is giving her a second chance. try to give a believable reason that he could give her a second chance. also please stop writing the husband and wife as retarded. nobody who is as successful as they are are this stupid. it makes it all seem so fake.
I enjoyed the inventive and well-executed way you gender-flipped the porn trope. It provided a much more believable setup for Ellen's betrayal than your other heroines have received. I think some commenters found it a little too believable: this being, after all, a porn site. And congratulations on your increasing facility with English.
That said, the reconciliation doesn't work for me. The commenter's ending in which she texts Ramon "He bought it. Our best acting job!" is much more in character.
Part of the problem is that we're set up not to believe Ellen. She lies to Mike before she leaves ("she's not kidding anyone here and she knows it"). She lies to herself and to him about whether she's really going to LA to fuck Ramon in a porn movie. Then when it happens, she acts surprised at what we all knew was coming. So why should we believe she's telling the truth after she comes back, especially when she tells him "You know that I've never lied to you" and we know she has, repeatedly?
Another problem is that in a single paragraph, Ellen goes from "Why does he take this so serious[ly]" to "I've been a bitch" for no perceivable reason. It's so implausible that we doubt her for the rest of the story. Afterward, you do show her gradually coming to a realization of what she's done (going from excuses like "I did it partly for you" to "I was just selfish, mindless, cruel, uncaring") but by this time we're already so suspicious of her that it doesn't work.
Ellen's dialogue doesn't help, either. When Mike shows his feelings, she responds with "Sorry..." and an excuse ("I hoped you'd enjoy it"). It sounds too flippant for a serious apology. Besides, why would she think he would enjoy her porn scene, when he said for months he didn't like porn?
I think you mean for your heroines to grow up through their 'adventure,' and mature into stable marriage partners. The problem is that they start out capable of cruelly betraying someone they say they love. By the end of the story, we have no reason to believe that capacity isn't still there. Thus even if we believe that Ellen will never make another porno, we think she'll pull some new, equally devastating stunt on poor Mike.
I'm not that invested in your result, but like how you got there, and the exploration of feelings and impacts on emotions of acts of others and related consequences. Looking forward to more offerings from you, wherever they lead.
by
Anonymous11/16/15
No Way
She should have been thrown to the curb just as any cheater and she could sit right next to my ex which I put her there for much less. This rekindle as it was is bullshit that would never work that way in the real world. She needed much more consequence for her actions. Fucking even only once would have been one time too many. Seems like this is a theme in your stories. Sorry it just doesn't work that way
by
Anonymous11/16/15
5 for efort and for content
and for upsetting dear annony. Eat it annony, you asshole
by
Anonymous11/20/15
Zehr Gut!
Excellent! 5*. The sex role twist was great. And to write for the Taliban BTB Nazis who contaminate this category with their knee-jerk hatred takes balls! Keep writing and working on your craft!
by
Anonymous11/21/15
Thanks for lowering the glass ceiling another inch
What sexist garbage. Basically, you're telling the reader that life as a woman consists of three options - an underpaid dead-end job in the service industry, abandoning everything for prostitution and sex work or ending up barefoot and pregnant in some man's kitchen (just so long as he "makes good money") - and that's all your female lead character will ever aspire to. She is portrayed as indecisive, insecure and unable to decide what she wants. You're also very sex-negative. Your message seems to be that if you ever watch porn - let alone allow your spouse to do so - she will immediately leave you, basically ending your marriage in some catastrophic manner to move to LA to screw some porn star on-screen.
As much as you seem to want to post to Literotica (of all places) to decry the evils of pornography and sin, the rest of your story doesn't even make sense.
The porn appearance isn't an exit strategy from the call centre job if it's supposed to be a one-shot role that's over in at most a few weeks; all that resigning the day job, making one appearance on screen and then leaving LA would accomplish is to leave the character unemployed at the end of this.
The "communication" between the spouses also makes no sense. The whole point of her repeatedly telling him what she's going to do at each step should be to assess whether his comfort level is adequate to deal with this or whether he's jealous or possessive enough that damage control (whether it be setting clear limits, or abandoning the idea, or accepting that this will end the marriage) is done before leaving for LA. The "do what you want. i'm not sure if i'll be here when you return anyway. you have already cheated. not in the spur of the moment, but in a planned way. i don't think we still have a marriage left." message contains nothing that isn't already in all of the previous "communication" with this jealous man. If she ignored the issue before, why does it suddenly become 'priority' after it's all over? This is just more of the same, after all.
There are plenty of ways to write this so that she knocks the "have hot sex with cute porn star on-screen" fantasy off her bucket list, then decides it didn't meet her expectations and run home - even if the sex itself was pleasurable, as soon as it's over it's clear that Ramon is a sex worker, he doesn't want to fall in love with her and has immediately moved on to the next scene and the next scarlet, completely forgetting about her while she cries her eyes out. Maybe she gets cold feet about the reactions of friends and family back home once the video is published, maybe the porn directors try to crudely pressure her into various specific degrading sexual acts which are beyond her own comfort level. All kinds of opportunity to have the nascent porn starlet walk off stage in tears and never return (face it, these guys have a lot to learn about women) but this story misses all those possibilities and merely has her run back based on some piece of information that was something she already knew would happen - the marriage breakdown - and which isn't news to basically anyone.
I presume you're just trying to reverse the trope where a married man in a sexually unfulfilling relationship buys an hour with a lady of the night, has wild sex with her in every imaginable position, then at the 1:00:01 mark (when the session is over) insists that he wants to leave wifey to marry the female escort -- who is understandably dismayed and horrified because she never loved him, will never love him and is merely doing her job, professionally, with no expectation or desire to take this further and certainly with no intent to end her client's marriage. (Hopefully she talks him out of hit before he does something really stupid and loses both women.) Nonetheless, the story line just doesn't quite work.
The separation is contrived and implausible. If you want to end the relatiionship, end it. Don't waste time sulking which could be spent finding a new mate whom you could espouse once the divorce is final. The relationship is done. Gone. Deal with it. That's what adults do.
Ramon hiring a private investigator is creepy and stalkerish. Why would he do this? He's a sex worker, she's someone he's been with once as a single appearance as part of his job. As a professional, he knows that means nothing. Furthermore, the people in LA already have her contact info and know she is not coming back. To show up and grovel is merely pointless humiliation. He can find another mate, why waste time pursuing someone who is not interested and who is likely blaming him for an awkward marriage breakdown in which he only played a one-scene bit part?
She turns him down, so he asks her ex to intervene? That makes no sense at all. Her ex can't do anything, even if he wanted to, as he's already separated and awaiting divorce. If there is a grieving process before beginning the next relationship (like that of a widow or widower) all that can be done is wait that process out. At that point, she needs to forget about both of these guys and find someone who isn't a sex worker and who also doesn't intend to leave her barefoot and pregnant in a kitchen somewhere, spending the rest of her life agonising over whether she's attractive enough to keep her mate. Mike needs to get on with his life. Ramon needs to get on with his life. Ellen needs to get on with her life.
They all need to walk away from this trainwreck and think a few things through.
Reconciling in some contrived and ridiculous manner just for the sake of doing so only prolongs the misery. End it, please.
stupid female character and a pussy whipped male. TK
by
Anonymous12/02/15
Note the comments from...
Anon 11/21/15. He makes good points up until he's talking about Ramon and the final reconciliation. Although stated condescendingly, the points would make the story better and more relatable.
I'm OK with how you handled Ramon, there are actually sad people like that out there. Ellen's epiphany comes out of nowhere, there's no stimulus to change her opinion. She apparently had some of the best sex of her life, and is so enamored and proud of the whole production she sends it to her husband. The same husband who's opinion she's discounted, and gives the only negative reaction. There needs to be an outside stimulus for her to 'get' that shooting porn might have been a bad idea.
I like your stories, but it frustrates me that they could be a lot better if executed properly.
English
take back a cheating professional whore, yeah right away, with no problem
RAAC, wow, could she sink any lower, and he be any more of shit floating in a sewer? Stories of the mentally ill aren't erotic, try writing something that makes sense.
Your constant description of her being a "scorcher" was overdone.
She was hot, we got that, but the truth is, no matter how good looking a girl is, some guy, somewhere is tired of putting up with her shit.
No one is perfect, no body is perfect or at least, not for long because we all have flaws, that's what makes love grand. Beauty fades, we get wrinkles, boobs droop, getting an erection isn't as easy, we get love handles...even porn actresses suffer from insecurities, then more than most.
So next story, don't focus on how stunning, how hot, how fan fucking tastic she is because that gets old fast.
Got bored with your constant descriptions of how hot she is I stopped reading. 1*
ok
Where to begin.
The dialog was atrocious, people do not communicate like that.
The character of the wife was so unbelievably stupid that it ruined any chance the story had, unfortunately with that plot the story had zero chance anyway.
The husband...........really can't be bothered to put any more effort into analysing the story apart from the fact that the author allows anon comments and he/she deserves respect for that as so many so called "good" author's don't, so where i give lower ratings to authors with no spine this author gets 4* for the effort and balls to allow all comments.
No
I liked the story line but not the presentation, I read through to the end to be able to comment, not an enjoyable read but thanks for your effort.
Sensational
A wonderful allegory for the corrosive effect of porn on the dim-witted.
I never comment the writing...
I never comment the writing... the style sometimes (like using the second person, to tell something that the other had lived)...I'm interested in the plot and characters...This story have the selfisheness of people who only think in what they want, never thinking the way that will affect the persons around her and above all their family. But it's also about people who come back understanding the wrong they did...And about people who suffered but could find in their heart the strengh to forgive...Not all people are the same: others would never repent, others would never forgive...Maybe they would choose to be unhappy all their lives...But these two they found their way...3*
Enjoyed It
Very nicely done. Interesting story line, but yours usually are.
Keep it up. I enjoy your writing.
do you think I am good looking?
nope
not any more
I liked the plot but the wife seemed to be an exact copy of most of your other stories and again reconciliation just kinda...happens. Story felt like it was missing plot before she went to LA and again after he moved out.
YAWN
same song different verse.
The translation to English doesn't bother me but the same theme, same characters, same, same, same, same
unfortunately
there are people who read so much fetish porn and/or not personally experienced the joys of blissful love and adoration that they view the world through those obscured glasses. This story depicts them clearly and succinctly. The readers are the clichés depicted in the writings.
I could list the stereotypes, but that would infuriate one side of the crowd, and disappoint the other.
wow
this is one of the best comedy i have ever read on this site and if was not meant to be a comedy oh well .
Dump her!!!!!!!!!
He should have dumped her the minute she came back home. She could have just moved on with Ramon. He could have moved on with someone to trust and love him. I would have packed her shit and put it on the porch.
@ anon
i agree this was a very good comedy. Wife actually sends her husband a video of her being fucked and he still stays for a little bit. I cant be upset at the ending bc i know you have a penchant for raac, but maybe next time make it a little more believeable.
Hilarious
Had to give it a five for the entertainment value. I'm still grinning as I write this.
Nice satire
I think, on the effect of porn on a relationship when it becomes an obsession. The roles were reversed from what is commonly seen, but gets its point across none the less.
Humorous and entertaining
I have to agree with Britease's comment: Entertaining, quite a comedy and well-done. For that alone: 5*.
But what I didn't like was the easy reconcilliation with such a cruel and uncaring partner as the wife is. It was nearly a carbon-copy of your own story about the wife becoming a groupie. No wife harbouring thoughts like Ellen (as her own words prove) and acting such selfish and cruel can change totally to get worth to be taken back - even if she is "hot", or better: ESPECIALLY if she is "hot".
(BTW: all that applies to the female character in the aforementioned groupie-story as well.)
A few words to the (mostly anonymous) critics of this author's command of the English language. I am sure that these commenters are far from able to write a story like this - not in English and surely not in German. I read far worse written by supposedly native speakers - worse especially in terms of grammar, spelling, dialogues and textflow.
Please keep on sharing, stev.
WHAT THE HELL !
I had to stop reading this in the middle of page 2.
Steve2244 , what are you doing?? You can not write a story and change the personality of a character, an adult on a whim! The wife Ellen started normal for 3 or 4 paragraphs . Then you did a lobotomy on her. She became a female member of the 3 stooges . A moronic person, without malicious intent, who destroyed her marriage.
Then towards the end of page 2 ,she becomes normal again. You even realize you went to far with the manipulation of Ellen and the reader. You put words in her mouth of exculpation .
Stev come on, this kind of lazy writing just ruins a story.
I am not rating this , on plot, nor anything else . It's like you borrowed an Ellen from a SS06 story, then gave her back. Unbelievable fail!!
Sorry for the vent,thanks for your time lol.
AMerryman
And later that night......
she texts Ramon. "He bought it. Our best acting job! Text me your new address here
in town."
I don't agree with the comments
Didn't see this as funny or an RAAC story. I saw it as a gender reversal, in fact, the wife's character noted it as such. We guys fantasize about porn actresses - this author took that fantasy and progressed it - interesting premise - to ultimate conclusion or should I say consumation. What if I got invited to go to LA and make a sex flick with my favorite actress? if that happened, my wife would dump me in a New York minute. One would think that the likelihood of a woman behaving like this would be small, but these ladies in the sex industry come from somewhere. They are people's sisters, lovers, daughters. I remember Marilyn Chambers telling Larry King on cnn that "sex is a commodity, and I sell it." For me, this was a thought-provoking story. However, perhaps I misinterperted the author's intentions and it was really meant to be humorous.
Should have been under Satire
The characters were, well, I can't even call them caricatures. They weren’t that deep. He’s whining, all “Boo Hoo Hoo, I’m a loser, I’m worthless.” She’s the cliché of too many of these stories of the woman, where she’s the one with the“It’s just sex” argument, which is pretty much the exact opposite of what women are really like. Yeah, it’s fiction, but fiction is NOT carte blanch to do anything without logic or reason.
Then there’s the reconciliation, which may be more ludicrous than the set up. Really, she’s so great the porn star is willing to go after her? And the thing is, as you wrote it there really wasn’t any connection. Ramon comes to visit, he thinks he’s lost her forever, he’s standing in the supermarket, she’s there, and BOOM, he forgives her. Really? It would be laughable if it wasn’t so fucking stupid and lame.
No more.
I have defended stev2244 against critics on previous contributions. The formula worked for me. The woman behaves horribly, sees the error of her ways, and returns to her long-suffering lover. But this one went too far. The long drawn-out descriptions of her porn behavior were simply disgusting. So disgusting and prolonged, that the usual "Oh what have I done" conversion simply didn't work this time. She was so awful that her turn-about was simply unbelievable. Sorry stev2244. I like your stuff, but you simply pushed it too far.
Interview
Reader: "This story is terrible."
Author: "Yes. Sadly. I think we can call that my brain-dead period."
WHAT DO YOU MEAN SATIRE ??
Okay, so this was intentional . My so heartfelt apology.
I mean this comedy is right up there with the stuff written by the bard! You sure fooled me. Until I read the comments .
Did you ever think about self- published books?? Thanks again.
AMerryman
Hmm
In spite of the comments here, your characters are actually very well drawn. Part of the problem is that you display a lot of insight in their emotional responses to plot points, but then those emotions don't always jive with their actions, and they also change on a dime without development or impetus.
The concept, I find really interesting. Porn addiction and its potential consequences among women is an under-discussed phenomenon. I have a friend who nearly divorced over just that problem, and it's true that one of the biggest hurtles was that there are opportunities for female porn addicts that are not as available to men. So while women are less likely to get addicted, when they do the consequences can be markedly worse.
I'd be very interested in a story that explored that with more authentic human behaviors, though it is more likely to be used for tales like this or dull BtB schlock.
A different take
on an old storyline. Well done.
Wow Nice Comment Gator!
Basically this is about people and their reaction to porn especially to those who have never paid much attention. It removes love as an active ingredient and gives impressive scenes which leave us often threatened and later bored. Also the creation of Ramon was a great idea. The fact that he tried to live with the problem for a while may have turned many people against the story but I have always wondered how far the promise to hold her in sickness or health goes. For me personally it is absolute and what she had was a kind of sickness.
I can't help it!
The premise was either tired or absurd. The dialog was . . .. who knows?
But I liked it anyway. It somehow managed to be lots of fun.
There were a lot of little technical errors in your writing....but they were consistent....
....so you have far less to overcome than several other contributors.
The plot and storyline were somewhat common, tending to hackneyed.
I felt the reconciliation was not supported by any real change.....just loneliness. His reaction to her going to L.A. And making a part of a porn movie...well, he should have simply been gone when she got back. Any woman or man that would do that to their spouse is undeserving of any hope or expectation of ever talking with them again.
She was singleminded and purposeful. He moped too much, then stopped the divorce and reconciled. I also thought the Ramon character was too plastic to represent anything or anyone living or dead.
What I liked best and enjoyed most, was your characterization. In spite of their circular thinking and repeated arguments, they were both likeable (in their unique ways).
Spend more time and effort in editing you stories to get your number, tense and person right. The little niggling errors that frequent your writing can, in time, become a big irritation.
He divorced her for the right reason, the marriage just wasn't working anymore.
But now she returns as a changed woman, and he has not yet found a replacement. So why not give it a chance?. What has he got to lose? Divorce is a great way to restart your life, but its a self-defeating way to punish someone. If he still really wants her he should first definitely divorce her, then reestablish the relationship with this supposedly changed woman. The old marriage she killed. They should see if a new marriage is possible. In the new marriage there should be a prenup regarding property and especially eventual children. But if they still love and want each other I say they should go for it. Why not?
A good thought provoking story.
Where's the anger
I always enjoy the part in these stories when the wronged husband, has to explain to the wife how furious he is, how hurt he is, and what a slut she is. All this guy does is whine about how he doesn't measure, and up now my dick won't work anymore boohoo. I like reconciliation stories, but I wonder why she wants this crybaby back. And Him, she went to LA fucked another guy, and sent him the video for
Christ sake ?
Over and out.
Well, I have to admit that the feedback is not really motivating me to continue. Thanks to Gatorhermit who has taken the time to understand what the story is about.
I liked it.
The idea of a reversal of the usual female approach to porn was evident as the story unfolded. I liked the character portrayals. A tale with a moral, well written. Please keep writing and ignore the anonymous arseholes.
So What?
So what if the feedback hasn't been what you wanted? This is a tough audience and, in this category, the interest is mostly on BTB. Your story isn't BTB so what else can be expected from the comments?
I like your writing style. The way you included the name headings made it easy to keep up with what was happening, the flow was good and the interaction between the characters was realistic.
Don't quit! Who knows, maybe you have a BTB story in you that will draw rave reviews!
Keep Writing
I like what you have posted thus far.I lean towards BTB but have found your posts fun to read.
STOP WRITING!!!
or at least DON'T POST HERE!!!
Brain-dead characters DO NOT make for a good story! 1/5
An interesting concept
I enjoyed reading it. Different people have different ideas and different motivations. So maybe 99% of the population would not act like the people described but a small percentage may do and who knows what happens then. Thanks for showing a alternative side of life.
re: Well, I have to admit that the feedback is not really motivating me to continue.
No, we get what the story was "about". The problem is that no the story just doesn't work. We get it, you like reconciliation stories. However, you NEVER provide a valid reason for the reconciliation. This story is a good example.
As another person stated, you basically have him become so lonely he gives in. That’s the pattern of your stories. No matter how shitty the wife treats the husband, in the end he capitulates and she basically gets away with it. That’s not a reconciliation story, it’s a rather standard LW cuckold, wimpy husband story.
You want to write reconciliation stories? Fine, but provide some evidence you actually put some effort into it, rather than the “she fucks around on him, he takes her back, the end” stories you’ve been posting.
Nicely Done
Okay, I am not the anonymous you writers dread, using posts to work out my own sense of inferiority. You've got a good sense of story. There are some weaknesses in pacing and development, but the overall story line and character development seem not only feasible but convincing. I appreciate that Mike doesn't have a younger knock out in the wings; instead you make his insecurity and despair quite real. That said, you need to develop Ramon some more to round out his character. I think the only false note is Ramon's bad English. Just because he's Hispanic doesn't mean his English is bad; he could easily have been raised in Sonoma and speak English as a first language.
Wow! I didn't see that coming. Excellent
What a great story. At first I wasn't sure about her interest in porn, when she went to LA I was less sure, I've been there. I think husband was correctly characterized, a good guy. Really interesting. I'm now going to read your other stories. xoxox Annette
not good at all
if you want to write the story so they get back together, then at least make it believable. make it original. dont just go "oh i hate you cheater", then a just a little late he is giving her a second chance. try to give a believable reason that he could give her a second chance. also please stop writing the husband and wife as retarded. nobody who is as successful as they are are this stupid. it makes it all seem so fake.
Some things to like, some not so much.
I enjoyed the inventive and well-executed way you gender-flipped the porn trope. It provided a much more believable setup for Ellen's betrayal than your other heroines have received. I think some commenters found it a little too believable: this being, after all, a porn site. And congratulations on your increasing facility with English.
That said, the reconciliation doesn't work for me. The commenter's ending in which she texts Ramon "He bought it. Our best acting job!" is much more in character.
Part of the problem is that we're set up not to believe Ellen. She lies to Mike before she leaves ("she's not kidding anyone here and she knows it"). She lies to herself and to him about whether she's really going to LA to fuck Ramon in a porn movie. Then when it happens, she acts surprised at what we all knew was coming. So why should we believe she's telling the truth after she comes back, especially when she tells him "You know that I've never lied to you" and we know she has, repeatedly?
Another problem is that in a single paragraph, Ellen goes from "Why does he take this so serious[ly]" to "I've been a bitch" for no perceivable reason. It's so implausible that we doubt her for the rest of the story. Afterward, you do show her gradually coming to a realization of what she's done (going from excuses like "I did it partly for you" to "I was just selfish, mindless, cruel, uncaring") but by this time we're already so suspicious of her that it doesn't work.
Ellen's dialogue doesn't help, either. When Mike shows his feelings, she responds with "Sorry..." and an excuse ("I hoped you'd enjoy it"). It sounds too flippant for a serious apology. Besides, why would she think he would enjoy her porn scene, when he said for months he didn't like porn?
I think you mean for your heroines to grow up through their 'adventure,' and mature into stable marriage partners. The problem is that they start out capable of cruelly betraying someone they say they love. By the end of the story, we have no reason to believe that capacity isn't still there. Thus even if we believe that Ellen will never make another porno, we think she'll pull some new, equally devastating stunt on poor Mike.
Interesting, well thought out
I'm not that invested in your result, but like how you got there, and the exploration of feelings and impacts on emotions of acts of others and related consequences. Looking forward to more offerings from you, wherever they lead.
No Way
She should have been thrown to the curb just as any cheater and she could sit right next to my ex which I put her there for much less. This rekindle as it was is bullshit that would never work that way in the real world. She needed much more consequence for her actions. Fucking even only once would have been one time too many. Seems like this is a theme in your stories. Sorry it just doesn't work that way
5 for efort and for content
and for upsetting dear annony. Eat it annony, you asshole
Zehr Gut!
Excellent! 5*. The sex role twist was great. And to write for the Taliban BTB Nazis who contaminate this category with their knee-jerk hatred takes balls! Keep writing and working on your craft!
Thanks for lowering the glass ceiling another inch
What sexist garbage. Basically, you're telling the reader that life as a woman consists of three options - an underpaid dead-end job in the service industry, abandoning everything for prostitution and sex work or ending up barefoot and pregnant in some man's kitchen (just so long as he "makes good money") - and that's all your female lead character will ever aspire to. She is portrayed as indecisive, insecure and unable to decide what she wants. You're also very sex-negative. Your message seems to be that if you ever watch porn - let alone allow your spouse to do so - she will immediately leave you, basically ending your marriage in some catastrophic manner to move to LA to screw some porn star on-screen.
As much as you seem to want to post to Literotica (of all places) to decry the evils of pornography and sin, the rest of your story doesn't even make sense.
The porn appearance isn't an exit strategy from the call centre job if it's supposed to be a one-shot role that's over in at most a few weeks; all that resigning the day job, making one appearance on screen and then leaving LA would accomplish is to leave the character unemployed at the end of this.
The "communication" between the spouses also makes no sense. The whole point of her repeatedly telling him what she's going to do at each step should be to assess whether his comfort level is adequate to deal with this or whether he's jealous or possessive enough that damage control (whether it be setting clear limits, or abandoning the idea, or accepting that this will end the marriage) is done before leaving for LA. The "do what you want. i'm not sure if i'll be here when you return anyway. you have already cheated. not in the spur of the moment, but in a planned way. i don't think we still have a marriage left." message contains nothing that isn't already in all of the previous "communication" with this jealous man. If she ignored the issue before, why does it suddenly become 'priority' after it's all over? This is just more of the same, after all.
There are plenty of ways to write this so that she knocks the "have hot sex with cute porn star on-screen" fantasy off her bucket list, then decides it didn't meet her expectations and run home - even if the sex itself was pleasurable, as soon as it's over it's clear that Ramon is a sex worker, he doesn't want to fall in love with her and has immediately moved on to the next scene and the next scarlet, completely forgetting about her while she cries her eyes out. Maybe she gets cold feet about the reactions of friends and family back home once the video is published, maybe the porn directors try to crudely pressure her into various specific degrading sexual acts which are beyond her own comfort level. All kinds of opportunity to have the nascent porn starlet walk off stage in tears and never return (face it, these guys have a lot to learn about women) but this story misses all those possibilities and merely has her run back based on some piece of information that was something she already knew would happen - the marriage breakdown - and which isn't news to basically anyone.
I presume you're just trying to reverse the trope where a married man in a sexually unfulfilling relationship buys an hour with a lady of the night, has wild sex with her in every imaginable position, then at the 1:00:01 mark (when the session is over) insists that he wants to leave wifey to marry the female escort -- who is understandably dismayed and horrified because she never loved him, will never love him and is merely doing her job, professionally, with no expectation or desire to take this further and certainly with no intent to end her client's marriage. (Hopefully she talks him out of hit before he does something really stupid and loses both women.) Nonetheless, the story line just doesn't quite work.
The separation is contrived and implausible. If you want to end the relatiionship, end it. Don't waste time sulking which could be spent finding a new mate whom you could espouse once the divorce is final. The relationship is done. Gone. Deal with it. That's what adults do.
Ramon hiring a private investigator is creepy and stalkerish. Why would he do this? He's a sex worker, she's someone he's been with once as a single appearance as part of his job. As a professional, he knows that means nothing. Furthermore, the people in LA already have her contact info and know she is not coming back. To show up and grovel is merely pointless humiliation. He can find another mate, why waste time pursuing someone who is not interested and who is likely blaming him for an awkward marriage breakdown in which he only played a one-scene bit part?
She turns him down, so he asks her ex to intervene? That makes no sense at all. Her ex can't do anything, even if he wanted to, as he's already separated and awaiting divorce. If there is a grieving process before beginning the next relationship (like that of a widow or widower) all that can be done is wait that process out. At that point, she needs to forget about both of these guys and find someone who isn't a sex worker and who also doesn't intend to leave her barefoot and pregnant in a kitchen somewhere, spending the rest of her life agonising over whether she's attractive enough to keep her mate. Mike needs to get on with his life. Ramon needs to get on with his life. Ellen needs to get on with her life.
They all need to walk away from this trainwreck and think a few things through.
Reconciling in some contrived and ridiculous manner just for the sake of doing so only prolongs the misery. End it, please.
another
stupid female character and a pussy whipped male. TK
Note the comments from...
Anon 11/21/15. He makes good points up until he's talking about Ramon and the final reconciliation. Although stated condescendingly, the points would make the story better and more relatable.
I'm OK with how you handled Ramon, there are actually sad people like that out there. Ellen's epiphany comes out of nowhere, there's no stimulus to change her opinion. She apparently had some of the best sex of her life, and is so enamored and proud of the whole production she sends it to her husband. The same husband who's opinion she's discounted, and gives the only negative reaction. There needs to be an outside stimulus for her to 'get' that shooting porn might have been a bad idea.
I like your stories, but it frustrates me that they could be a lot better if executed properly.
Hoping to see more,
Threeson
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