by GforGraham
Keep up the good work. You have peaked my interest. Am going to add you to my favorites list on my phone. I hope that you continue with this story. Again great job.
Thanks for your efforts.
Wolfietl8969@hotmail.com
I like it. A little mystery on what the problem is. I can't wait to read the next two dozen chapters. 8-)
I enjoyed your writing style and content. I would like to see where the story goes.
I enjoyed this, new author (welcome to Lit, by the way) and I look forward to reading more. You write well -- thank you. Five stars.
Please continue - curious about what is wrong with John and why ejaculating caused him to wake up. John does seem a little too "good" as no one has a bad word to say about him, but no issues, as we do need more good people in the world. Not to be the grammar police, but fyi "Her and Linda had become friends....." should be "She and Linda had become friends....." “She” is a subjective pronoun while "her" is a possessive pronoun. That is, "Martha opened the door of her car" or "She opened the door of Martha's car."
It is written tongue in cheek. Please just read and go with the flow as it should be viewed as entertainment.
In a hospital, unconscious, and an erection that has persisted for nealy three days and the medical staff haven't picked upon that? Have they never seen all the TV ads for Viagra or Cialis??? Never heard TV the warnings on TV about an erection lasting over FOUR HOURS??
Sorry, but I can't suspend that much disbelief!
Not rating and stopping right here.
You succeeded in making your readers care about the characters. I don't think the issue of the long time erection is that big a deal but a little lampshading might help mollify skeptical readers. What I would like to see is a little more authenticating detail. For example, whe Janet pulled dinner from the freezer, what did she pull? What's the name of the hospital? This is your world, you get to decide these things. Using generic term feels uncertain.
BTW I believe the four hours erection limit has to do with oxygen. (I'm not a medical professional but I practice rope bondage and have studied it's associated risks) Without freshly oxygenated blood for four hours, cells start to die. Since the penis was growing it was obviously getting fresh blood.