And even tho it does work as a stand alone I would very much like you to make it a full blown story so I can see where they go from the first shock of meeting and realizing their mutual liking this f each other
Thanks for writing and submitting this!
by
Anonymous10/04/15
Great Start.
Nice work. I would continue the story line. There are many ways you can go. Maybe a little from the point of view of Josh?
I kind of want to see the story from Josh's perspective..how he sees Ashley but Ashley's POV is very nice and the inner thoughts are funny. I would love to read about their first date..will all that time crushing on each other be worth the wait? Would be interesting to see how much they have in common besides the physical attraction.
And if you do other chapters/stand alones, is there a chance that you don't mention Andrea? She's annoying and Josh will replace her in Ashley's life so she won't be needed as she was in this stand alone. Still wondering when my type of straight female friend will be h written into stories but whatever OEdward.
In regard to the comment below mine's..Ashley is a nerd but also seems to use that as an excuse..with Andrea and then possibly with Josh and/or, he is a law major and working on his dissertation which always requires a ton of research.
by
Anonymous10/04/15
fantastic
Please continue writing this ... Maybe even from both .p.o.v... An you really are doing a great job... No sex for now is awesome... Even if this is literotica... An they are young guys... Still... Let reality seep into the story... Everyone doesn't rush to sex.. Straight away.... Love making.. Is SO much better... And the guys have desired each other for over a year... Please keep going..
I think it's a good start but everything needs to be fleshed out and developed some more. I realize this is not only your first attempt, but also the potential first chapter, but with just a bit more development I think it can be a great story.
It works as story by itself, but I would love to see where it leads.
by
Anonymous10/04/15
You meant this as a stand alone? Why? It's clearly not finished, so tired of writers on this site only finishing stories if they get enough likes. What are you 12?
by
Anonymous10/04/15
Has potential
Ease up on the physicality, for a true relationship to happen they need to build a foundation on more than chemistry. They also need to be 3 dimensional not just the nerd, and the fittie. Never apologize for a chapter without sex, even on Literotica, it is a sign the story line is worthwhile. Looking forward to future chapters.
by
Anonymous10/04/15
Good! Keep going!
I think it has serious potential, good story line and cute setting in university in Englandd (woo england). Just one piece of advice? Ease up on the physical side, they've already kissed and touched and haven't even gone out! That's just not realistic. This guy is a nerd and he is suddenly letting his crush kiss and caress him after a conversation of about two minutes. Just no. Other than that definitely keep going your grammar is fine and the integration of the second day character worked well.
by
Anonymous10/04/15
Nooooooo
Cannot end there, i am stubborn not one for begging, please please continue.
I almost did not read this because you told us up front, NO SEX, I am glad that I read it. Please give us more chapters. This was a nice start, but no where near complete.
The story has great potential, I hope you keep writing and soon please.
by
Anonymous10/06/15
Good start
You are obviously laying the groundwork here. It is a good beginning! Josh sounds like a real catch, and I can just imagine when Ashley seems him stripped -- a bit of blondish hair for that muscular chest! Keep going!
by
Anonymous10/06/15
Keep writing! It's an interesting start!
by
Anonymous10/12/15
I need MORE
More please. I need to know what is going to happen next; as SOON as possible!
Lovely
This was lovely. But you should let it stand alone.
Write again. Write more. But this is quite perfect by itself.
i hope you continue...but hes going back to the library when he has nothing due the next day at 9pm?
I enjoyed this
And even tho it does work as a stand alone I would very much like you to make it a full blown story so I can see where they go from the first shock of meeting and realizing their mutual liking this f each other
Thanks for writing and submitting this!
Great Start.
Nice work. I would continue the story line. There are many ways you can go. Maybe a little from the point of view of Josh?
Definitely continue, duh!
I kind of want to see the story from Josh's perspective..how he sees Ashley but Ashley's POV is very nice and the inner thoughts are funny. I would love to read about their first date..will all that time crushing on each other be worth the wait? Would be interesting to see how much they have in common besides the physical attraction.
And if you do other chapters/stand alones, is there a chance that you don't mention Andrea? She's annoying and Josh will replace her in Ashley's life so she won't be needed as she was in this stand alone. Still wondering when my type of straight female friend will be h written into stories but whatever OEdward.
In regard to the comment below mine's..Ashley is a nerd but also seems to use that as an excuse..with Andrea and then possibly with Josh and/or, he is a law major and working on his dissertation which always requires a ton of research.
fantastic
Please continue writing this ... Maybe even from both .p.o.v... An you really are doing a great job... No sex for now is awesome... Even if this is literotica... An they are young guys... Still... Let reality seep into the story... Everyone doesn't rush to sex.. Straight away.... Love making.. Is SO much better... And the guys have desired each other for over a year... Please keep going..
Good, not great
I think it's a good start but everything needs to be fleshed out and developed some more. I realize this is not only your first attempt, but also the potential first chapter, but with just a bit more development I think it can be a great story.
Great Start
It works as story by itself, but I would love to see where it leads.
You meant this as a stand alone? Why? It's clearly not finished, so tired of writers on this site only finishing stories if they get enough likes. What are you 12?
Has potential
Ease up on the physicality, for a true relationship to happen they need to build a foundation on more than chemistry. They also need to be 3 dimensional not just the nerd, and the fittie. Never apologize for a chapter without sex, even on Literotica, it is a sign the story line is worthwhile. Looking forward to future chapters.
Good! Keep going!
I think it has serious potential, good story line and cute setting in university in Englandd (woo england). Just one piece of advice? Ease up on the physical side, they've already kissed and touched and haven't even gone out! That's just not realistic. This guy is a nerd and he is suddenly letting his crush kiss and caress him after a conversation of about two minutes. Just no. Other than that definitely keep going your grammar is fine and the integration of the second day character worked well.
Nooooooo
Cannot end there, i am stubborn not one for begging, please please continue.
great story telling
Cant wait for the next episode, love.
I want more
So good. Please continue. Please!
Keep going
Loved it, great start! I hope you continue, I' d love to see what happens next.
YES KEEP GOING
I almost did not read this because you told us up front, NO SEX, I am glad that I read it. Please give us more chapters. This was a nice start, but no where near complete.
Great start!
Keep going!
Yes, please keep going
The story has great potential, I hope you keep writing and soon please.
Good start
You are obviously laying the groundwork here. It is a good beginning! Josh sounds like a real catch, and I can just imagine when Ashley seems him stripped -- a bit of blondish hair for that muscular chest! Keep going!
Keep writing! It's an interesting start!
I need MORE
More please. I need to know what is going to happen next; as SOON as possible!
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