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Incredible
You definitely need to continue this! Awesome job!!
Like it a lot.
Particularly, that that you take the time to fully develop your main characters. I suspect you have outlined the whole story already. I hope that there are still quite a few chapters remaining since they are very short. It would be convenient if Rachel, for whatever reason, tells Jack she wants to "just be friends", thus opening a guilt free opportunity for him and Hitomi. They all win.
MORE PLEASE!!!
I love the way you're building these characters up. Need to read what happens next.
Yumm
This chick sounds hot! Too bad she's Asian. Seems unrealistic that she would have such body type... Since Asian girls are pretty slender. Write about a Latina and maybe then you've got a story!!!!
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