Groundhog Fuck Day 01

Potential

Very good so far, can't wait for it to get going

Wrong category

This story was more Sci-fi than Incest/Taboo.

Minor continuity point

If he didn't have enough money for the milk, how is he planning on paying for the bus

just starting

you have layed the groundwork and backstory to a story that can go in many directions but you have kept my interest that is the important thing I look forward to the next chapter

Good basis for a story you have here, I suspect each new chapter will be the same day but getting better for the main character every time? A very nice concept. Looking forward to seeing how it develops, how you will incorporate the incest aspect, and how the main character will react to his new life.

If this story was as catchy and deep as you want it to be, it would be a great read.

Unfortunately, it's not as catchy and deep as you want it to be. And it wasn't a great read. Sorry.

Sorry, but this was a really scrappy way to start a story.

If you were going somewhere with this, the first chapter was a turnoff.

nice start

to the guy who wrote about bus cost, there are free student bus passes for some areas in the US and you can pre buy monthly and yearly passes.

I'm liking where the story is going hope see more chapters.

Rushed and incomplete

Neither incest nor taboo, more sci-fi/horror, and far too short a chapter for a story like this, which needs a lot more character development and back-story/scene-setting.

As it is, it's rushed and disjointed, not particularly well written, not absorbing, and not really that interesting, as well as being far too short to be anything but a preface for a much longer, better paced story. If 5 pages of Word text or 3,600+ words (both of which equate to 1 page on Lit) is all you can manage before running out of steam, then I suggest you not continue, because I doubt people are prepared to sit panting in anticipation for a widely-spaced stream of single-page efforts that are as lacking as this first 'chapter'.

I suggest it would be better if you write, edit, and proof-read the entire story in one go and submit it as a single story, not a series of single-page stutters - there's no race to post first, no additional points for getting published fastest, and a quality, satisfying, considered read is preferable to a series of disjointed blinks, and generally much better received.

Wrong category

I am also a little disapponted about the shortness - but on the other hand, i am mostly disapponted, if a story goes over less than 4 lit-pages. What me really bothers is the category this promising beginning is sorted in, because i can't detect any hint, what the taboo will be. For the lack of erotic / sex i would consider it be more appropiate in "Non-Erotic". Since i rate a story also regarding the category, i can't do it for this, because then it would be at least 2 levels lower than deserved. I am curious for the next chapter(s).

so

honestly i didnt see a problem with this it seems most people are just upset because it isnt longer but besides that its alright not to much info is dumped on us and seems to flow pretty good. One thing is the character dialogues could be a bit better and stuff a little more descriptive but besides that seemed fine.

I enjoyed what was written so far, can see where the story is leading, however, I think another page or two would have been great. I look forward to reading the day 02.

Editor

Get yourself an editor, or at the very least someone to proof read your story. As for the story, I'll stay tuned in to see where it goes.

Descriptive

I'm getting interested at how the story will go, but can you please be a little more detailed in your words? If this is your first written story, then it was pretty good so far. Keep up the good work mate

WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST WATE MY TIME ON..

DO NOT WRITE ANOTHER FUCKING THING... GO BACK TO FUCKING YOUR HAIRY PALM..

interesting concept but you need an editor

you have a decent idea but the execution is wanting. What you should develop you skim over and what you do develop you could skim over. sentence structure is not good and that results in some confusion for the reader. Get an editor and listen to what they tell you. don't give up; the idea is sound.

to anon

obviously you didn't waste your time on learning to spell or proof reading. always funny how the assholes hide behind anonymous. (i should know i am one) but there's nothing "wrong" with the story, this is just an opener, I'll save judgement for a couple chapters in.

great concept, hope you will deliver

My title said it all! And by the way you are a fine writer, do not let the anonymous assholes ruin your day for some minor grammatical errors.

Interesting start,

When is chapter 2 coming out?!

Ok

I notice there isn't a chapter two. It's well written and title aside it could very well be a small chapter for an actual story. So far doesn't contain any erotic material, but the concept is nice and I hope you have a chamce to update

Good start

No question this is a good start, lots of potential, just wish it had been continued.

This story (currently) shows an average rating of 3.31 Stars. And I am AMAZED it's that high.

Horrible writing. Just HORRIBLE! And I see the sequel is well on it's way to following in Chapter One's footsteps. Horrible, horrible, horrible.

A start

Its a good start dude. but next time, get an editor and you need to have more content that doesnt just jump from one idea to the next. flow into it more