A Picnic to Remember

Not very well written!

I'm sorry but I lost track of your short story quite quickly. The characters were confusingly named and that also put me off somewhat.

Still it is a first time effort so please keep trying but may I suggest you read your story several times before posting it. Better still use an editor until you become more experienced and confident.

continue storie....

you will continue the storie!!!!!

Where's the incest?

Well. I watch my sister fuck but that still wasn't incest.

Didn't Like it much

Sorry dude but this story wasn't very well written........ Keep trying

Where is the incest???

" I ran into the woods and wanked my cock. "

Why the fuck could you not use your mother's pussy to get off?

What kind of sissy does that?

And where is the Incest in this story??>??

Aside from the points made in previous comments

"...a tight pink sleeveless kamiz and shalwar."? What the fuck are you talking about?

So, you picked "Vicky" out of a hat (or a fez, or whatever they wear where you're from). Deciding to name one of your characters "Vicky" doesn't change the obvious fact that English isn't your first language, and your grasp of it is shaky, at best. Can't you find an erotica site where you can write in your native language and leave sites like this for people who aren't named "Durka" or "Bimbab" or "Teetaka" or what the fuck ever?

Continue the story ???

No, please don't. But do learn from your mistakes.

What was that?

That was just terrible
Where was the incest?
Please dont write anymore

That was just....fucking terrible

Please don't write any more until you find a native English speaker who can show you how to express yourself so the rest of the English-speaking world can understand just what the hell you're burbling on about. Until then, write in your own language, please; you might as well, this gibberish was almost as unintelligible to the average English-speaking person. 1 star for being so clueless.

wtf was this

This story was terrible and like was said where was the incest if you are going to write a story about incest make sure there is incest in it just to let you know incest is where you have sex with someone you are related too plus it is a story about betrayal she knew damn well what was going to happen so why in hell did she invite him along that and you had a lot of errors in this you have no damn business writing stories do us all favor and don't write another this story was more voyor than anything either way it sucked and not even worth 1 star

Decent

Please don't pay too much attention to the naysayers. Your English is certainly readable. It has a bit of a "foreign accent," which adds an exotic flavor to the story. It should perhaps have been posted under "voyeur" rather than "incest."

Should be in MATURE category or VOYEUR

It is your first story, I will not vote, but you have to explain what the hell is KAMIZ and other things for guys outside India or Pakistan.

Total rubbish. Get some english lessons in writing. Its an insult to all the good writers on this site. No stars.

Imagiantive story...but the comments from the high school rejects/losers are really off putting

OK IDIOTS.. for all of you whining, crying and complaining like little girls about the writer's inability to grasp the English language you need to take a step back and consider the following: Can I do better? Can I write better? Have I posted any stories on literotica? Why am I constantly harping on writers of literotica when I have not written a single story and allowed others to comment on my stories or inability to use English properly?

If you guys want me to tutor you on how to be better person (you know not being an asshole or a loser) or to brush up your English skills I am available.

Guys you have all been schooled. Who's next?

I really loved the story..I wonder if the mom knew that her son was watching....