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Trick or Treat or Spanking

bytimtrack©
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Comments (3)
by Anonymous

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by Anonymous10/20/15

Great idea, cold delivery

The premise was fun and interesting, however, the narrative style was too cold and detached. No dialogues, no careful descriptions, no sensations, no inner dialogues, no sex scenes or orgasms.
If I may suggest, please take the time to rewrite this story and weave in all the missing layers, it will be hard work, but it will feel like a new story.

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by Anonymous10/20/15

Interesting rough draft

I agree with 'Great idea, cold delivery'. This is more of a plot summary than a story. Its a good plot and a good summary, but still...

In any case, thanks for writing it and sharing it with us.

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by raunchyResa10/23/15

I agree

I totally agree with the 2 previous comments.

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