Becky's Marine Ch. 01

good start

good start but should of been longer . two pages or three. not much to
rate you on. just back ground info. so far

More than expected

Enjoyed the first page and looking forward to reading the rest of the story.

Nicely done

Really well written, you make us really feel with Andrew 5/5 can't wait for the next installment

Waiting to hear more

sounds like someone that writes from real experience. Tell more of your story.

Motordaddy

Yes, some of this is from experience. Several of the coming dream sequences are based on actual events, tho names have been changed to protect the... Not so innocent. Some of the refinery parts are also based on actual experience.

More is coming, I have to do some editing and whatnot, but its coming

not impressed

With the cutting of the fence bit. A take what I want attitude towards others property.

I'd change the Becky kissing on the stranger part and go into a good reason to cut the fence. If it was private property then it was a dick play. More detail on how you made the guy cry. Maybe Becky had her top torn off. Lighten up the PTSD a bit and flesh out the characters...like what does Andy do exactly? Maybe have Becky show a bit more than her ass, like maybe wearing a skirt and a thong or wet panties...that kind of thing...Semper Fi.

Spell check

Your spelling is in need of work!
Please know that it's You're for you are, and also it's not UR for you are!

remarkably unaware woman

emotionally troubled guy with little or no regard to property rights with PTSD given as the root cause of his social ineptitude. All part of a disjointed group of disrespectful misfits.
not a strong beginning.

I see this is a developed story

I rarely read multi chapter stories, I read too slow. But having run out I decided to read the story. 3*'s for this one only for the extreme disrespect of cutting fences. Hry the guy is 28??? and still acts like a 16 year old??? THAT IS NOT A MARINE! Yeah I said it author...