It was a surprise in that its not your typical cheat/ cheat with permission story but it was truly great in that it showed a couple learning to spice things up together. I like reading them all but i really enjoyed this one. Hope you write more soon!
nice first story. a little predictable, but it was still enjoyable. keep writing i liked how this went.
by
Anonymous10/22/15
"I wring the doorbell"
Did you get any juice out of the doorbell when you wrung it? That was just one of many mistakes in your story. I agree with the others who suggested you get an editor or proofreader.
I enjoyed the story, but all the errors ruined it for me.
I won't start on the many mistakes in spelling and grammar others have pointed out.
by
Anonymous10/22/15
A little friendly advice
When writing dialogue, the general rule is that when the character speaking changes, start a new paragraph. In addition, it's best not to mix narrative and dialogue in the same paragraph. The exception is the text that indicates who is talking. This is considered part of the same sentence.
I'll give you an example.
My phone beeps again and my wife said, "I'm here now, Johns done with us, he is a horse, see if you can find me." Ha she is funny tonight and has me feeling sexed up and eager to play her game. "I will find you, but first I think I'm going to take your friend Lexxa upstairs and fuck her in one of the bedrooms, she keeps staring at me." "Dare you." Was her response,
My phone beeped again and my wife said, "I'm here now. John's done with us. He is a hors. See if you can find me."
Ha she is funny tonight and has me feeling sexed up and eager to play her game.
"I will find you, but first I think I'm going to take your friend Lexxa upstairs and fuck her in one of the bedrooms. She keeps staring at me."
"Dare you," was her response.
The plot was good, but as others noted, you need an editor.
by
Anonymous10/22/15
IT's "Rang the door bell" for past tense wring the door bell is describing a current action. Past tense seems to kill more writers on here than anything else.
But they don't have to be, and almost never are, all in the same story. This was not just cute, but arousing. Of all the things wives do to their husbands in this LW category, this is one of the few I wish my wife would do to me! Beautiful.
And for those who just want sluts and whores and cheating, isn't your wife home from work yet? Oh, working late, again? Just wait, she's just waiting for the right time to tell you that she is and has been what you say you want. Hope you enjoy it. Maybe she'll let you watch.
I'll take the wife fucking my brains out myself. Different strokes I guess.
To fuck in someone else's bed and talk shit about it. Not cool at all.
by
Anonymous10/23/15
I enjoyed it even if it wasn't the usual stull I jerk off to.
by
Anonymous10/23/15
3*s
Pleasant enough story . Not really about husband and wife. The conflict was between her and co-worker Jill . Fucking on another woman's new bed is a real female way of fighting,lol .
This feud would make a great 2nd chapter, or new story .
Thanks for the effort.
This was a pretty good story. For me it was good enough to wonder if you could see your way through to writing some sort of sequel, or perhaps even another chapter. Some sort of follow-up story for it. Thank you for this story. It was quite entertaining to read.
He definitely re-inforced her level of trust in him. A very nicely balanced story, and a treat to read. And it was nice to see her turned on more than he was used to. Are they opening a new chapter in their love life?
English
surprising.
It was a surprise in that its not your typical cheat/ cheat with permission story but it was truly great in that it showed a couple learning to spice things up together. I like reading them all but i really enjoyed this one. Hope you write more soon!
Nice
A faithful wife playing with her husband on Halloween. It doesn't get any better.
sorry i dont care for wives that pretend they are fucking someone else
2*
Sounds like anon is jealous
Sometimes dressing up and playing games with someone you care for is fun..Besides this is a Halloween story :) loved it
A good halloween story...
A good halloween story...But he was a calm guy, or he could have taken another way with the trick...All is well when ends well...3*
Nice
Just wish it was longer.
It shows that a couple can be faithful and erotic
"Wring" the doorbell?
make sure "are" kids went to sleep? Draw your own conclusions.
Question
He was focused on the blond nurse yet he didn't see her texting/emailing at the same time his wife was texting/emailing him?
Geez get an editor
Then get a decent story line and write something a teenager wouldn't write.
GEEZZ
How about you writing something and let is be your editor.
Those that can do, those who cant complain
4 *
nice first story. a little predictable, but it was still enjoyable. keep writing i liked how this went.
"I wring the doorbell"
Did you get any juice out of the doorbell when you wrung it? That was just one of many mistakes in your story. I agree with the others who suggested you get an editor or proofreader.
I enjoyed the story, but all the errors ruined it for me.
nice story
An actual loving wife story. Certainly worth 4 stars.
Loving Wives
LW = Cheating and swinging.
Try romantic or erotic next time for this crap 1*
I won't start on the many mistakes in spelling and grammar others have pointed out.
A little friendly advice
When writing dialogue, the general rule is that when the character speaking changes, start a new paragraph. In addition, it's best not to mix narrative and dialogue in the same paragraph. The exception is the text that indicates who is talking. This is considered part of the same sentence.
I'll give you an example.
My phone beeps again and my wife said, "I'm here now, Johns done with us, he is a horse, see if you can find me." Ha she is funny tonight and has me feeling sexed up and eager to play her game. "I will find you, but first I think I'm going to take your friend Lexxa upstairs and fuck her in one of the bedrooms, she keeps staring at me." "Dare you." Was her response,
My phone beeped again and my wife said, "I'm here now. John's done with us. He is a hors. See if you can find me."
Ha she is funny tonight and has me feeling sexed up and eager to play her game.
"I will find you, but first I think I'm going to take your friend Lexxa upstairs and fuck her in one of the bedrooms. She keeps staring at me."
"Dare you," was her response.
The plot was good, but as others noted, you need an editor.
IT's "Rang the door bell" for past tense wring the door bell is describing a current action. Past tense seems to kill more writers on here than anything else.
Loving Wives equals love, sex, drama, betrayal, retribution, humiliation, reconciliation, and everything else involving wives.
But they don't have to be, and almost never are, all in the same story. This was not just cute, but arousing. Of all the things wives do to their husbands in this LW category, this is one of the few I wish my wife would do to me! Beautiful.
And for those who just want sluts and whores and cheating, isn't your wife home from work yet? Oh, working late, again? Just wait, she's just waiting for the right time to tell you that she is and has been what you say you want. Hope you enjoy it. Maybe she'll let you watch.
I'll take the wife fucking my brains out myself. Different strokes I guess.
Great Story
Great Story. Thank you for sharing it with us. Please keep writing and we'll keep reading!
Rather boring and not very erotic
But at least you kept the Morality Police happy! A guy fucks his own wife! How surprising! Never expected that to happen!
A Little Mean Spirited**
To fuck in someone else's bed and talk shit about it. Not cool at all.
I enjoyed it even if it wasn't the usual stull I jerk off to.
3*s
Pleasant enough story . Not really about husband and wife. The conflict was between her and co-worker Jill . Fucking on another woman's new bed is a real female way of fighting,lol .
This feud would make a great 2nd chapter, or new story .
Thanks for the effort.
AMerryman
4 Stars
This was a pretty good story. For me it was good enough to wonder if you could see your way through to writing some sort of sequel, or perhaps even another chapter. Some sort of follow-up story for it. Thank you for this story. It was quite entertaining to read.
Trust
He definitely re-inforced her level of trust in him. A very nicely balanced story, and a treat to read. And it was nice to see her turned on more than he was used to. Are they opening a new chapter in their love life?
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