Orgies with unprotected sex...uh...can we spell STD's up to and including aids? This is written as a stroke story with tons of sex and an ounce of actual story. Ok if that is what you're looking for.
Just muck, bad storyline, improbable actions, impossible action faults, bad spelling, stupid characters.
I wish I could give less then 1...
by
Anonymous11/10/15
keep goin
Add parts and maybe start a relationship with on or both please. Good so far. F the haters and grammar nazis.
by
Anonymous11/13/15
More Content
Your story is HOT, almost VOLCANIC, but it needs to be longer & less hurried! Delft doesn't appreciate a 1st timer author, but you have true promise. Keep up the good ideas, add some lead in, sensuality, & you will have better scores. Liked the big cock & deep-throat parts, a little anal would take it over the top for many readers.
1st time, Well Done!
by
Anonymous11/15/15
Other Commenters
kjohns2001 needs to get a life!!! THIS IS FICTION!!! If your miniscule mind can't grasp
FICTION, then you don;t need to be on FICTION WEB SITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
by
Anonymous12/14/15
Trash
A pre-pubescent masterpiece. A true child's eye view of erotica. Stunningly stupid and totally removed from any semblance of possibility. Please kill yourself before you subject the public to any more of this drivel.
English
mmm
This was so fucking hot i wished it was longer. Please write more!
Mistakes
I thought I could read past them but just too many. Also at one point you had abby fucking her brother when it was indeed brit.
This needs an editor!
There's just too many errors to enjoy the otherwise good scenario...
AGREE WITH TWO CRITICS TO YOUR WORK
This was a not piece but it lost a lot of momentum do to poor editing, and longer would be nice.
Thought for it incest i would of had him fuck hes sisters ass instead.
"baby paste"
FFS
Orgies, unprotected sex........
Orgies with unprotected sex...uh...can we spell STD's up to and including aids? This is written as a stroke story with tons of sex and an ounce of actual story. Ok if that is what you're looking for.
Muck
Just muck, bad storyline, improbable actions, impossible action faults, bad spelling, stupid characters.
I wish I could give less then 1...
keep goin
Add parts and maybe start a relationship with on or both please. Good so far. F the haters and grammar nazis.
More Content
Your story is HOT, almost VOLCANIC, but it needs to be longer & less hurried! Delft doesn't appreciate a 1st timer author, but you have true promise. Keep up the good ideas, add some lead in, sensuality, & you will have better scores. Liked the big cock & deep-throat parts, a little anal would take it over the top for many readers.
1st time, Well Done!
Other Commenters
kjohns2001 needs to get a life!!! THIS IS FICTION!!! If your miniscule mind can't grasp
FICTION, then you don;t need to be on FICTION WEB SITES!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Trash
A pre-pubescent masterpiece. A true child's eye view of erotica. Stunningly stupid and totally removed from any semblance of possibility. Please kill yourself before you subject the public to any more of this drivel.
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