You were able to show many things in this short story, a whole range of emotions. Curiosity, doubt, jealousy and also physical pain all made better by Grandma Shaffer's quilt.
Not explicit enough. Write down in quotations the dirty talk/banter between Brother and Sister doing something taboo. I was told the stories are free, so I'm not supposed to rant anymore. lol When a person begins to write a story: Let the characters tell the story and put it to paper. One word. Dialogue
Some might call it rape, but if so, who raped who? Both Connie and Dylan are hurting, confused about the morality of what they did, but who really hurt who? They did what they were biologically meant to do, and only the laws of man say it was wrong. When his push comes to her shove, they should be proud to have given each other such wonderful feelings of completion. But the priests and chiefs say they did something wrong. Damn the priests and chiefs!!.
This was an excellent start to a story line that has a lot of potential. Using the letter and her diary as a tool to tell the story was an interesting approach as it allowed you to bring fourth the character's deepest thoughts . But, for the next chapter you're going to need face to face interaction and dialogue. I would continue to use the diary though, just not as the primary method of telling story. Again, these tools can be used to tell us the deepest darkest thoughts that they cannot expose to each other, or to the rest of the world. Great first effort.
by
Anonymous11/01/15
bob the builder the lego mighty
great build up. please continue ... beep beep ..
by
Anonymous11/02/15
A warm story with a great build up. Hopefully, Dylan left a letter besides the "i'm sorry one", so Connie can read it over and over. Maybe, Connie will realize that he didn't want to say goodbye because he was going into the army / dangerous places. They can both fix things when he comes back from basic before he is shipped out to his first assignment ?? Please keep writing. Thanks !!
English
:-)
Niiiice
Excellent
Great job!
You captured all of the emotions, and still made the sex exciting!
Thank you!
Good stuff
Great story. It begs for a sequel or 2 or 3 or 4....... Keep it up. Short, sweet, believable, and scintillating.
Keep going
You were able to show many things in this short story, a whole range of emotions. Curiosity, doubt, jealousy and also physical pain all made better by Grandma Shaffer's quilt.
Must be Continued
Great story. It calls for more chapters. Thanks
Meh.
Not explicit enough. Write down in quotations the dirty talk/banter between Brother and Sister doing something taboo. I was told the stories are free, so I'm not supposed to rant anymore. lol When a person begins to write a story: Let the characters tell the story and put it to paper. One word. Dialogue
Moeal Confusion
Some might call it rape, but if so, who raped who? Both Connie and Dylan are hurting, confused about the morality of what they did, but who really hurt who? They did what they were biologically meant to do, and only the laws of man say it was wrong. When his push comes to her shove, they should be proud to have given each other such wonderful feelings of completion. But the priests and chiefs say they did something wrong. Damn the priests and chiefs!!.
A good start
This was an excellent start to a story line that has a lot of potential. Using the letter and her diary as a tool to tell the story was an interesting approach as it allowed you to bring fourth the character's deepest thoughts . But, for the next chapter you're going to need face to face interaction and dialogue. I would continue to use the diary though, just not as the primary method of telling story. Again, these tools can be used to tell us the deepest darkest thoughts that they cannot expose to each other, or to the rest of the world. Great first effort.
bob the builder the lego mighty
great build up. please continue ... beep beep ..
A warm story with a great build up. Hopefully, Dylan left a letter besides the "i'm sorry one", so Connie can read it over and over. Maybe, Connie will realize that he didn't want to say goodbye because he was going into the army / dangerous places. They can both fix things when he comes back from basic before he is shipped out to his first assignment ?? Please keep writing. Thanks !!
A Part 2
You should write a part 2 where Connie send's him her diary, or at least those last 2 or 3 entries...
Connie..?
are you there Connie.. ? Please tell us what happens/ed next.. Can we see more of your diary .. please..
Need more!!!
please update love the story so far!!!!
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