Not that bad for a 1st, though some things could use improvements. Tags are the start (why are there sister & brother tags?), more backstory and broadening of the setting wouldn't hurt, more dialog to make it more believable, disruptions are always welcome and do not rush the progression.
Still it was enjoyable, a tad bit short but sweet.
by
Anonymous11/04/15
Nothing to get excited about
I agree with 'captain Fapulus entirely. Nothing in the story to really hold my attention, but as it was short it was readable.
In any further stories it would pay to have more information about the characters, more background with the plot and more descriptive sex.
Dialogue helps a lot with the above
by
Anonymous11/04/15
Rubbish
No way would he pull out if it was is 1st time rember this is story land not real life
This was a good first story. It was fun and fast paced which helped keep the readers attention.
by
Anonymous11/09/15
Nice Little Effort
Hot little vignette! Don't mind the griping to follow: "Dancing" may not go down in the Erotica Hall of Fame, but it was nicely written and plenty sexy. If you're interested in doing even better, next tyme: This may be a variation on other comments, but the sex/pay-off is generally more erotic with more tension/build-up. (A shortcoming of incest fic., in general, I feel, is that few writers pay more than the most nominal attention to the basic taboo nature of the act which ought to give the characters at least a little pause and is, after all, the reason incest is a category at all.) I like more detailed/graphic description of the sex, but that may be more a personal preference.
English
Not bad for a 1st
Not that bad for a 1st, though some things could use improvements. Tags are the start (why are there sister & brother tags?), more backstory and broadening of the setting wouldn't hurt, more dialog to make it more believable, disruptions are always welcome and do not rush the progression.
Still it was enjoyable, a tad bit short but sweet.
Nothing to get excited about
I agree with 'captain Fapulus entirely. Nothing in the story to really hold my attention, but as it was short it was readable.
In any further stories it would pay to have more information about the characters, more background with the plot and more descriptive sex.
Dialogue helps a lot with the above
Rubbish
No way would he pull out if it was is 1st time rember this is story land not real life
Good story
This was a good first story. It was fun and fast paced which helped keep the readers attention.
Nice Little Effort
Hot little vignette! Don't mind the griping to follow: "Dancing" may not go down in the Erotica Hall of Fame, but it was nicely written and plenty sexy. If you're interested in doing even better, next tyme: This may be a variation on other comments, but the sex/pay-off is generally more erotic with more tension/build-up. (A shortcoming of incest fic., in general, I feel, is that few writers pay more than the most nominal attention to the basic taboo nature of the act which ought to give the characters at least a little pause and is, after all, the reason incest is a category at all.) I like more detailed/graphic description of the sex, but that may be more a personal preference.
B.S.
It was a good first story. Keep up the good work
Good first story !
Looking forward to more from you !
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