I call these types of postings 'episodes' or 'vignettes' or even 'scenes from a story'. They're not stories.
As a stand-alone scene or vignette of a sexual/erotic encounter, it's OK. But there are two issues to resolve if this is to be a proper story. First, is motivation, especially for Brynn. In the lead-up she's tired, wants alone time with Mark, and more than anything else wants Wyatt gone. Then, almost literally from one sentence to the next she's inviting Wyatt into a three-some. It's just inconsistent. For the sake of the vignette, she should have shown at least a trace of interest earlier in the story.
The second problem with plot is that it seems to be alcohol-driven for no good reason. It's a common device used by writers (on this site) to get their protagonists into the sexual encounter. Who knows? This might be the reality they know. But it would make the interaction more charged (the sex scene as such is OK) if there had been a better motivation. A morose Wyatt, for example, for whom Brynn might feel some sympathy early on ..
by
Anonymous11/07/15
Brynn's Motivation
There's an implication from near the beginning that Brynn is primed to have sex with her boyfriend that night, so she is "in the mood."
When she moans as Mark rubs her shoulders and back, he says, "Save those for later." Also, Brynn is not averse to alcohol. In the first paragraph, she notes to herself that the cabin's bar is fully stocked, "thank goodness."
When she first gets into the hot tub and thinks it's Mark, she rubs her leg against his body, presumably as foreplay. When she sees that it's Wyatt, she's shocked, but she also notes to herself, "...the contact of Wyatt against her skin still made her leg tingle. What was up with that?"
And finally, she is clearly impressed by Wyatt's body, and his cock. Although the writer doesn't explicitly say that she is aroused, and that Wyatt is now adding to her arousal, I think there is a clear implication that this is the case.
I agree with the comment that the transition in this story could have been slightly better done. One of your other stories, 'The awkward date', has the same plot line but the transition is much smoother, more consistent. Freya doesn't suddenly start acting against setup. She's hungry and in control from the start.
English
an episode
I call these types of postings 'episodes' or 'vignettes' or even 'scenes from a story'. They're not stories.
As a stand-alone scene or vignette of a sexual/erotic encounter, it's OK. But there are two issues to resolve if this is to be a proper story. First, is motivation, especially for Brynn. In the lead-up she's tired, wants alone time with Mark, and more than anything else wants Wyatt gone. Then, almost literally from one sentence to the next she's inviting Wyatt into a three-some. It's just inconsistent. For the sake of the vignette, she should have shown at least a trace of interest earlier in the story.
The second problem with plot is that it seems to be alcohol-driven for no good reason. It's a common device used by writers (on this site) to get their protagonists into the sexual encounter. Who knows? This might be the reality they know. But it would make the interaction more charged (the sex scene as such is OK) if there had been a better motivation. A morose Wyatt, for example, for whom Brynn might feel some sympathy early on ..
Brynn's Motivation
There's an implication from near the beginning that Brynn is primed to have sex with her boyfriend that night, so she is "in the mood."
When she moans as Mark rubs her shoulders and back, he says, "Save those for later." Also, Brynn is not averse to alcohol. In the first paragraph, she notes to herself that the cabin's bar is fully stocked, "thank goodness."
When she first gets into the hot tub and thinks it's Mark, she rubs her leg against his body, presumably as foreplay. When she sees that it's Wyatt, she's shocked, but she also notes to herself, "...the contact of Wyatt against her skin still made her leg tingle. What was up with that?"
And finally, she is clearly impressed by Wyatt's body, and his cock. Although the writer doesn't explicitly say that she is aroused, and that Wyatt is now adding to her arousal, I think there is a clear implication that this is the case.
sexy encounter
I agree with the comment that the transition in this story could have been slightly better done. One of your other stories, 'The awkward date', has the same plot line but the transition is much smoother, more consistent. Freya doesn't suddenly start acting against setup. She's hungry and in control from the start.
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