Page Ch. 01

A very good start.

I like it. You've piqued my curiosity, lol. I'm still waiting on the additional chapters to your other stories, ALL OF THEM. Good job so far. 5*'s.

Great start!

Love the story so far and hope you continue with more chapters. Hopefully we find out more about Page and her -Story. I think the brother should start working out or something because he's going to need his energy to keep up with an 18 year old nympho like Page. I have no clue where someone could get that kind of cash from unless they robbed a bank or something. Page would have to be a drug king pen to make that kind of money.

Interesting.

Very good story. Interesting and does indeed have me wondering what happens next. Please do continue.

Well done!

Very well written and presented. Keep it going.....

Fantastic

Great story! Loved the intrigue as the story unfolded. Can't wait for the next chapter :-)

Good story

Next chapter please

A Sweet Stirring Tale...

I am indeed looking forward to the next installment of this story.

great

Loved it

I hope he is more aware

when awake.
to not recognize her, or respond when she calls him by name, and immediately go back to sleep afterwards is not credible.

I will not make any political jokes because they would be too easy.

solid

Good story so far I hope to read part two very soon

hmmm

Just "Hmmm"

More

Waiting for part 2 or 3 to explain why she left and where the money came from.

Very well written

More please.

Need More.

Very good story, but it needs a lot more. It stopped way too soon. Why is she there? What happened? Why did she change so much? Where did the money come from?

More please.

I need to know what is going on with Page. I have a question though. If there were mainly stacks of hundreds in her bag, how does it equal only $500?

Hurry....

For God's sake....hurry up you two and finish the Page story....sheeeesh!

More

Great story now were is part 2 ?

Hate endings like that

really see turns up with a shit load of money but wont tell him anything & really he thinks its a "dream"fucking her
So please finish the story ASAP

Please keep this story going

finish it up will u

Really liked the story now finish the story and end this fu**** suspense. And I mean it. It might be a good movie if the last part turns out right. And worry if its a movie the writer gets credit. (if the writer wants) now finish the story.

There were no $'s in the text.

All but one of us know "stack" means thousands. Even a banded stack of 20s is $500 if memory serves. We all accepted that "500" meant $500,000. Even in DC. Two people can live comfortably on half a million bucks. Perhaps the story should have been illustrated. See little sister put stacks of money on the table and tell big brother, "Don't worry. I've got us covered."

Money

A 100 Dollar Bill weighs about a gram. A stack of 100 is about 3/4 of an inch thick. Half a million dollars in hundreds would weigh about 11 pounds. There were some stacks of 50s and 20s too, so the weight might have been 15 pounds.

i really liked the dream confusion state...
describe the intimacy more...
keep up the good work

Short but hot, like Page!

This would be perfect for a drama series, so I hope there is more to it! It's the shortest story I've seen from you two, but I found it exciting. I have to echo the fact that the dream scene very erotic and that I'm awaiting continuations on ALL your stories. Thanks for all of the stories.

Nice first instalment

Absolutely needs more chapters, the way this starts it could be turned into a novel of great interest.

Page

This story is incomprehensible. There is nothing to tell u what is going on even after 2 chapters.

Compared to your other work, this is a mess

I really do like your other work, like Unwitting Discovery and Unintended Consequences, but my goodness, this is a total mess. Decide on a tense and stick to it. Now, past tense and present tense are mixed randomly, and that means no proper proofreading.

Ever notice that very few stories feature smoking? It's because most people don't smoke and the majority of those that don't find it disgusting. For some (like me) somebody smoking means almost suffocating. It's a total turnoff. You won't lose any audience by the characters not smoking.

Such a short story is difficult to compare to your other work, but when it comes to actual storytelling, again I feel it falls short. This is not comparing it to some abstract personal ideal of mine: it's comparing it to your own work from the past.

All in all, it feels rushed and I think you did yourselves a disservice by publishing it.

Loved it.

Compared to Thanksgivings, this is very different, but quite enjoyable. The story plot and pace are much faster. I really like the smoke pointing towards the likelihood that it was her and not a dream. Hope you continue this.

finish your other great stories

quit messing around, and finish off your other stories. We are your fans, awaiting.
thanks....your efforts, imagination, and talents are really appreciated.

Stories

We are working on them, we promise; we simply don't want to release until we've got them right. We're stuck on a few things and Page is helping us through the blockage.
-MM

IF he believed his physical encounter with Page was a dream

and he had not taken Ambien, I hope there is never a home invasion or fire while he is sleeping. Otherwise it is an intriguing start.

Extensive updates

This chapter has been updated extensively and we are working on completing chapters 5 & 6. -MM

read it 5* 'd it

I usually say something very complimentary for a sterling story like this
Can't be bothered with that now because I'm dying to find out what happens in chapter 2.

Full marks * * * * *

Editor's note

Page Ch.01 is the setup for the rest of the story ... I have just finished going through it and editing it for MindsMirror ... I also went through and read all 33 comments on this chapter and would like to address a couple of them, but won't name the people.

One person said that there should be more details for the intimacy in this chapter, but if there was more detail, then it would lose the dream-like quality that it has.

Another person said that they should pick a tense and stick with it ... well they did ... it is written in present-tense but also has parts in it where Ryan is thinking back on things and goes to past-tense. This is absolutely fine as it is clear when that is happening.

Thank you all for reading MindsMirror's story and hope you all enjoy the series as a whole.