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Excellent!
Fantastic mind control story! More please!
Unbelievable.
I liked the part where Shannon was raped. She should get knocked up as ultimate revenge.The story was to hoky.
Justice is served....
My Gwad, this story was interesting with all those twists!!
I want to read more about Shannon's humiliation, SHE DESERVES IT!!
Justice
We were left right until the end to wonder where the "Mind Control" aspect of the story would come in. The story was well told and interesting - your inventiveness needs to be commended.
Really Good
An excellent story of vengence on a bitch who really deserved it, it's well written with enough twists and turns to totally surprise the reader. Great work but I wish you could have set more stuff to make the mind control more believeable but otherwise definately an excellent piece of writting
Cock hardening
Excellent story showing how satisfying revenge can be. The humiliation of those who deserve it, including Jane is arousing to say the least. I would love to read more stories along this line, especially with explicit sex scenes in there.
Fun but...
This was pretty good. I enjoyed it uptil the end of the story. Your hypnosis solution was a bit too rushed and pat, and frankly, it sort of comes out of the blue. It really could use a bit better lead in and fleshing out to make the story gel better.
Otherwise, quite entertaining.
Wow
I usually read 20/30 stories a day and found yours to be one of the better ones to read.Please keep on writing and I will keep on reading.
Good for you, Alien...
I liked the way it turned out, it serves them right. Thank you.
Well, I liked it.
I am for feminists as long as they just want what is fair. Any more and I don't like their agenda. Fair is fair. I thought this story came out pretty good.
Really?
Okay, so a fantasy story is going to have certain built in conceits that have to be accepted, but this story is built around such a ridiculous premise it isn't even funny. First off, a detective looking into a charge of shoplifting? Unless Shannon is a serial shoplifter with a well established history or tried to steal something of extreme value, a shoplifting charge is a misdemeanor offense. Second, rape and sodomy? Was this story written before the days of forensic science? Even without DNA testing, the lack of defensive wounds or presence of seminal fluids would have this accusation dismissed almost immediately with no charges filed, personal history or not. Third, how long did she stay in jail? Bonding out for a shoplifting offense is easy. The accused probably wouldn't even make it as far as being processed into a cell beyond the initial holding cell. Fourth, a coke bottle? Where would she get a coke bottle in jail? Glass can be used in suicide or homicide attempts and in US jails any item that can easily be made into a weapon is contraband.
I could go on and on about the glaring errors that make this stroy such a poor read, but I'm sure you get the picture. Now, since this author hasn't posted anything in nearly a decade this critique likely is meaningless, but if anyone reading this is thinking of submitting a story, maybe the message of research and common sense will help in crafting a better tale.
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