Very HOT start to a long weekend......... nice bods on all 3 and of course James being so young; can do what he never let himself do until now in his life. Let the girls teach him and let the 3 way action continue. Rose can get to experience what she's always wanted and so can Paige; but not all the same kind of things. Maybe, Rose and Paige will stay with him beyond the weekend. Very nice Thanks.
four from me, it would have worked without the cancer
by
Anonymous11/17/15
Check your details.
Does he have 8 inches or 9? His dick length changed in the middle of the story. If you add a second chapter, slow your story down and make your writing sound less like a 15 year old. It's a good premise, but the whole cancer thing is ridiculous. After 9 months of treatment he would have no hair and have lost most of his muscle definition.
English
so does dear annnoy (suck that is)
5 for effort and content.
Very HOT start to a long weekend......... nice bods on all 3 and of course James being so young; can do what he never let himself do until now in his life. Let the girls teach him and let the 3 way action continue. Rose can get to experience what she's always wanted and so can Paige; but not all the same kind of things. Maybe, Rose and Paige will stay with him beyond the weekend. Very nice Thanks.
Not
Too bad, a little fast, could have used some more background of him and Rose and him popping he cherry.
By the way Bonnie you got a smoking hot body
Feedback
This is my first erotic story ever written. Good or bad let me know what you think, especially what could have been improved.
Nice one.
four from me, it would have worked without the cancer
Check your details.
Does he have 8 inches or 9? His dick length changed in the middle of the story. If you add a second chapter, slow your story down and make your writing sound less like a 15 year old. It's a good premise, but the whole cancer thing is ridiculous. After 9 months of treatment he would have no hair and have lost most of his muscle definition.
Great Start
Great start. I give it 5 stars. Waiting for next chapter. Thanks
Click here to leave your own comment on this submission! or
Back to City of Brotherly Love or
More submissions by Longneckdjb.