All Comments on 'Run Away Orgasm'

Fans of this story will love another one like it, but with a bit more teasing.

http://www.literotica.com/stories/showstory.php?id=117149

You got a great story... BUT if it was a sandwich,it would be MAYO,& fixings (lettuce,tomatoe,etc...),You need to add some Meat & cheese...Describe their sweet bodies,...small white,orange size breast with puffy marashmallow aerolas, 'N cherry like nipples...,BUT great story.

hi, i jus read you story and jus had to touch myself to, i am 17 and the thought of my sister doing what the girls in the story did turned me on.

Poor grammar unfortunately ruined what otherwise could have been a good story. Too many repeats of the same word/s within the sentence was also a killer for me. On top of which there was no mood or atmosphere created. What did the room look like? What were the girls wearing (including underwear if they had any on and if they didn't then say so)? Describe their measurements (including cup-size) What did the girls look like? How old were they? Did they have pubic hair or not? The list of questions that I could type here in order to make the story better is too great for me to continue right now.

When writing a story you ALWAYS remember the 5 'W's (the same goes for acting - after all, its only another form of story telling.)

The 5 'W's are:

Who? Ok you covered that just about but you still need to be much more descriptive of them. (Look to 'Where?')

What? well ok. In this case the what (as in what was she (the subject) doing?) was Emily trying to cum. What made her sister want to help her cum?

Why? (as in why was she trying to cum?) Had she seen her sister and another lady or two other ladies fuck each other? Had she seen porn of two women together somewhere (if so where?)? Why did her sister want to make her cum?

When did it happen? During the school holidays, perhaps or perhaps it happen at the weekend when Emma had been left in charge of Connie for the day due to their parents being out at friends, a relative, taken a trip somewhere.

Where? As in where did it happen? This was also only JUST covered. But again there are so many ways you could elaborate on this to make the story stronger, more enriching, more enjoyable, sexier.

In fact what you really need to do is look to 'Where?' for all of them from 'but again there' onwards as the rest of 'Where?' really implies to all of the 5 'W's.

I loved it, a bit more teasing would have aroused me even more.

Fast read...

Fun

3 stars