Family Needs Ch. 02

You Write A Hot Story****

Thanks for sharing. Looking forward to your future submissions.

John, Ellie, John, Ellie....

John, Ellie. In your dialog you use the character's names in virtually every line. Read the story aloud to see what I mean. Think about the last conversation you had. How many times did you use the other person's name? The constant use of the names was distracting and I was unable to finish reading. Good concept however.

I loved it though I wish it had been longer. After reading the previous comment, I reread the chapter and realized he had a point. The names are used in the conversation way more times than normal. Something to think about for chapter 3.

GOOOD

I think its a great story but maybe you should make the parts a little longer

John, Ellie, John, Ellie

didn't bother me. This is an excellent story. Johnny's a loving, caring brother. When Ellie tells him she needs to get fucked, he slides his cock up between her legs into her sweet sisterly slit and gives her the cum she craves. Mom watches her boy blow his brotherly balls up his sis's tight little twat and now it's her turn. Turns out John's also a loving, caring son. His mother says, "Oh my god son. Fuck Mommy hard. Make Mommy cum for you," and he replies, obediently, "Yes Mommy." I love it when a couple uses the word "mommy" as the son's pumping away up inside his mother. It shows that their minds are focused on the one great incredible fact--this is a young male fucking the same cunt he came out of, the cunt he was born from as a little baby when his mother gave birth to him, and it is just so fucking cool! One small reservation. When John unloads his balls it shouldn't be up his mother's asshole. Where his semen belongs is shot up his mommy's warm wet and ever-loving twat.

nice enough and pretty sure a threesome coming next ?

but before that,hopefully you'll go back to when/how/why he first fucked his sister!
Also you said in C1 that mom & dad heard them & knew bro/sis were at it
but let it go on without saying a word to their kids about them fucking! Why?

More please

It is a great story so far, maybe for the next chapter Ellie can bring Becky home with her and catch John fucking his Mother and join them ending with a creampie in Becky getting her pregnant.

Past versus Passed.

I wish the writers would take the time to learn the difference in these two words. They have totally different meanings and uses. Do not rely on spell-check alone. If you are not sure, then please use an actual hardbound dictionary.

Some Of The Worst Dialogue...

...ever!

shaving a pussy?

When you are going to shave any hair. You need to use clippers or sissor to remove excess hair.