The first paragraph set off alarm bells and by the fourth or fifth paragraph I had to quit reading. If you are serious about your writing, please enlist the aid of an editor and/or a proofreader.
by
Anonymous12/01/15
Ricky was just three years older than me and was a half brother as was Connie.
Connie's a half-brother?
by
Anonymous12/01/15
Why is it that ....
... so many people don't know the difference between, for instance, 'your' (possessive) and 'you're' (short for 'you are'?
Sorry but you need to get help, guidance and a proof reader!
As others have already said, this is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO READ, due to the huge amount of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. When a reader has to pause, go back and figure out what you wee TRYING to say, it takes them out of your story's world, if only for a moment. When this happens enough times, reading becomes more of a chore than a pleasure. That is what reading this piece was like for me. I almost gave up after reading only the first few paragraphs! Do yourself (and your readers!) a favor and find an editor to help you with this - it will make your submissions SO much more enjoyable to read.
It's a good background story, If this is a big long story, then it's fine.
by
Anonymous12/10/15
Good Story, but...
It's a good story, but terrible grammar, def needs editing. Also, what kind of backward family has parents tell 18+ years olds that its bedtime at 10pm? Not very believable.
..although I strongly recommend an editor, like others suggested. The run-on sentences don't make it impossible, but they do make the reader stop at different times, and that hurts the flow of the story. An editor will eliminate those and help you keep your facts straight.
That said, I like the idea of the backstory with Jolene, although I didn't see the molestation angle coming--especially since she was still outgoing and didn't have an attitude shift because of it. I'll suspend disbelief for this first chapter and see where other installments go. 5*
English
Another winner. This is the second story of yours i really liked. Keep them coming.
hard to read
Needs a total rewrite. He should skip part 2.
Back to the drawing board!
The first paragraph set off alarm bells and by the fourth or fifth paragraph I had to quit reading. If you are serious about your writing, please enlist the aid of an editor and/or a proofreader.
Ricky was just three years older than me and was a half brother as was Connie.
Connie's a half-brother?
Why is it that ....
... so many people don't know the difference between, for instance, 'your' (possessive) and 'you're' (short for 'you are'?
Sorry but you need to get help, guidance and a proof reader!
Dad and Brother
Have been molesting her for two years? that would have made her 15 or 16
Construction
Look at what you write. You can't just throw a lot of words together and call it a story. There are people to help.
I like the story
I like the story you are trying to write,
you just need so read it a couple of times before posting online
Amazing!
I gave this 5 stars and favorited! This is the starting one amazing story! Please post Pt. 02 soon!
Get an editor!!
As others have already said, this is EXTREMELY DIFFICULT TO READ, due to the huge amount of spelling, grammar and punctuation errors. When a reader has to pause, go back and figure out what you wee TRYING to say, it takes them out of your story's world, if only for a moment. When this happens enough times, reading becomes more of a chore than a pleasure. That is what reading this piece was like for me. I almost gave up after reading only the first few paragraphs! Do yourself (and your readers!) a favor and find an editor to help you with this - it will make your submissions SO much more enjoyable to read.
good start, if it's going to be a big story.
It's a good background story, If this is a big long story, then it's fine.
Good Story, but...
It's a good story, but terrible grammar, def needs editing. Also, what kind of backward family has parents tell 18+ years olds that its bedtime at 10pm? Not very believable.
Enjoyed it
..although I strongly recommend an editor, like others suggested. The run-on sentences don't make it impossible, but they do make the reader stop at different times, and that hurts the flow of the story. An editor will eliminate those and help you keep your facts straight.
That said, I like the idea of the backstory with Jolene, although I didn't see the molestation angle coming--especially since she was still outgoing and didn't have an attitude shift because of it. I'll suspend disbelief for this first chapter and see where other installments go. 5*
Nice story!
Glad to see you continued it. Don't listen to the haters. But of hosers! :-)
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